finacee cheated on me back in april 05.I still have trust issues. help

[saint_scarlet]

I've been dating my fiancee' since the June 04. we got engaged only 6 weeks after meeting but if felt right.

He still flirted occasionally but it was either harmless or he didn't realise he was doing it.

one night when he was drunk he almost cheated on me with one of my friends, but was only tempted, and he did later tell me about it.

Also his new best friend while he was having drinks at my flat kissed my fella.

now I don't know how much of a kiss it was, but I was shocked esp as both are male, (my fella is bi-sexual) my fella promised it was the friend who kissed and my fella was shocked at what happened.

anyway all was good til last March when he started chatting to a girl online, then texts and finally we both met her. I was annoyed as neither had told each other they already had partners.

My partner promised faithfully nothing would ever happen. until he met her later where they kissed.

The same day he told me, I cried but kinda forgave him. I made him promise never to talk to her again.

we then visited his parents where I found a text off this girl asking if he'd finished with me yet.

We finished that day and I left him at his parents and went home.

both of us still loved each other but needed some time.

We got back together a week later. but agreed it would take some time to work things out before we thought about marrage again.

I'd also found out that he'd kissed his best female friend the night I'd left, and during the week kissed the lad again.

Months later after I'd forgiven him for the cheating, I found out that him and the lad had done alot more than just kissing, hurt like hell.

but there wasn't much that could be done now so I had to carry on. I still loved my fella.

and now everythings up in the air again.

He's now at college and making friends with loads of people, and I know two of the girls fancy him, and he's been texting and e-mailing them alot, along with the lads on the course.

I then found he was also texting the female best friend alot. which I didn't mind too much, but I've started to worry about this attention he'd getting, he'd been deleting his texts straight away and when I asked who'd text him he seems to pause before answering. and when he showed me the text off one of these girls he then deleted he sent items.

he's also been grabbing the phone off me.

anyway I confronted him about it infront of his female best friend when he recieved a text off the girl saying "I don't even want to text you incase she reads them" he didn't answer when I asked, instead this girl did, saying it was because the texts were her private thoughts and didn't want them shared.

I asked him about the other texts and he said it was because of the memory on his phone been low.

he's promised me faithfully nothings happened. and nothing will.

but I have problem. I don't feel I can trust him, not with the way he's acting. and even previously I was finding it hard, I was checking his e-mails, and his texts. and although I found nothing wrong I can't help wondering, esp as he's deleting everything. before I was dealing ok, if I was worried I'd check his texts and confirm I was been stupid, but now I can't even do that.

does anyone have any ideas of how I can get past not trusting him, and move on with our lives.

please help me. I need to feel secure before we get married.

 

thanks

 

scarlet

[sparticuss]

Scarlett

I think I can see the problem.

But I can't really talk about it on the board. Gets too many noses out of joint.

And gets me banned form boards, (for trying to help people. )

PM me if you really want to know the problem. And leave any sensitive nerves outside the boards.

[lilmoma1973]

 

I am so sorry to hear what he has done to you in the past!! I can't blame you for not trusting him look at all the lies he has told and kissing this one and that one !! Texting this one and that one and then went futher than kissing after you had broken up with him .. These are major red flags that this man can't be trusted and you have to decide if this is the type of relationship that you want with him!! He is in college and still doing things... How do you know he isn't cheating while there ? I wouldn't want to be with someone that continues to lie and cheat on me and can't be trusted!! You need to think long and hard if this guy is really all the heartache or not... Do you always want to keep wondering? I understand that people can change but from what you are posting sounds like he is still doing the same things again or you wouldn't be questioning the relationship!! Just MO!!