newbby Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 I've known married men who seem interested who I'd be very interested in. I know single guys who'd snap me up if I'd say ok. In the first case, I have no right to take what I want. In the second, I have no right to use people for companionship if I can't return their feelings. So while I might be lacking certain things in my life that I'd like to have, too bad. I won't die. There are hearts that don't deserve to be wounded by me. This way, the only wound is mine and I'm a grownup and will handle it you are speaking from the perspective of a single and emotionally healthy happy individual. from where i stand, i cannot sometimes understand how somebody within the security and support of a marriage can be ungrateful. i also understand, that if you are in that marriage and life is safe and you yearn for excitement it can be easy to look at other people. i think both the op (other person) and the cs, need to find other ways to feel supported and stimulated, respectively. it is not easily done, but ultimately more worthwhile and beneficial. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 michellebelle - If you could make this situation work 100% in your favor, with no one getting hurt - how would it work? Is there any possibility of it happening? Why or why not? If you reach the conclusion that it cannot work in your favor, what percentage are you willing to settle for it not working in your favor? What about your H? Have you put yourself in his shoes and thought that perhaps he feels the same way? If you want your marriage, then consider talking to your H about how you feel - do you want that connection with your H that you want with OM? If not, you will seriously want to consider separation/divorce - not for OM but about the fact that your M seems to have died for you (yes, he will suspect an OM - long term relationship partners recognize the signs when they see them). Talk to your H - not about OM just yet, but in general. You never know - that boring routine sex you get might be indicative that he is feeling the same way you are. Imagine how nice it would be to clear that air between the two of you. I'm sure the tension underneath that boredom could be cut with a knife. I know this sounds like an essay, but it does help to break it down like that sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 I havent done anything... Not yet. This man is also a professional... Whatever. Work is a great place to hook up. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 IF, someone is unhappy in their M, is willing to work on it but the other partner isn't, but still wants to remain married (for the children, for financial, religious, social reasons), then what do they do..? Resign themselves to never having their needs met..? NO! What they do is end the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Because sometimes two people are meant to be together So not only are you condoning hurting other people needlessly, but you're enough of a retard to believe in that "soulmate" nonsense. Lovely. That sort of goes against your "candy house on lollipop lane" remark as "meant to be" is childish fantasy. I wasn't aware that it was somehow "enlightened" to be a selfish bastard, take the path of least resistance, and lie to your loved ones so long as you're "getting yours". Douche. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 I suppose some people are meant to be together, but I think leaving a relationship because some guy is staring at you is sort...well, stupid. How can you be in love with someone when you have so little to go on? I can see being extremely attracted to him, and the excitement in the beginning is often mistaken for love, but if you're going to end your current marriage, do it because you're unhappy with the way it is, not because of some nonverbal signals you received from some guy. I agree with the others who said that it's easy to be fascinated by someone when you haven't known him that long and don't know him that well. I bet her husband was pretty terrific when she first got married to HIM, too. Otherwise she wouldn't (or shouldn't) have married him. This guy who she's "in love with" could have serious flaws, but don't bother telling her that, because she's too much into the initial excitement. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 The above post is true. People can get caught up in the new crushy feelings, the fantasy. It's not LOVE, it's lust, attraction, excitement and new all rolled into one - That is why so many probably get so caught up in the feelings and thoughts of it being real love. Something gets woken up inside. Focus that energy INTO your husband and marriage. Remember why you married him, what you love about him. Find out what is missing from the marriage, what you aren't getting from him. The fantasy of it all may feel real, but it isn't. Have you thought about everything else? Like, bad moods, day in and day out life. How your lives will mesh together? Probably not as this is all playing in your head, all the good stuff... I really think you need to turn your attention to your husband and not go after another man. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 The above post is true. People can get caught up in the new crushy feelings, the fantasy. It's not LOVE, it's lust, attraction, excitement and new all rolled into one - That is why so many probably get so caught up in the feelings and thoughts of it being real love. Something gets woken up inside. Focus that energy INTO your husband and marriage. Remember why you married him, what you love about him. Find out what is missing from the marriage, what you aren't getting from him. The fantasy of it all may feel real, but it isn't. Have you thought about everything else? Like, bad moods, day in and day out life. How your lives will mesh together? Probably not as this is all playing in your head, all the good stuff... I really think you need to turn your attention to your husband and not go after another man. Totally agree with WWIU !! couldn't have said it better!! You are lacking what the OM is giving you and h isn't giving it and you are liking the emotional thing you are getting from OM !! Stop looking somewhere else when you could have it with your spouse !! Tell your spouse of your feelings and what you are lacking from him!! Communication is the key !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellebelle Posted December 11, 2005 Author Share Posted December 11, 2005 Thanks for all the help guys.What I didnt say is that this guy is my dentist.My question was more does it sound like he likes me or am I mistaking flirting for friendliness.???.No,my hub is not going to change,he hasnt changed in 15 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Thanks for all the help guys.What I didnt say is that this guy is my dentist Oh heavens no! Not another dentist!!! Go read the thread started by aussie mandy. Looks like dentists are skanks or something. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Oh heavens no! Not another dentist!!! Go read the thread started by aussie mandy. Looks like dentists are skanks or something. Oh no not another dentist thread!! What is a dentist can do to flirt while checking your mouth? Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellebelle Posted December 11, 2005 Author Share Posted December 11, 2005 He has spent alot of time in my mouth. My question has still gone unanswered.I read the aussies thread and my situation is not the same.This guy is only 3 years older than me. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Oh lordy. Here we go with the 'well, he has blonde hair and my guy's hair is red' business. It doesn't matter. Affairs are affairs. Fix your marriage or leave it. You're not 'in love'. You have a crush. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Oh. I got the impression this was a workplace thing... wrong twice in one thread! Does it matter whether it's friendliness or flirting..? Flirting is still only flirting... it doesn't mean anything! Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellebelle Posted December 11, 2005 Author Share Posted December 11, 2005 I suppose some people are meant to be together, but I think leaving a relationship because some guy is staring at you is sort...well, stupid. How can you be in love with someone when you have so little to go on? I can see being extremely attracted to him, and the excitement in the beginning is often mistaken for love, but if you're going to end your current marriage, do it because you're unhappy with the way it is, not because of some nonverbal signals you received from some guy. I agree with the others who said that it's easy to be fascinated by someone when you haven't known him that long and don't know him that well. I bet her husband was pretty terrific when she first got married to HIM, too. Otherwise she wouldn't (or shouldn't) have married him. This guy who she's "in love with" could have serious flaws, but don't bother telling her that, because she's too much into the initial excitement. I got married because I got pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 I got married because I got pregnant. Are you telling you married your h because you was pregnant ? Was that the only reason you married him? Would you have married him had you not been pregnant? Didn't you marry your h becaused you loved him and wanted to spend the rest of your life with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellebelle Posted December 11, 2005 Author Share Posted December 11, 2005 Are you telling you married your h because you was pregnant ? Was that the only reason you married him? YES! Link to post Share on other sites
DuranDuran Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 As a single guy, surrounded by many married or common-law women in my workplace, I can relate somewhat to this thread. On the other side, I've been very tempted by the long provoking stare. And except for one slip-up, I've been very good at not taking the plunge. In the long run, you'll feel much better keeping your relationship just platonic. However, its really tough not to dive in...even more so, if you find that you can easily relate and laugh together with the object of your affection. Doing the right thing is a heart-aching choice. Like others have said here, make a decision about your present relationship before you jump into another one. Good Luck, Duran. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Oh no not another dentist thread!! Tell me about it. *exhales* Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 The above post is true. People can get caught up in the new crushy feelings, the fantasy. It's not LOVE, it's lust, attraction, excitement and new all rolled into one - That is why so many probably get so caught up in the feelings and thoughts of it being real love. Something gets woken up inside. its probably why not many people leave their marriages for it, but rather, keep it on the side Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Are you telling you married your h because you was pregnant ? Was that the only reason you married him? YES! You don't have to marry someone because you are pregnant !!! Was you underage? I wouldn't marry someone because i was pregnant!! I married my h because i loved him and wanted to spend my life with him till my dieing day!! You married for all the wrong reasons !! Does he know this? If he knows the only reason you married him was because you were pregnant than maybe he is harboring some resentment towards you!! Just MO Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Tell me about it. *exhales* LOL!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellebelle Posted December 11, 2005 Author Share Posted December 11, 2005 Would somebody please JUST answer my question. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 michelle, what IS your question? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Read post 1. She wants to know if he wants to fXck her. Of course he does If you live in Australia, chances are you'll have to share him with another few chicks. Link to post Share on other sites
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