Is it ethical to ask out an ex-therapist on a date?

[Narcixus]

So I entered college a little later in life as a working student and in my country, the university offers cheaper therapy sessions to its student. The thing is, it's with their students on master programs as internships. It's great for people who can't afford therapy but still need some help.

With that said, I always got assigned masters' student that were just a bit younger than me, and I'd say all of those went along great with no issues at all. Funnily enough, since most of them related to my work-study life balance, I'd say some were far better relating to my circumstances than the more expensive therapists I had while I was just working. But that's beside the point... The main point is, after therapy is done and they are no longer my therapist, is it ok if I ask an ex-therapist out?

[BaileyB]

You can do whatever you like, it’s unlikely that she will accept. Most professions have a code of ethics and dating a former client would not follow the code of ethics for any regulated progression. 

Edited March 12, 2024 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

Therapists are used to the phenomenon of transference. (Crush on the therapist). Perhaps you should mention it now so she can address it professionally. 

It may not be unethical per se to ask her out, but it would most likely be very awkward. 

"Having a crush on your therapist is completely normal. Rather than being ashamed, it is an opportunity to acknowledge and work through uncomfortable feelings. It can feel awkward, but therapy is a safe, non-judgemental space. It is your therapist’s job to help you explore any and all feelings that you have while maintaining the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship"

[Narcixus]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Therapists are used to the phenomenon of transference. (Crush on the therapist). Perhaps you should mention it now so she can address it professionally. 

It may not be unethical per se to ask her out, but it would most likely be very awkward. 

"Having a crush on your therapist is completely normal. Rather than being ashamed, it is an opportunity to acknowledge and work through uncomfortable feelings. It can feel awkward, but therapy is a safe, non-judgemental space. It is your therapist’s job to help you explore any and all feelings that you have while maintaining the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship"

She's not my therapist any longer. Like I said in my post, it's an ex therapist I had while in university. We just so happen to have a common hobby now.

[Narcixus]

23 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You can do whatever you like, it’s unlikely that she will accept. Most professions have a code of ethics and dating a former client would not follow the code of ethics for any regulated progression. 

Even if she was in an internship and it only lasted a semester?

I understand why the codes exists for relationships between therapist and client. But afterwards it seems a bit redundant.

[BaileyB]

5 minutes ago, Narcixus said:

Even if she was in an internship and it only lasted a semester?

I understand why the codes exists for relationships between therapist and client. But afterwards it seems a bit redundant.

In part, the practice exists to protect the “patient” given the differential power dynamic between a professional and a client and the potential for harm.

The practice also exists to protect the professional from any claim of misconduct/abuse. Once boundaries have been crossed, it’s very easy to make an allegation - true or false - of misconduct. There is no time limit after which one is not able to make an allegation of professional misconduct… 

I would not consider it. That’s all I can say. 

[Wiseman2]

You could try asking her out. All she can do is say yes....or no. 

[basil67]

You may not agree with the code, but it's really up to her. 

And remember, if she's not interested, she will cite the code of ethics whether that's the real reason or not.  The code of ethics gives her the perfect way out.

[d0nnivain]

13 hours ago, Narcixus said:

. The main point is, after therapy is done and they are no longer my therapist, is it ok if I ask an ex-therapist out?

You can ask but the answer will most likely be no.  Read up on a concept called transference.   Patients bond with their therapists.  Therapists maintain professional walls to keep their emotional distance with the patience.  You are nothing more than the next file to them.  They feel like the most trusted friend because you can be so open with the therapist but you know very little about them.  Its not a 2 way street.  

If you have been off her service for a while and you have randomly bumped into her while enjoying your shared hobby, in that context you might have a better shot at getting the date. 

Edited March 13, 2024 by d0nnivain

[Alpacalia]

Not quite the same but I (female) had a first appointment with a male doctor and I found him very attractive during our first 1hr consultation. I was tempted to switch over with him as my doctor but I kept him as my doctor and my initial attraction subsided. So yea, the therapist situation is kinda similar. Sure, you can ask them out but it's probably a bad idea. Or not, who knows?

If you do feel strong feelings towards your ex-therapist, it might be best to explore those feelings in therapy with a different provider before considering asking them out. This will give you a safe and neutral space to process your emotions and make a decision that is best for you.

Edited March 13, 2024 by Alpacalia

[ShyViolet]

Considering that it was just a student intern therapist and not a "real" therapist, and you only saw her for a semester, I really do not see what the big deal is.  If you want to ask her out and are willing to risk some possible awkwardness, then go for it.  She can say yes or no.

[Ami1uwant]

On 3/12/2024 at 7:55 PM, Narcixus said:

She's not my therapist any longer. Like I said in my post, it's an ex therapist I had while in university. We just so happen to have a common hobby now.

How long was she not your therapist? 6 months vs 6 yrs is a big difference.

[smackie9]

Obviously you are pushing for this and finding ways to disagree with us. You don't really need anyone's opinion. If you feel it's an opportunity then follow your heart. 

[Lauriebell82]

On 3/12/2024 at 7:55 PM, Narcixus said:

She's not my therapist any longer. Like I said in my post, it's an ex therapist I had while in university. We just so happen to have a common hobby now.

It doesn't matter if she isn't your therapist any longer. I have been a therapist for 15 years and this would be considered a "dual relationship" even after the termination of treatment. This is because nobody technically is ever an "ex client" because they could need your services again and so that engaging in any dual relationship could damage that possibly and is very unethiical under most psychological board standards. Accepting a date with you could cost this lady her credentials or whatever she is working towards. I personally wouldn't do it. Plenty of other fish in the sea. As others have said, transference is a very real thing and it's totally normal to have a crush on your therapist because you are sharing such intimate information with them. I have encountered this in my professional career and told clients the same thing. It's normal and I care about my clients but strictly from a professional standpoint. I would never do anything to jeopardize the therapeutic relationship or my counseling license. 

Oh and even if she is just a student intern it would be totally bad practice for this lady to be breaking ethical standards during her training...I mean seriously what is she going to do when she gets into the REAL career field? Come on now. She needs to start practicing now!

Edited April 16, 2024 by Lauriebell82