Why do men need a 2 x 4 to get it?

[Becoming]

OK, I’ve been reading LS posts and now have a question that falls under the category of one of those divine mysteries you’d like to ask God.

 

Over and over I read about women trying to tell their men that things aren’t working in the relationship. And over and over I read about how men are so surprised when women leave or have affairs or what not when it’s pretty obvious things haven’t been good for a long time and the men have chosen to ignore the problem.

 

So why is it that it seems you have to hit a man up side the head with a 2 x 4before he gets that his woman ain’t happy?

 

Is it that women go on and on and on so that men just tune them out? Or what?

 

Flame on, but this is a real, honest question. I just don't get it. So maybe I need a 2 x 4 . . .

[Art_Critic]

So why is it that it seems you have to hit a man up side the head with a 2 x 4before he gets that his woman ain’t happy?

 

It works the same way for both sexes..

 

Communication is paramount in any relationship ..

[Outcast]

Here's my half-baked theory. I suspect that many of those men adore their moms but either picked up on dad's complaints about 'nagging' or else decided for themselves that most of what women say isn't worth listneing to. Remember that women's brains are better wired for communicaton all round.

 

A lot of women tend to respond to situations emotionally, too, since that's another 'female' trait (notice, I'm not and would never say 'all' or even 'most'). It may well be that the men either don't have the ability to distinguish between emotional states or maybe they shut off and don't try to figure it out.

 

But in the end what you get is a man hearing 'it drives me nuts that you never take out the garbage' on a par with 'if you don't stop spending all our money, I'm leaving' - in short, just one more complaint rather than something serious.

 

So they slough it off. I watch Dr. Phil from time to time and it's quite the sight to see some guy who's doing something really nuts not realize his wife was in serious distress about it until she drags him onto Dr. Phil's stage. Two guys come to mind - one who spent literally all his free time in the garage playing with remote cars and another who kissed his dog every night before he kissed his wife - sometimes instead of! - and insisted on sleeping with the dog.

[johan]

Over and over I read about women trying to tell their men that things aren’t working in the relationship. And over and over I read about how men are so surprised when women leave or have affairs or what not when it’s pretty obvious things haven’t been good for a long time and the men have chosen to ignore the problem.

 

So why is it that it seems you have to hit a man up side the head with a 2 x 4before he gets that his woman ain’t happy?

 

Is it that women go on and on and on so that men just tune them out? Or what?

 

Flame on, but this is a real, honest question. I just don't get it. So maybe I need a 2 x 4 . . .

 

When you're done with this post, mind getting me a beer?

[Outcast]

When you're done with this post, mind getting me a beer?

 

:lmao:

 

Where's the damn screen wipers when ya need 'em?

[slubberdegullion]

So why is it that it seems you have to hit a man up side the head with a 2 x 4before he gets that his woman ain’t happy?

Hey! Don't waste that wood! I'm gonna build something some day!

Is it that women go on and on and on so that men just tune them out?

I'm sorry, what was that again?

 

OK, enough frivolity.

 

Yes, women do have a tendency to go on and on and on and on about the same thing over and over and over again in hopes that repeating it will make it sink in. It doesn't work, of course, because it just becomes so much background noise.

 

As well, men are big on clarity. Hints, both subtle and otherwise, aren't making it.

 

So if you want to communicate with your man, speak his language. Don't expect him to just "get it" because you're all upset or whatever. And when we ask if there's something wrong and you say "everything's fine," we'll actually take you at your word and think no more of it.

 

So be clear. Be direct. Be unequivocal. And, fercryinoutloud, say it only once.

[Becoming]

Women really may think they are being clear and direct. Maybe it's that we don't think we have any options after we've said it once and nothing happens.

 

And you're right, I think garbage and leaving get smushed under the same category of complaint (Oooh, this is starting to stink!)

[Outcast]

Maybe it's that we don't think we have any options after we've said it once and nothing happens.

 

Exactly. I'd love to hear the solution to this. Person promises to do something or even offers to do something. Doesn't do thing. Days pass. Maybe weeks or even months. How to get promise kept? How to get thing accomplished? How to not get frustrated when it happens over and over. Some enlightenment, please?

 

It's a copout to say there's no communication. I'll wager most women have tried saying it point blank. It simply doesn't register.

[johan]

The solution is for women to eat babelfish on Fridays. That's going to be a rule in my house.

[meltwithme]

And when we ask if there's something wrong and you say "everything's fine," we'll actually take you at your word and think no more of it.

Ahaha I recently recognized what "everything's fine" in a relationship means and damn it was a verry hard lesson to learn.

[Becoming]

But what about those who don't say everything's fine when asked? Who say point blank what's wrong, as Outcast says, only to get deer in headlight stare.

 

Over and over I read folks advising "You're just gonna have to give him 'The Wake-up Call' and leave. Maybe then he'll get it." Honestly, I read these and think women would be leaving all the time then.

[a4a]

Come on read these posts about women not happy in a relationship on LS.......

 

The response is mainly "work it out because there are slim pickin's when it comes to finding a good man".

 

We have been programmed into thinking that marriage and having a man in a LTR are the most important things in our life as a woman. PLEEEEEEZE!

 

No wonder men don't hear women....... they don't have to. They know that we are so desparate for marriage and to be coupled with them they can ignore us. We so need them, they can do without us,....... because it's just one less person for them to have to please. We put ourselves in the role of not becoming important, we allow it, we as women play right into the role of having lesser value in a relationship with men.

 

a4a- may have got up on the wrong side of the bed?

[ReluctantRomeo]

a4a- may have got up on the wrong side of the bed?

 

That's my theory

 

You ok?

[ReluctantRomeo]

It's a copout to say there's no communication. I'll wager most women have tried saying it point blank. It simply doesn't register.

 

I don't know Outcast. I think it really depends on the individuals. On the one hand, I agree in that the emotional world confuses a lot of my fellow guys, so they just try to avoid it and hope things will work out for the best. Like people who are non-numerate do with maths. And with similarly good results

 

On the other hand, I have watched female friends and relatives go round the houses, thinking they're being clear, when to a guy it's not. This happened at lunch only the other day - girl waffled and hinted for 5 minutes. In the end I put her out of her misery and offered the guy a 5 second translation. He was only too happy to comply once he understood what was expected of him...

[alphamale]

So why is it that it seems you have to hit a man up side the head with a 2 x 4before he gets that his woman ain’t happy?

1. women are very bad direct communicators, they hint and beat around the bush

2. women want the man to know what makes them happy (WTF!)

3. women will never be pleaased no matter what

4. women want everythign under the sun

5. women are full of shyt, mostly

[a4a]

That is complete Bullsh*t Alpha.......

 

I would be direct with you........

 

I woud tell you point blank..... "honey, don't let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out"

 

a4a

[Yamaha]

1. women are very bad direct communicators, they hint and beat around the bush

2. women want the man to know what makes them happy (WTF!)

3. women will never be pleaased no matter what

4. women want everythign under the sun

5. women are full of shyt, mostly

 

So true alphamale.

[JS17]

It works the same way for both sexes..

 

Communication is paramount in any relationship ..

True. I will swallow my pride and say that I am someone who needs to be hit with a 2x4 to get anything.

[Becoming]

No wonder men don't hear women....... they don't have to. . . . We put ourselves in the role of not becoming important, we allow it, we as women play right into the role of having lesser value in a relationship with men.

 

From my observation, I think you're on target a4a, regardless of what side of the bed you got up on.

 

According to men, women are bad direct communicators. The standard for good communication, though, is defined by male standards. Isn't that interesting. How many men are like RR who knows more female patterns of communication and can translate? Granted, women need to know male-speak of calm, direct communication, too, and they often don't.

 

Seems like we always keep expecting the other to adhere to our own ways of being and doing things, which may be the beginning of abuse and violence.

But I digress . . .

[ReluctantRomeo]

The standard for good communication, though, is defined by male standards. Isn't that interesting.

 

When I go cycling with Juliet, I slow a little to match her pace. When we are chatting, she slows to mine.

 

The stronger in a particular field defers to the weaker. That's love for you.

[Becoming]

When I go cycling with Juliet, I slow a little to match her pace. When we are chatting, she slows to mine.

 

The stronger in a particular field defers to the weaker. That's love for you.

 

 

Excellent description!

 

So women have to slow down emotionally for men because we're supposedly more adept in that area? From the looks of what I've seen in LS, I'm not altogether convinced that's true in general. Seems women obfuscate a lot emotionally, perhaps because they're just as clueless as men. It's just that they're clueless in different ways.

 

I wonder sometimes how many women actually know their own mind to be able to communicate it directly. Maybe that's the problem.

[alphamale]

Granted, women need to know male-speak of calm, direct communication, too, and they often don't.

problem is that women are too worried about hurting feelings and not stepping on anyone's toes and "getting everyone involved". women always bytch that men are not open and honest but they (women) are not open, direct, or honest in their communications.

 

you know one reason why sex in the city was so popular? because the four female lead characters did stuff that most normal women would not do. it was a fantasy for the female viewer.

[lilmoma1973]

That is complete Bullsh*t Alpha.......

 

I would be direct with you........

 

I woud tell you point blank..... "honey, don't let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out"

 

a4a

 

 

ROFLMAO!! Too funny a4a:laugh:

[lilmoma1973]

problem is that women are too worried about hurting feelings and not stepping on anyone's toes and "getting everyone involved". women always bytch that men are not open and honest but they (women) are not open, direct, or honest in their communications.

 

you know one reason why sex in the city was so popular? because the four female lead characters did stuff that most normal women would not do. it was a fantasy for the female viewer.

 

Alpha i do not agree with you on that !! In a relationship it is a give and take not a a take and take!! Why the women gotta be the one to do everything?

[Becoming]

I would be direct with you........

 

I woud tell you point blank..... "honey, don't let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out"

 

Maybe, though, that's not direct enough, thus proving alpha's point. He could be thinking, "Ok, how nice that she cares about my ass. After I get done letting her check it out, I'll be sure to not let the door hit this fine specimen."

 

Direct communication might be, then: "Get out before I call the cops." ???

 

Or are we analyzing this from way too many angles, which is also too true.