iheartyou Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 hello everyone. i am new to this thing but i have looked at posts but haven't really found the right answers to my own situation, so i'm hoping i could get some advice because you guys know what you're talking about i don't want to spill my guts out, but i have no choice. i just hope he doesn't find this. i met the dude late last year, around november, 2004. i was 15 and him, 19. now i'm 16 and him, 20. i had been talking to him since around august. ever since i met him, we went out up but we broke up about three months ago. at first (around november, 2004) i was allowed to go out so i told my parents i was going out with friends, but instead i went out with him. we'd stay out all day, walk around places, make out at the park at night by the river and have dinner together. it didn't matter what we did, just being together was great. to cut a long story short, i got grounded since december, 2004 up until now but luckily we moved houses (january, 2004) and actually moved closer to him. he did a lot for me. ever since i moved, he used to take a 40 minute bus ride every weekend (and pretty much whenever i wanted him to) to see me ever since about january this year. he'd sneak into my room at about 12am, we'd make out and then hold each other while we slept. sometimes he'd leave really early in the morning on monday. sometimes he'd hide under my bed without much food until i got home from school and leave late at night. he then got a car in september this year and drove over to see me instead, which would also take 40 minutes. but after a while, he wasn't able to see me EVERY weekend because it was too costly. i also met his dad and his friend in september on his birthday (his friend lives 10 minutes away and they hang out a lot). from then on, he hardly stayed over and he'd just pick me up and we'd go over to his place for a while and then drop me off again. it was tiring because it had to be late so we didn't get caught. i then got annoyed with him for seeing his friend about three times every week and me about once every two weeks. then he kept telling me that i was being selfish and i said, "i'm being selfish because i love you so much and want to be with you?" when i think about it now, i guess i was being selfish. at around november, i told him i wanted to break up with him. i actually did that quite often and i don't think i ever REALLY meant it and he'd beg me to take him back, but this time he wouldn't take ME back. but there were times towards the end of our relationship when things got risky and he said, "we're going to have to call it off if this happens again." now no matter what i do or say, he doesn't want to take me back. he tells me not to contact him and he says that i have crossed the line with what i said too many times, which is true. i just don't know what to do. i can't get over him and i want to show him that i really do love him and that i have learnt from my mistakes and would never hurt him again. but when i tell him anything like that, he just tells me that i have to move on and by the way he's acting, he doesn't even want to know me anymore. i don't want anyone else, i don't want him to have to sneak over like that but if i just got to see him once a month, i would be the happiest girl in the world. i have never met anyone like him because he is so special to me and has done so so much for me. if you saw us together, you'd say the same. he has said to me before, "as angry as i sound, i can never stop loving you because you are very special." he is also going back to his city in about a week and i don't know if or when he will be back again. what can i do? what is going through his head? we have been apart for about three months. this is killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 He said quite clearly that he no longer wants to be with you. Move On. Desperate girls are a turn off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iheartyou Posted December 12, 2005 Author Share Posted December 12, 2005 he said has he has no feelings left for me, but deep down he does. i think something could be done which would make him find it in his heart to take me back. i just don't know what Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 he said has he has no feelings left for me, but deep down he does. When someone says they have no feelings left for you, that is how they feel. I'm sorry that you do not want to accept what he is saying, but by denying it you're not doing yourself any favors. Accepting that he feels that way will help you heal and move on. Denying it will only make you cling to a false sense of hope. Do yourself a favor and accept his words. i think something could be done which would make him find it in his heart to take me back. Nothing can be "done" to make someone want you back in earnest. You have to resign yourself to the fact it's over. Heck, you're only 16 years old. You have your entire left ahead of you. I'm 36 and I still feel I have plenty of time to meet someone, I'm in no hurry - and neither should you. i just don't know what Go to no contact and heal yourself. IF, and that's a big if, his feelings change for you, he will contact you. Dwelling over trying to get him back does you no good. You can not control this situation. It is what it is, so learn to let it go. That's the only thing you really can do. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iheartyou Posted December 13, 2005 Author Share Posted December 13, 2005 haha caliguy, thanks for your advice. you are right about me being only 16 and that i have an entire life ahead of me. the thing that worries me is that this guy was so special and i don't know if i'll ever find anyone as special as him. heh. it's the truth. i don't get how someone who loved you so much all of a sudden has no feelings for you anymore. i'll go into NC and let you know how things are going Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 You think that, out of the billion people out there, there was only this one special guy? Sweetie, you are SO YOUNG. Trust me, you're going to feel this "But he was so special and so RIGHT for me" several more times in your life. At this point in your life you should be focused on yourself, your schooling, your personal development, etc. I know a girl who didn't focus on those things. She just wanted to get married and have a baby. Well, she got her wish, and now she's divorced with a young child on her hands, and no education or real emotional development. It's a nightmare. You can't make someone want you back. Frankly, I don't think you should be with a 20-year old, either. Trust me, you'll understand when you're either a parent or over the age of 25. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 haha caliguy, thanks for your advice. you are right about me being only 16 and that i have an entire life ahead of me. the thing that worries me is that this guy was so special and i don't know if i'll ever find anyone as special as him. heh. it's the truth. i don't get how someone who loved you so much all of a sudden has no feelings for you anymore. i'll go into NC and let you know how things are going There will be someone else in your life even more special. There always is, it just takes a little time. At 16 you still are finding yourself. I suggest waiting to get married until you're at least 25 and established - if you want a lasting, fulfilling marriage. Not saying it's impossible if you are younger or that it's guaranteed, but statistics show if you delay marriage until your career and life is established you stand a greater chance of success. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iheartyou Posted December 13, 2005 Author Share Posted December 13, 2005 hahaha. thanks for that, treasa. that was great. you had me nodding my head to everything you said. i guess he wasn't RIGHT for me because he was oh so stupid and immature (he didn't even finish highschool. i really don't know what i saw in him). him and his new girlfriend (if he ever gets one) will live a bogan life. i will focus on school this year and then i can find someone who is a million times better than him because i can honestly say i deserve and can get someone better plus he had ass hair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iheartyou Posted December 13, 2005 Author Share Posted December 13, 2005 thanks for you reply again, caliguy. i love your words of wisdom. you are very knowledgable when it comes to this stuff. i could never get married to him anyway because 1. parents would never approve of him and it would kill them to see me marry someone so useless 2. because he is stupid (lack of education) 3. i want a lasting, fulfilling marriage and with him, it would be impossible to achieve that Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Atta girl!! LOL about the ass hair. Hon, you're obviously intelligent and have goals. Don't settle for someone less than you deserve. What happens when you're rich and famous someday and Mr. I-have-a-great-car-a-fantastic-personality-a-degree-and-no-ass-hair and you're already married to someone you met when you were 15? You'll beat yourself up, I promise. So stay on course. Link to post Share on other sites
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