giving her space to be alone.

[Joshua]

Here's the deal. I have been with my girlfriend for one year. She was in the middle of a divorce when we got together, and the divorce was finalized about three months ago. We have actually known each other since we were six years old, but we never were romantic until now. We have been talking about marriage, and even have a joint account in the bank, and had a timetable as to when we were going to get married. She loves me and I love her. Last weekend she said that she needed her space to be alone. She was not ready for all of this and is feeling very pressured. She has stated that she knows that she may be losing the best thing that has ever happened to her by doing this, but she is not ready. She needs to figure out what she wants. A couple of days ago she told a mutual friend that she misses me and knows that we have a deep love for each other. Yesterday she called me and said she wants to get together and talk. I want her to be happy, so i have honored her wishes of space. But I have let her know that I do want this to work out. What is the next step here?

[Ryan]

I think it was very wise of her to realize that things are being rushed, especially since she has had a failed marriage already. It is crucial that even if a relationship fails, you learn and grow from it. It doesn't sound like she has had that chance with you. If your love is solid, then it will last during a time of introspection. She shouldn't be risking anything by asking for a little "me time" for herself. You have to respect that desire and realize that it is her right and it will drastically increase the health of your relationship, should it move on to the next level. If she wants to talk about her feelings, then I suggest you do a lot of listening. Don't unload any kind of guilt on her. Help her talk about her feelings but give her plenty of opportunity to let loose.