people with poor social skills and their lives.

[NCManiac]

I know most of you aren't counselers or psychologists but i'm sure there are people out there who have probably dealt with the situation I am in and can probably give me a good piece of advice which might benifit me and which might be able to help me out with my problems. It might also benifit other people who might read this post and who are in a similar situation as i am and are trying to come up with a solution.

I'm thankful to the internet which can let people discuss their thoughts and problems anonymously. Without the internet, I would have probably never been able to say what I am going to say today.

Let me start of with the fact that I was one of those kids who was always bullied and made fun of in highschool and that hasn't changed even as of today. In those days, I used to blame those kids for doing that but during the past 22 years of my life time spending time with a bunch of different people from different cultures, I have come to realize that it wasn't them who was to blame. As of today, I am 22 years old. I graduated with a masters degree last year at the age of 21, live in one of the best places in town, drive one of the best cars among my friends, was able to get myself my dream job. I have a girl who loves me to death and is willing to do anything for me. I have pretty much accomplished everything that I ever wanted. I'm not trying to brag since that is not going to benifit me or anyone else. I am just talking facts and nothing else.

You all might wonder what I am complaining about? here is the issue. Despite all this, I am still not happy. I always wondered what is wrong with me.. am i suffering from clinical depression? am i just going nuts? I have never been able to figure that out. All i know is that its some kind of disorder and I seriously need help with it.

All my life, I was always the center of attention when I was in a group. Good thing? NOT AT ALL. I was the center of attention because I was the one who was always being picked on and always being made fun of. At first, I thought it was a social anxiety issue.. however, i realized that wasn't true. I am one of those people who always craves attention. I can't spend time by myself for very long. I always need someone to talk to.. someone to chat with.. not a lot of people use 5000 minutes during a month almost every month on their cellphone talking to people. The thing is, all my life i have lacked social skills. Whenever i start a conversation among a group, it turns out that I end up making stupid comments and remarks and in the end, all the people in the group end up making fun of me and laughing at me. This has happened all the time.. as far as i recall in my lifetime. I have never been able to figure out why I can't act normal and can't have normal conversations when I am in a group..why is it that I am considered out of the norm when among a group. why do people end up finding my conversations stupid?

There have been cases where people would call me and would want to hang out with me when they are by themselves but when they are hanging out with their friends, they would find it awkward to invite me. There have also been cases where they would invite me just to pick on me and make fun of me so they can make their friends enjoy. All this just makes me think that I am an entertainment tool and nothing more than a clown.

I've been to a counselor once and her opinion was that this is an anxiety issue and when I am among a group, I panic a lot and cannot act normal. She ended up prescribing prozac and asked me to come back after 3 months

I would also like to add the fact that despite having a girl who loves me to death,I cannot really associate myself to her. I cannot make myself to like her as much as she likes me. Although, she is the only person who makes me feel like I am worth something and that is the only reason I cannot let go of her. Yet, I am ashamed of introducing her to my friends. She would meet me everyday if she could but I would only want to meet her once a week or perhaps once in two weeks even when I have enough time to have her over at my place everyday.

All i am looking for is advice. I want to feel special. I dont want to look stupid and I dont want to act stupid. Please don't ask me to go to a counselor.. I would be happy even with suggestions to come up with a solution to my problems..

[travellingman]

This isn't social anxiety, this is talking when there is nothing to say. It is essentially a very mild form of Tourette's, because you want to talk so badly, you just let whatever words are in your brain out your mouth. Thing to do is stop beating yourself up over it, and acknowledge that many people, including the girl you mentioned, like you anyway.

[lindya]

This isn't social anxiety, this is talking when there is nothing to say. It is essentially a very mild form of Tourette's, because you want to talk so badly, you just let whatever words are in your brain out your mouth. Thing to do is stop beating yourself up over it, and acknowledge that many people, including the girl you mentioned, like you anyway.

 

 

I think you're overlooking a lot in the original post when you say that.

 

To the original poster, I'm assuming the counsellor you saw once must have been medically qualified in order to prescribe Prozac to you. Was she a psychiatrist? Why did you only see her once?

 

You've said that in many ways you do seek to be the centre of attention - but you often attract negative attention. Who are these people you spend time with? What are their interests, hopes, dreams and insecurities? Do you know them, and are you interested in getting to know them? Do they, as people, matter to you?

 

You've indicated that you don't really connect with your girlfriend, and don't care about her in the way that she cares about you...but nonetheless it's important to you to keep the relationship going because she makes you feel that you're worth something. Let's say that someone else came along - another girl - who was also capable of making you feel worth something. Would you be likely to drop your current girlfriend for her? Do you think your girlfriend knows you don't feel like you connect with her - and if so, how do you think she would feel about that?

 

I know this sounds like an interrogation or way of criticising you, but it's really not intended to be. I'm just trying to establish the extent to which you are able to relate to the feelings and needs of other people. If you have difficulty in that area, it stands to reason that this might affect your relationships and result in you generally having poorer social skills.

 

Being absorbed in one's own desires and needs to the extent that you view other people's main purpose as being to meet those needs, regardless of their own needs, can amount to a psychiatric disorder. I don't know if that's you, I'm purely basing that comment solely on one or two things you wrote that stood out for me. Does it sound at all like you?

[slubberdegullion]

NCManiac, I think you may be confusing a couple of issues here, and with some personal experience in the area I think I can help.

 

From where I sit, there are two seperate but integrated issues working here.

 

The first is what has been characterized as social anxiety. Now, that's not nearly as negative as it may sound. If you have ever done any personality profiling like Myers-Briggs testing or similar stuff, you may be somewhat familiar with the difference between extraverts and introverts. One is not better than the other, they are simply preferences in the way you manage your energy. From what I read here, it seems that you're a classic introvert; you recharge by spending time alone or with a very small number of people, and larger groups demand a lot of energy from you. I can say that with some authority because I'm the exact same way.

 

The second part is a reflection of your natural tendency to introversion (and note that these are tendencies, not carved-in-stone processes). Your natural inclination to introversion leaves you feeling drained and "used" which can lead to introspection (another natural phenomena of introverts) and even depression if the introspection degenerates into negative self-talk.

 

Is there a way out? Absolutely. But first things first.

 

I can recommend a website and book called The Introvert Advantage. I have a copy of it myself and found it immensely illuminating. Check your local library.

 

Now, if you want to change your behaviour - and let's face it, you cannot change others, but you can change your reaction to stimuli - that's an entirely different step. But first, let's get a handle on the fundamentals.

 

Keep us posted!

[travellingman]

If you have ever done any personality profiling like Myers-Briggs testing or similar stuff, you may be somewhat familiar with the difference between extraverts and introverts. One is not better than the other, they are simply preferences in the way you manage your energy. From what I read here, it seems that you're a classic introvert;

 

Interesting obs, because I thought he sounded like an extravert, especially w/ the need to always be talking.

[slubberdegullion]

Interesting obs, because I thought he sounded like an extravert, especially w/ the need to always be talking.

Yes, I noted that too. Still, the rest of the OP seems to be pointing to a tendency to introversion. The only way to know for sure is to have an MBTI assessment done. There may be some free ones available online - there used to be, but I can't find the link anymore - but a proper, in-depth assessment requires a full written report and one-on-one follow-up.

[lindya]

Just to highlight some things in this post that indicate the problem's a bit out of the ordinary. 5000 minutes a month on the mobile. Almost 3 hours every day What are these conversations about....are they about the person on the other end of the phone, or are they about NCManiac.

 

The attention seeking behaviour, the need to live in the best area and have the best car, the use of a girlfriend you don't particularly care for as a source of making yourself feel better - without any evident sign of consideration for the impact this will have on her...

 

I realise that to many guys that might sound pretty normal, but we have here someone who is saying that he feels there is something seriously wrong to the extent that it has, for a number of years, had a major impact on his relationships with other people.

 

I don't know if JS17 is around. Maybe she'll be the only person who'll get where I'm coming from on this one.

 

 

I know most of you aren't counselers or psychologists but i'm sure there are people out there who have probably dealt with the situation I am in and can probably give me a good piece of advice which might benifit me and which might be able to help me out with my problems. It might also benifit other people who might read this post and who are in a similar situation as i am and are trying to come up with a solution.

I'm thankful to the internet which can let people discuss their thoughts and problems anonymously. Without the internet, I would have probably never been able to say what I am going to say today.

Let me start of with the fact that I was one of those kids who was always bullied and made fun of in highschool and that hasn't changed even as of today. In those days, I used to blame those kids for doing that but during the past 22 years of my life time spending time with a bunch of different people from different cultures, I have come to realize that it wasn't them who was to blame. As of today, I am 22 years old. I graduated with a masters degree last year at the age of 21, live in one of the best places in town, drive one of the best cars among my friends, was able to get myself my dream job. I have a girl who loves me to death and is willing to do anything for me. I have pretty much accomplished everything that I ever wanted. I'm not trying to brag since that is not going to benifit me or anyone else. I am just talking facts and nothing else.

You all might wonder what I am complaining about? here is the issue. Despite all this, I am still not happy. I always wondered what is wrong with me.. am i suffering from clinical depression? am i just going nuts? I have never been able to figure that out. All i know is that its some kind of disorder and I seriously need help with it.

All my life, I was always the center of attention when I was in a group. Good thing? NOT AT ALL. I was the center of attention because I was the one who was always being picked on and always being made fun of. At first, I thought it was a social anxiety issue.. however, i realized that wasn't true. I am one of those people who always craves attention. I can't spend time by myself for very long. I always need someone to talk to.. someone to chat with.. not a lot of people use 5000 minutes during a month almost every month on their cellphone talking to people. The thing is, all my life i have lacked social skills. Whenever i start a conversation among a group, it turns out that I end up making stupid comments and remarks and in the end, all the people in the group end up making fun of me and laughing at me. This has happened all the time.. as far as i recall in my lifetime. I have never been able to figure out why I can't act normal and can't have normal conversations when I am in a group..why is it that I am considered out of the norm when among a group. why do people end up finding my conversations stupid?

There have been cases where people would call me and would want to hang out with me when they are by themselves but when they are hanging out with their friends, they would find it awkward to invite me. There have also been cases where they would invite me just to pick on me and make fun of me so they can make their friends enjoy. All this just makes me think that I am an entertainment tool and nothing more than a clown.

I've been to a counselor once and her opinion was that this is an anxiety issue and when I am among a group, I panic a lot and cannot act normal. She ended up prescribing prozac and asked me to come back after 3 months

I would also like to add the fact that despite having a girl who loves me to death,I cannot really associate myself to her. I cannot make myself to like her as much as she likes me. Although, she is the only person who makes me feel like I am worth something and that is the only reason I cannot let go of her. Yet, I am ashamed of introducing her to my friends. She would meet me everyday if she could but I would only want to meet her once a week or perhaps once in two weeks even when I have enough time to have her over at my place everyday.

All i am looking for is advice. I want to feel special. I dont want to look stupid and I dont want to act stupid. Please don't ask me to go to a counselor.. I would be happy even with suggestions to come up with a solution to my problems..

[NCManiac]

Lindya, in your first post you asked if I would be willing to let go of the girl if someone better came along. The answer to that is, yes I would.

Let me tell you a little bit more about this girl. She also knows it very well that we dont connect in a lot of ways. She has been with me for over a year and lives in the same city as i do. She has no self-esteem at all and she is even willing to admit that... and that is perhaps the only reason I cannot make myself to like her.

As I mentioned in my first post, I have always been getting negitive attention. My conversations have always been thought of as stupid and immature. That makes the reason for living in the best house and driving the best car pretty obvious. It also makes the reason for not liking that girl obvious. If you are being made fun of all your life, you would eventually start to believe that people think you aren't worth a lot.

Subconciously, I have always been trying to fix that image about me and despite listening to all the negitive aspects about me from people, I have always been pushing myself to accomplish something in my life.

I wish I could make myself to like this girl as much as she likes me. I cannot really force myself to like her like that. Being with someone actually make me feel like I am worth something but the fact that she has no self-esteem subconciously makes me dislike her. I like the company of people who are self-confident. The company of people who don't lack the skills that I lack. People who are social and full of energy.

My problem is not the girl. My problem is my social skills. I need to know if there is a way out of it. I have been trying to find a way out of it throughout my life. I never considered myself as depressed but i am getting to a point where my social image has started to bother me a lot.

The reason I stopped going to the counselor is because I believed that she couldn't totally understand my problem. Perhaps, I wasn't able to describe it like I do in writing. However, I am seriously thinking about her prescription. It might be worth a try.

[orangeterran]

Whoa, lots of things you have posted distinctly remind me of myself. However with one large caveat, I wish I had your life.

 

As a child I had no self-esteem, mostly because of inept abusive parents. I thus had a very vulnerable and timid demeanor that often led me to be the target of lots of teasing and even physical beatings (I hated my childhood). I thus tended to shy away from people and did not socialize because I equated others as just sources of pain and humilation. By the time I finally made a friend in junior high I was overjoyed until I saw him change over the years into a frustrated, violent, and abusive person who eventually turned on me and threatened my life. That was a catalyst that led me down to a very depressed and non-productive time.

 

Today I am 23, I have just finished my first semester of college after coming to terms with all my fears concerning others and my own self image. I have yet to make any significant friends as most of the people I know are just acquaintances. I know most want to get closer but I'm adjusting now to let people get closer. I have never had a girlfriend in my entire life and I admit that I am not ready for one yet. I still live with my abusive parents and desperately want to get out, HOWEVER, I remain hopeful.

 

This is because, it is the perception of one's self that is most important. You stated that your girlfriend is one of the few things that make you feel like you're worth anything. You also listed material possesions, such as the car that you drive and the area you live in as defining parts of your life. Now, here's the real thing you should address. None of those things should matter. What matters is who you think you are. Once you find that you're a worthwhile person and that you can love yourself then things will change. You can then become comfortable with WHO YOU ARE, not WHAT YOU OWN. In order for you to be happy with anything else you first have to be happy with yourself. Once that happens, you can relax and just be yourself. Then people who can relate to you will want to spend time with you and socialize. This is preferable to trying so hard to figure out what people want from you in a social setting.

 

When you try hard to be something you're not, people can usually detect it. It took me some time to figure out why some people have so much confidence. It was because they liked who they were, plain and simple! Once you do that, then you'll be surrounded by the same kind of people. Best of luck to both of us!

[Devildog]

NCManiac, my advice to you is to learn to find happiness in yourself, in who you are. Your post seems full of examples of you trying to impress other people. Are these the "cool kids"? Are you looking to fit in with the so-called popular crowd?

 

If you have to have the nicest car, the biggest house in the nicest neighborhood, just to impress these people they are not friends. Are you calling these people significantly more than they call you?

 

It sounds like you don't want to accept that you might not be one of the vacuous, shallow in clique. Those High School cliques don't get you anywhere as you grow up. Hell, it's been months since I have seen any of the people I knew in High School.

 

I think you need to learn to be comfortable in your own skin and accept who you are. Do the things you want to do and are interested in. Stop caring if your "friends" don't think it is cool. Friends like you for who you are. If they don't like who you are, they are not friends.

 

Let me tell you a little bit more about this girl. She also knows it very well that we dont connect in a lot of ways. She has been with me for over a year and lives in the same city as i do. She has no self-esteem at all and she is even willing to admit that... and that is perhaps the only reason I cannot make myself to like her.

 

A friend of mine, who is a psychologist, once told me that the things we dislike in other people are the things we hate about ourselves and don't want to admit we have. Her lack of self-esteem bothers you so much because you have a self-loathing of your own lack of self-esteem.

[lindya]

A friend of mine, who is a psychologist, once told me that the things we dislike in other people are the things we hate about ourselves and don't want to admit we have. Her lack of self-esteem bothers you so much because you have a self-loathing of your own lack of self-esteem.

 

Very true. Projection seems to be one of the most common coping mechanisms.

 

McManiac, it does sound very much as if you want others to see you as being a certain personality type which isn't really suited to your basic temperament. The overall effect, when people do that, is that they come across as being individuals who aren't really comfortable in their own skin.

 

What is the response you are looking for from the people around you, when you seek their attention? Imagine you're walking into a crowded party....how, in your imagination, would you like to be greeted by other people? How would you like your behaviour to be perceived at that party?

[JS17]

I finally read this whole thread. It's funny, we project here on LS a lot but this is the strongest I've seen so far. My opinion...

 

I think Devildog hit the nail on the head. You're concerned about your image and being the "cool" kid because you have low self esteem. You seem very immature to me. Yes you have some narcissistic tendencies and yes you have some anxiety issues but I think your big problem is having low self esteem. You NEED others to accept you and you NEED to be social and the center of attention.

 

So that was pretty judgemental but on the plus side, recognizing it and asking for help is a positive step. I don't think you sound like a candidate for medication and I would suggest seeking out a social worker or even a psychologist, I would definitely not try a psychiatrist again. You need psychoanalytical help not medical help.

[witabix]

When you try hard to be something you're not, people can usually detect it. It took me some time to figure out why some people have so much confidence. It was because they liked who they were, plain and simple! Once you do that, then you'll be surrounded by the same kind of people. Best of luck to both of us!

 

I agree totally with the above sentiment. Be yourself, know yourself and like yourself. Do not try to fit in with other peoples stereotypes of how a person should be.

[Becoming]

I wonder about your reluctance to see a counsellor, which really would help if you found the right one. Were you abused as a child (beyond your peers' ridicule)? Neglected?

 

I have your tendencies to some degree and that was my history and reluctance to see a counsellor. I didn't want to have to talk about all that pain.

 

Then again, you could really just have been born with a chemical imbalance that medication could help with. Either way, you're going to have to see someone for help.

 

There seems to be something inside you screaming, "Pay attention to me!" like a little 2 or 3 year old. And, as you have so courageously and poignantly said, this comes out in inappropriate ways, perhaps because you just didn't learn any better.

 

Really, do yourself a favor. Get some counselling now at this point in your life so you can go on to have what a part of you is so longing for but which the other part of you can't for the life of you figure out how to get. I wish I had done this in my 20's instead of much later. Would've saved me a lot of pain to have dealt with the pain of my childhood instead of trying to forget it and run from it.

 

You're obviously bright, honest, insightful--all qualities that will assist you in the process. But I really don't think you can do this one on your own, which your post also indicates. And you deserve better than a bunch of us projecting stuff onto you without knowing the details.

 

Best wishes!

[Lil Honey]

I would suggest seeing a physcologist rather than a psychiatrist. You may have a disorder that affects your social abilities that are far beyond the scope of this site.

[NCManiac]

I've also thought about whether its a low self-esteem issue or not. If i had a low self-esteem, I wouldn't be trying soo hard to accomplish anything in life since at each point, I would be thinking to myself that there isn't any point in trying because I ain't even worth anything.

If trying to work on improving the image that people have been portraying of you all your life is considered low self-esteem then okay, call it low self-esteem. People have always been a big factor in shaping a person's perception. What we do is directly or indirectly influenced by other people. If people didn't influence us, then there wouldn't be any problems on this planet. It's a natural tendency to be better than others and its a part of every human being. For me, the tendency was much stronger since these people have been telling me that I can't do it.

My question is WHY have these people been trying to portray an image like that of me all my life. Ofcourse it has to do with me and I am trying to figure out what it actually is. I know most of you wouldn't be able to answer that without actually knowing me personaly.

When I spoke of the girl and her self-esteem, I really meant it when I said she has no self-esteem. There hasn't been a single day when i spoke to her and she didn't make a comment which meant nothing more than "Hey, I'm not worth anything.. why should i try and why do you bother?"

Would any of you people be able to really like a person like that ? whether you have a high self-esteem or not.

[JS17]

There is a difference between low self esteem and low self worth. It's common enough in sufferers of low self esteem to have high self worth.

 

You're exhibiting some very narcissitic verbiage here. I suggest reading Lucrezia Borgia's post from this afternoon and see what your thoughts are.

 

Seriously, go get some psychotherapy, you're a prime candidate.

[NCManiac]

Here is a story i read somewhere... you'd see why i posted it.

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian grew up the oldest child in a poor family. His alcoholic father left at an early age. His mother loved her children, but she struggled with her own problems. Brian felt that the other kids looked down on him for being poor and having so many family problems. As a child, he wished that he could have a "normal" family and money to buy the nice things other kids had. Most of all, he hated being looked down on as less than others.

 

Brian believed that to be worthwhile he had to fulfill a certain image. His image of a minimally ok person was to be rich and successful in his career, to have a happy marriage and family, and above all to have "class." Having class meant having fine cars, a big house, expensive art, and other symbols of status. Having class meant knowing what to wear and what to say; and having class especially meant being accepted by the right people.

 

However, growing up, Brian did not do well in school or sports and was not popular with his peers. Therefore, he thought of himself as a not ok person who was destined to fail at whatever he did. He suspected that he had some deep inadequacy inside that kept him "in the gutter," but he avoided dealing with these fears. These beliefs became a self-fulfilling prophesy. He quit trying to be a success and hung out with people he secretly thought were losers. He set easy goals--such as minimal education and low-paying jobs. Brian often felt depressed and angry about his life and the future. He was in a vicious cycle of low self-worth, low goals, underachievement, and depression.

 

Then Brian got a job in an electronics store--where a lot of good things happened. He got interested in the electronics business. The store owner praised him for his hard work and showed confidence in him. Brian decided to change his life, "I was sick of being a failure and set a goal to become a successful electronics businessman." He went back to school and studied hard. He made good grades and kept learning the electronics business. He started his own computer business and made lots of money.

 

His increased success and income increased his confidence with people. He had had a crush on Carol since high school, but had always thought of her as being out of his class. He lavished her with attention, flowers, gifts, exciting experiences, and promises of leading an idyllic life. He learned everything he could to present himself as a man with class.

 

She fell in love with him, they married, and they had three children. He bought a beautiful home, drove expensive cars, and bought only the best of everything. He showered her and his children with the best of everything that money could buy. Most people who met him were impressed by his success.

 

Brian began to see himself as a success and began to think that his success was proof that he was as good or better than other people. He loved to compare himself to former high school classmates who were not nearly so "successful."

 

Was Brian happy? His answer was, "I have everything a man could have to be happy. If I'm not happy, then I feel sorry for all the poor people in the world. Seriously, I'm not sure if I'm happy or not. Sometimes I feel like keeping this life style and image up is a burden and a lot of stress. Sometimes I'm not sure I know what I want in life. Maybe being happy is too much to expect."

 

Inside, he kept asking himself, "Why aren't I happier, when I have everything I want?" One thing that really bugged Brian was that his brother had been far less successful in his career, but seemed much happier.

 

Others thought of Brian as somewhat self-centered and dominating. Many thought he had an inflated view of himself, was ill-tempered, and only cared about success and acquiring the symbols of success. His wife Carol had been initially impressed by his ambition and strength. She liked the lifestyle that money had brought them and their children. But, his total focus on success, his neglect of her, and his frequent dominating manner had gradually driven a wedge between them. She kept telling him, "Our romance and intimacy are disappearing. You never listen to anything that deals with emotions."

 

What lessons did Brian need to learn? First, his happiness was not dependent upon his career success. Brian had not been happy as a failure or as a success. Either way, he feared failure and being looked down on by others. These fears were his worst nightmares and his frequent companions--despite all his money. He had never faced those fears.

 

He also kept raising his self-expectations to higher and higher levels. He was no longer "ok" if he was as successful as his high school classmates. Now, he had to be as successful as the multimillionaire who lived nearby in even bigger homes than his. He felt inadequate to them. Now, he had to prove that he was as good as they were, by working even harder and taking more risks. With the increased risks came increased stress.

 

Basically, Brian was never happy just being Brian. He never learned to love himself unconditionally. He always had to achieve something more before he could be happy. He never had enough success to prove that he was a "minimally ok human being." Consequently, he never believed that anyone--including his wife--could really love him exactly as he was right then. He thought he had to buy her love or show her that he was more successful than other men.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Now that was Brian. He had a tough childhood since his dad was an alcoholic and his mom had to struggle to bring him up. He didn't do well in school either.

 

As for me, I was popular among my peers but not in a good way, I had a relativly easy childhood. My family was relativly well off and i did fairly good in school. In some ways, I can very well relate my problems to Brian. Perhaps, subconciously I believed that success would correct my negitive image infront of people..

 

Okay, let's just say I have a low self-esteem, high self-worth and i'm narcisstic at this point. Let's also say that somehow all these issues get corrected. That wouldn't solve my problem. The lack of my social skills would still be there and I'd still have the same concerns for which I originally started this post. I'd still end up being unhappy. I know I can't learn social skills from a forum but I can probably be pointed towards the right direction

 

Also, I would say that narcissim would mean to be self-centered and selfish. I wouldn't completely deny what you have told me but I wouldn't consider myself as completely self-centered or selfish either. The people I hang out with have even criticized me at times for going totally out of the way to help.

 

Can you please give me the link to the post you mentionedt? I tried looking it up but couldn't find it.

[crazy_grl]

You could try reading some books that focus on exactly what you're looking to change: improving social skills. Maybe you're narcassistic, and quite possibly you have low self-esteem, but you haven't been diagnosed with them, so don't stress yourself out about fixing them. You say your main problem is that you say the wrong things. Well, maybe you just never learned what the right things are... or are just not confident that what you're saying is okay.

 

You could try these:

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

 

There are plenty of others as well. Maybe books won't turn out to be the answer for you, but it can't hurt to try. You'll only be out a few bucks and a few hours of reading time.

[Lil Honey]

Do a search for "social skills" or "relating to others," etc. Anything along those lines.

 

There are people with disorders that keep them from relating to others the same as the general population. Even going through an online checklist would point you in some direction.