JadeStar Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 Ok I read this on another forum and I DO NOT agree with what this person said. They were replying back to what another person said. The OP has manic depression, and her question was did others think her b/f would leave her at some point because even though shes on meds for her manic depression, she feels she is always on him about something, and he was getting tried of it. So here is what this other persons reply was...... "No matter how much someone loves another, and how much they may understand whatever problem they have, such as, ADD/ADHD, manic depression, rape, infidelity, insecurity, bipolar, low self esteem, jealousy,OCD, overbearing, arguementative, or even just a plain a$$h$le, the person that DOES NOT have those problems will eventually leave the one THAT DOES have those problems. People get tired, worn out, and it makes no difference who has what disorder, and no one is saying they can help it at all,but chances are the other person will eventually leave. So to answer your question, yeah he will probably leave." WTF? I'm sure that person replying was was no doc/pyshcologist, so not sure where she got that info from, but anyway thought that was interesting. So do others agree or not agree that they feel this is so about people who have a disorder of some type that their spouse/ s/o will leave them at some point because they get burnt out on whatever the other person may have? Yes I agree No I don't agree Jade Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 Yes, I agree but I think it's disorder specific. Even if the two people share the same disorder there are often times a struggle. We see it on this board all the time and the result is usually the same. It seems most people will be pushed to their limits and nowadays it seems that people really don't have the loyalty they used to. It's sad but true that most of the time, not all, the SO will get fed up and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JadeStar Posted December 10, 2005 Author Share Posted December 10, 2005 JS I see your point. My folks have been married for 35 years, and a few years ago, my dad was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well as OCD. My mother bless her heart, even though shes understanding of what he has, she gets very upset and frustrated with him. He is on meds as well. I remember things going on as a child/teenager, and no one knew what was going on with him. For the longest time my mother chalked it up to him just being selfish, controling etc, etc. Little did we know alot of his actions came from the fact he had these disorders. I remember my dad and mom playing the blame game as well. She would get frustrated at him because she didn't know what was wrong. He would get frustrated at her because not only did he not know what was wrong with him as well, but he got tired of her b*tching about what was wrong with him when no one even knew. Finally, after years of struggling with not knowing. He went to see a thearpist and told all about the things going on. Come to find out he had these disorders. Even though he was diagnosed a few years ago, my mother still often gets fed up. I think it drains her.It probably drains him too. Guess it was good to know that he had these disorders,(i'm not meaning its good he has them) but good to learn to know what was causing his actions. There were so many times I thought they would call it quits, but so far they haven't. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 Your dad's story is too common, unfortunately. Rather than thinking that the behaviour of someone with a disorder is unusual and worth investigating medically, people just assume they're jerks. So for years and years the people with disorders go undiagnosed and untreated and, unfortunately, the sooner you diagnose and treat, the better outlook the person has. It's true that even understanding the disorder doesn't prevent the frustration and anger of dealing with the person's actions However, some people are treated very successfully so I don't think ALL spouses leave but the percentage of marriages that fail is much greater than that in marriages with no disorders. Link to post Share on other sites
NYCmitch25 Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 Is this the kind of advice for someone bi-polar? That has got to be some of the worst information I've ever heard! Do they not know what a MD person is ? The person (posting) is completely wrong because for one they are talking in absolutes. Secondly, it also neglects the fact that some people could subconciously seek out these types of people with "issues". (I should expand on this but my dog wants to go for a walk) In short, I'm not impressed with that response, it's chalking it up to "you are screwed up and no one will ever love you", not only that "no one will be patient enough to ever love you though this" , and "no one will be understanding and help you grow", and worse of all "you will never be cured" to name a few. Of course it's going to be difficult, but to paint such a grim conclusion for a MD is only condemming them to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 The statement of that poster is so simple that it has no meaning. There are varying degrees of disorders ranging from the almost imperceptible to the extreme. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JadeStar Posted December 10, 2005 Author Share Posted December 10, 2005 You know when I read what the other poster said in the other forum, I had thought about replying and asking them where they got their info. Was it based just on their own experience or maybe from others they knew. Or even they read this some place etc. She made it sound so sure fire that ALL marriages/relationships would come to an end if someone was with someone with a disorder. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 She made it sound so sure fire that ALL marriages/relationships would come to an end if someone was with someone with a disorder. My policy is to always challenge people who make such blanket statements to produce evidence to back it up. They usually can't because they're just talking off the top of their heads. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 She made it sound so sure fire that ALL marriages/relationships would come to an end if someone was with someone with a disorder. It's just (just) her opinion and like some wise LS'er once said, "opinions are like a**h***s, everyone has one." Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 It's just (just) her opinion and like some wise LS'er once said, "opinions are like a**h***s, everyone has one." Yeah, but it's the 'and they stink' part that was the best bit Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 Yeah, but it's the 'and they stink' part that was the best bit Hahahaha OMG that was the icing on the cake. Link to post Share on other sites
happymadison Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 you are correct, its just an opinion. but the real reason that it bothers people is because most on here have some sort of "disorder" or other issue, either real or self diagnosed. and their vanity is insulted if someone would dare to claim that someone with a disorder is somehow unworthy of love or a relationship. but thats not the issue here--the issue is whether a SO should sacrifice their lives to be a perpetual doormat with someone with such a disorder. this is probably an unfair thing to say on an intellectual level, but life is unfair and you have to deal with it. i think (thats an opinion from my a**h***) that a physical disorder or disease is sometimes easier to deal with by a SO, mainly because its objective in nature. mental disorders, on the other hand, can be seen as very subjective, not clear to see in reality, and after a while one tends to wonder if this is really a "disorder" or just a crutch to justify someone really being an a**h*** and as a means of control. I am not saying thats the case always, just in the perceptions of many. maybe a lot of it is due to all the psyche "ailments" and excuses dreamed up by the shrinks and talking pop psyches on tv---they name the new disorder but never have a cure. you are drowning, and all they do is describe the water. so i would bet that the answer to the post you disagree with is that it is correct for the majority of times with people in these situations. this is not saying that it cant be overcome, but even normal relationships are tough, as shown in th ehigh divorce rate. Add on a layer of mental issues from one party, and the ugly truth is,, i would fold my cards instead of raising...... you may not agree, and i am probably wrong, but you have to have disagreement, either real or devil's advocate, in order to have a discussion and to thoroughly analyze a subject from all angles. the tough part is, subjecting yourself to the parts that apply to you own situation and responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 some can stick around, and some may not. Those people will get depressed themselves, and if the other person is getting any better...how will the relationship work out? Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 some can stick around, and some may not. Those people will get depressed themselves, and if the other person is getting any better...how will the relationship work out?I guess that's where the for better or worse (you're dead a long time, but you're married forever) comes into play. On another note, I guess that two passive-aggressive, co-dependents would be the exception to the original authors rule. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 I dunno. My Dad has severe PTSD and my parents are relatively happily married. Definatley rocky, but still going strong. According to pops, you have to be selective reagrding the traits of your potential mate. In the end, love is strikingly similar to finding someone who tolerates your crazy idiosynchrasies, whose crazy idiosynchrasies you tolerate. Could be as mild as an addiction to hot sauce, or something more serious. We all determine what we can and cannot live with. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 for better or for worse, the thing is....even though you state those words and promis your vows...you never know how the person can develop in a few years from now- stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
NYCmitch25 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 I dunno. My Dad has severe PTSD and my parents are relatively happily married. Definatley rocky, but still going strong. According to pops, you have to be selective reagrding the traits of your potential mate. In the end, love is strikingly similar to finding someone who tolerates your crazy idiosynchrasies, whose crazy idiosynchrasies you tolerate. Could be as mild as an addiction to hot sauce, or something more serious. We all determine what we can and cannot live with. These are the best words I have ever seen on the Internet... Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 for better or for worse, the thing is....even though you state those words and promis your vows...you never know how the person can develop in a few years from now- stay strong Totally agree with you !! Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 I do believe in marrige, but encountered so many changes, and have seen them in others- i think people live in the moment-and that moment can last for a cuple years--some marriges do last and are happily in love till the day they die- i just dont see me ever getting that lucky lol Link to post Share on other sites
Winterlord Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Yes, I agree. Most people would not get involved in relationships with these type of people. Most humans usually mate with the strongest, thats how it should stay. Link to post Share on other sites
NYCmitch25 Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Yes, I agree. Most people would not get involved in relationships with these type of people. Most humans usually mate with the strongest, thats how it should stay. I completely disagree.. we don't evolve like this.. but i like your optomism. (can't spell) Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Most humans usually mate with the strongest, thats how it should stay. The most virulent viruses kill themselves off pretty quickly. It's the ones which mutate with some weaknesses that can continue to mutate. I rather suspect that's the case for most species. Link to post Share on other sites
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