lala Posted July 24, 2001 Share Posted July 24, 2001 Why am i burdended with all of this self-reflection and learning tough lessons and he is happily going on his merry way with the next convenient girlfriend in his bed and at his beck and call? Basically my ex and i broke up awhile ago cause after loads of empty promises and pretty words he wouldn't make me a priority in his life and i was too demanding (i.e. i wanted him to pay attention to me...oooh, whoa, too much for him so he dumped me). after the breakup I spent months working so hard on analyzing myself and why i chose and trust men like him, so i wont' make the same mistake...and i'm really learning to be on my own again and taking charge of my own life. My problem is this. I'm jealous of his ignorance is bliss lifestyle. It seems so very shallow and so very EASY for him to just go from girl to girl in serial monogamous bliss and never be single. Why do i have to go through this long drawn out painful process of self-reflection bulls*** while he gets to live happily ever after in ignorance? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 24, 2001 Share Posted July 24, 2001 You will be condemned to a very unhappy life if you continually compare your experiences to those of others. You have your life to live and your lessons to learn, others have their own. You have your own unique personal goals and emotional needs to meet, others have their own. At first you sounded like a pretty level headed lady. But reading the last part of your post wondering why your life can't be as shallow and unfulfilling as your ex's made me change my mind about you. Hey, the choice is yours. I think your ex is just very emotionally immature, perhaps even stunted in his growth. Celebrate the fact that you are capable of having more meaningful relationships with people. The biggest thing you need to work on is letting others live their life the way they want to...and you live yours the way you must. To thine own self be true. Link to post Share on other sites
Been There Posted July 24, 2001 Share Posted July 24, 2001 Why am i burdended with all of this self-reflection and learning tough lessons and he is happily going on his merry way with the next convenient girlfriend in his bed and at his beck and call? Basically my ex and i broke up awhile ago cause after loads of empty promises and pretty words he wouldn't make me a priority in his life and i was too demanding (i.e. i wanted him to pay attention to me...oooh, whoa, too much for him so he dumped me). after the breakup I spent months working so hard on analyzing myself and why i chose and trust men like him, so i wont' make the same mistake...and i'm really learning to be on my own again and taking charge of my own life. My problem is this. I'm jealous of his ignorance is bliss lifestyle. It seems so very shallow and so very EASY for him to just go from girl to girl in serial monogamous bliss and never be single. Why do i have to go through this long drawn out painful process of self-reflection bulls*** while he gets to live happily ever after in ignorance? Why are you self-reflecting and he's not?...Because your GROWING and he's not! There are valuable lessons to be learned from each relationship we encounter in our lives. Through trial and error, we figure out what we can tolorate from a partner and what we can not. And although we must all "compromise"...you should NEVER "sacrifice". You'll only resent it in the end. Let's face it, each one of us has a different view of what the ideal relationship should be and what we want from it. There's no rights or wrongs. It's all relative. The key is to find someone who shares your values and ideas about what a committed relationship should be and NEVER accept less than what you, yourself are willing to give. If you're not getting what you expect, than move on. Chances are, in about 6 months you'll be involved with someone else and it will start all over again. But if you remember the lessons from your past and don't repeat them, then each new relationship becomes stronger and healthier than the one before. Here's something for ya: Try to list 10 things that made you love the jerk in the first place. Then make a list of 10 attributes or qualities you will look for in your next partner or relationship(as long as they're realistic)...AND STICK TO IT! Quite frankly, I wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with someone who hadn't spent any "alone time." Rebounders are the worst...basically self-fullfilling individuals who are so dependent on others to make them feel complete that they will NEVER be able to give back. So chin up, sweetie! Feel pity for those poor foolish women who are dealing with him now. They're going to learn the same lesson you did. And besides, I guarentee he's a lot lonelier than you think, which explains his behavior. He's just to self-absorbed right now to realize it. Link to post Share on other sites
lala Posted July 25, 2001 Share Posted July 25, 2001 thanks for your post. you are so right. he's probably lonelier than appears and doesn't even recognize it. i do feel sorry for him in a way because he's always been such a lost boy, kind of losing himself in relationships or drugs or whatever else could distract him from thinking about his life. I do feel sorry for the women he comes across because he's so convinced he's a 'good boyfriend" that he never looks at his actions. they arepurely self serving. so enough about him, time to let that go and refocus on me again and continue on my own path to independence. Link to post Share on other sites
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