Great Pretender Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 I have lied to the woman (as I lied that I would marry her instead of my fiancee. I married my current wife because of responsibities) whom I truly love just to keep her near a little bit longer.She finds out about all my lies and has completely given me up.Now,she does not even believe that my love towards her is true.I still dream about her night and day.Her voice and smile still keep coming back .Does it mean that her love towards me wasn't as serious as mine towards hers? Do i have to live in shame and regret all my life? I'm not trying to be funny here.Consider this: A child in a family of 10 kids was warned not to lie to his parents because that would really hurt their feelings.Nevertheless,he still lied about everything his parents expected of him,thinking that it's no big deal because his parents would have his siblings to focus on anyway.Then one day, his parents,learning about his lies,brust into tears in front of him and told him that all other 9 kids are adopted and he was their only child.But would his parents still love and protect him uncoditionally knowing that he made those mistakes? What do you think? I'm not pretnding to be as naive as a child but,in the blinding emotion called love,i'm as inexperienced as one.Am i not ready paying for my sins?Are unceasing fortune and regret night and day not some form of redemption?Why do all love songs and movies seem to be talking to me and naming me a singer? I love my true love without knowing how or why,without hesitation or conditions and without ever asking for anything in reward. I love her as dearly as the child does his parents.Maybe this type of conditional and forgiving love doesn't exist in my true love's heart but it sure does in my wife's- A Shakespearean trageday where the lover and the beloved don't match.Furthermore,like a Greek tragedy,I'm incapable of loving madly two matrons at the same time.Does my love cease with my knowing that my true love hardly feels what I feel? Does my love cease with my full awareness of what a devil I appear in her eyes? No! Never. Do you know how it feels like waking up one morning and calling my wife the name of my true love?Have you a clue of how it feels like waking up suddenly and remembering that I single-handedly slaughtered my true love? Let me tell you that the feeling is no worse that stabbing a knife into my own heart!Perhaps this isn't enough redemption to you yet. I ask not my true love me ever the way she did,just like I won't pray to GOD to stop the most strikingly gorgeous sunset.Thought not smart,i dare not ask for the impossible and pray for miracles.Maybe my feelings toward her are just like flurries in summer and roses in winter to you,but they sure haunt and capture me incessantly.i love her immensely still and that is all. Help me!! Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 Oh dear, oh dear. I don't doubt the intensity of your emotions. It seems to me like you need to address some questions before you'll know what to do: Her voice and smile still keep coming back .Does it mean that her love towards me wasn't as serious as mine towards hers? Do i have to live in shame and regret all my life? No, of course you don't have to live with shame and regret for the rest of your life -- at least not the overwhelming stuff that seems to be consuming you now . It's certainly an option though, one that if chosen will condemn you to a life of angst-ridden unhappiness. I'm not trying to be funny here.Consider this: A child in a family of 10 kids was warned not to lie to his parents because that would really hurt their feelings.Nevertheless,he still lied about everything his parents expected of him,thinking that it's no big deal because his parents would have his siblings to focus on anyway.Then one day, his parents,learning about his lies,brust into tears in front of him and told him that all other 9 kids are adopted and he was their only child.But would his parents still love and protect him uncoditionally knowing that he made those mistakes? What do you think? I think that analogy doesn't fly: the bond between child and parent is much much more difficult to sever than a bond between lovers -- even when true love is involved. You can hurt your parents again and again, go against all their principles, disappoint all their hopes ... and they will still be your parents. Nothing can change that. Even if one or both sides opts to ignore the familial bond, to disown the other and stay away for decades, the basic fact of the parent-child relationship remains. Love, unfortunately, is not as insoluable. People fall out of love all the time. Having siblings does not diminish the fact that you are your mother's son, or your father's daughter. But when the love of your life marries another, for whatever reason, you are betrayed because that means he CANNOT commit to you. Your love is inherently compromised. Or, when the man you marry is hopelessly in love with another woman, your prospects for a happy marriage are not good. Just ask Princess Diana. The bond between lovers or spouses is much more vulnerable and fragile than the bond between parent and child. Am i not ready paying for my sins?Are unceasing fortune and regret night and day not some form of redemption? Yes, you are paying. As perhaps you should, if you betrayed true love in the interests of convenience or material gain. But who else is paying along with you? Have you asked yourself that? Why do all love songs and movies seem to be talking to me and naming me a singer? I love my true love without knowing how or why,without hesitation or conditions and without ever asking for anything in reward. I love her as dearly as the child does his parents.Maybe this type of conditional and forgiving love doesn't exist in my true love's heart but it sure does in my wife's- A Shakespearean trageday where the lover and the beloved don't match.Furthermore,like a Greek tragedy,I'm incapable of loving madly two matrons at the same time. Ah yes, your wife is paying for your mistake along with you. You don't mention whether or not she was aware that you loved another when she married you, nor do you mention the circumstances that led you to marry her without loving her. So I don't know if she's an innocent victim to your mistake or if she was complicit in your treachery. Either way I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. Does my love cease with my knowing that my true love hardly feels what I feel? Does my love cease with my full awareness of what a devil I appear in her eyes? No! Never. Which brings up the main question I have: what are you going to do about it? If this love you profess is all-consuming, if you are convinced that you cannot put it behind you and make the most of your choices in life (ie your marriage), then what are you going to do to pursue this true love? Are you filing for divorce? Do you know how it feels like waking up one morning and calling my wife the name of my true love? Have you considered how your wife feels when she hears it? Have you a clue of how it feels like waking up suddenly and remembering that I single-handedly slaughtered my true love? Have you considered how your true love felt when you promised to love, honor and cherish another woman until death do you part? Have you considered how your true love feels knowing that you wake up every morning beside another woman? Let me tell you that the feeling is no worse that stabbing a knife into my own heart!Perhaps this isn't enough redemption to you yet. One does not redeem oneself through passive suffering. One redeems oneself through action that acknowledges the scope of one's wrongdoing, and does as much as is possible to remedy those wrongs. I ask not my true love me ever the way she did,just like I won't pray to GOD to stop the most strikingly gorgeous sunset.Thought not smart,i dare not ask for the impossible and pray for miracles.Maybe my feelings toward her are just like flurries in summer and roses in winter to you,but they sure haunt and capture me incessantly.i love her immensely still and that is all. So if I'm reading this correctly, you are hoping against hope that the love of your life continues to pine for you and is willing to re-engage with you despite the fact that you are married to another. Hm. And if she did, you would ... what? Betray your marriage vows with the love of your life? So you'd have two betrayals on your hands? Nice. And you're torn up right now because -- big surprise -- the love of your life is unwilling to be involved with a married man who betrayed her love? If you love her that much, you're going to have to face up to that and end your marriage. Staying in a marriage when you're hopelessly in love with another is pure folly: you will be miserable (as you are now) and your wife will also be miserable (as I'm sure she is). Ending the marriage does not guarantee that you'll be able to win backthe love of your life. But it will be a necessary first step if you ever hope to do so. If you're unwilling to end your marriage then you're going to have to accept the fact that you cannot have your true love, and get on with your life. And you should perhaps question whether or not you really REALLY love this woman as much as you've led yourself and the rest of the world to believe. And consider perhaps that you are indulging in petulant melancholy as a means of avoiding being a full, responsible participant in your marriage. In either case, I pity your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 All I'm wondering is: WHY DID YOU MARRY SOMEONE THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH???? Link to post Share on other sites
Great Pretender Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 All I'm wondering is: WHY DID YOU MARRY SOMEONE THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH???? Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 Then no, he doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Great Pretender Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 Then no, he doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Great Pretender Posted July 23, 2001 Share Posted July 23, 2001 She truly loves me like no other.She loves me and keeps on giving without asking for returns and her arms are the only arms that are open to me when the sky falls down on me.i was only hoping that my true love would too but guess I have just been hoping for something that never existed Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted July 23, 2001 Share Posted July 23, 2001 that was my exact thought too. i wonder if he has a brother who can write poems for me. with that kind of emotion and poetic undertone, i think i might be missing out on something. Wow. Link to post Share on other sites
MegaB Posted August 3, 2001 Share Posted August 3, 2001 Well, as you have not returned your wife's "true love", you will never get your "true love". She truly loves me like no other.She loves me and keeps on giving without asking for returns and her arms are the only arms that are open to me when the sky falls down on me.i was only hoping that my true love would too but guess I have just been hoping for something that never existed Link to post Share on other sites
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