killerlooks Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 I am having an affair with a MM. I know this is wrong but it is a long story. Anyway, it was supposed to be a 2 week affair and it has now become a 3 month affair. We talk 2to 3 times daily. We see each other at least once or twice a week for great sex. One thing we said at the beginning of the relationship is that we would not allow any feelings to become involved. Needless to say I have now fallen in love with him. He keeps asking me "you sure you're okay with your feelings" to which I lie and answer yes because I am afraid that if I say no I am actually falling in love with you he will run away. Anyway, my friend who knows about the affair thinks that he is in love with me also. However, last week he said it was all fun and f**king and he was in complete control of his feelings and naturally I said I felt the same way. There is another guy that is interested in dating me that I told him about and he sort of encouraged me to give this guy a try. Anyway, he went to Europe on Friday and to my surprise he called me on SAturday to say hi anD to find out if I went out with this guy (he actually called me twice, I missed the first call). Then he called me again today and we talked for 25 minutes - I am in Canada and he is in Europe (w/o his wife). Does this sound like a guy who is only in it for the fun and f**king or do you think he is pretending like I am. Link to post Share on other sites
cranium Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 There is another guy that is interested in dating me that I told him about and he sort of encouraged me to give this guy a try. If this other guy is not married and you are in any way interested in him, I agree give him a try. Does this sound like a guy who is only in it for the fun and f**king or do you think he is pretending like I am. Yes, he is in it for the fun and f**king. He's married and not to you. As soon as his wife finds out (and she will) you will be history. Link to post Share on other sites
Babbs Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Yes, he is in it for the fun and f**king. He's married and not to you. As soon as his wife finds out (and she will) you will be history. Why does it seem the OW is always history after the wife finds out? Is it because the W threatens the MM with "if you ever see that OW again....?" Help clear up this confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 You can waste endless hours trying to sort out what this guy is feeling or thinking. You can while away months playing 'the game'.....and for what? If someone is in love with you, they can't hide it. It would be obvious. And if he wanted to be with you 'that way' he'd leave his wife. I'm sure he has genuine affection for you, on some level. Certainly, you're making his marriage much more tolerable by providing some distraction and fun! But c'mon.....he's not in love. He's having his cake and eating it too. I'd check out the single guy who likes you and have a relationship where you don't have to play games, hide your feelings, pretend or lie. Just imagine....being in a relationship where you can be honest! You'll love it! Trust me! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Why does it seem the OW is always history after the wife finds out? Is it because the W threatens the MM with "if you ever see that OW again....?" Help clear up this confusion. Sorry, but are you serious? OW has MM attention. In and out of bed...Lust, emotions, fun, excitement, something new, intense. WIFE has her husband : All of that, plus history, a family, children, inlaws, neighbours, friends, a wedding, vows, a Life together, security, money, a house etc... WHY do you think OW loses out? Sorry, I don't mean that as harsh as that could read, but what makes the relationship SO worthwhile for MM? Think about it? He is having his cake and eating it too. If his wife finds out, ofcourse 9/10 he will stay with what he knows and trusts. Comfort and family, over the unknown and unsure. Link to post Share on other sites
Babbs Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 WHY do you think OW loses out? Sorry, I don't mean that as harsh as that could read, but what makes the relationship SO worthwhile for MM? Think about it? He is having his cake and eating it too. If his wife finds out, ofcourse 9/10 he will stay with what he knows and trusts. Comfort and family, over the unknown and unsure. Yeah, I get what you're saying WWIU. I would just like one MM to think more of the affair and actually care about the OW once the sh*t hits the fan. But it never seems they do. Once the wife finds out, they are mad, confused and take it out on the OW...which stinks. Then you find out what kind of guy they REALLY are. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Then you find out what kind of guy they REALLY are. There's an opportunity to find that out before the s*** hits the fan. Specifically, when he's telling lies to his wife and screwing another woman behind her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Babbs Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 There's an opportunity to find that out before the s*** hits the fan. Specifically, when he's telling lies to his wife and screwing another woman behind her back. Couldn't have said it better myself! Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Could be my overactive imagination, but this post had an uneasy, losing control, acting solely on emotion feeling to me. It seems like you’re caught up in the excitement of what this might be, thinking he could be in love with you instead of the cold, harsh reality of what it is, an affair that has high odds of becoming devastating for you now that you’re emotionally involved. You have an agreement that there will be no feelings, so unless he comes out and says he’s in love with you, don’t start playing the “does he, doesn’t he… what does this mean” game. Rein your emotions in and get some perspective before it’s too late. Also, take some time to evaluate the situation, the repercussions, what you ultimately want to happen, what you’ll accept, whether you'd want an ongoing affair, etc. You started it with one intention, but that’s changed, so you need to reevaluate the situation from a logical, not emotional perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Yeah, I get what you're saying WWIU. I would just like one MM to think more of the affair and actually care about the OW once the sh*t hits the fan. But it never seems they do. Once the wife finds out, they are mad, confused and take it out on the OW...which stinks. Then you find out what kind of guy they REALLY are. I hate to say it, but that is what happens when one falls for and gets involved with someone else who is married. He owes you nothing, really. I know the heart won't believe that though... The point is, (not all) most MM want to have a settled happy life...And something on the side. Without being caught or have to make decisions that will ruin his happy kingdom. And, he has alot more to lose with his wife, than the OW - So yes, he more than likely puts the OW out of his head, for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 There's an opportunity to find that out before the s*** hits the fan. Specifically, when he's telling lies to his wife and screwing another woman behind her back. Sometimes, the obvious tickles so much it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 I don't get it, you're already sleeping with this guy...and have been 2x a week for the past three months, so... what's the big deal if he calls to find out if you went out on a date? I mean, if he wasn't calling you would you still be willing to *see* him as much as you do now? He's smart--I'd call you too. He's already told you a few times that your relationship is just for kicks. Unless he says otherwise, you have to accept that and stop looking for clues in every little thing. Phone calls--even long-distance ones--are definate signs of being in like yes, but until something significant is actually said during those calls, stop analyzing;it's not love. Link to post Share on other sites
VnusMars Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 As one who once was stupid enough to cheat on his wife for basically the same reasons your MM is (ego), I can tell you what this guy is thinking... "Wow this is great! I get to have a sex object on the side and a wife at home. I have comfort and stability and love over there, excitement and danger and crazy sex over here. I'll play the game with my OW just enough so she sticks around, but not enough so she gets any bright ideas." Now...to be fair he may not be saying these things CONSCIOUSLY and deliberately...the type of person who would say those out loud and acknowledge them and still continue the behavior is a sociopath of epic proportions...but that's ultimately what his muddled brain (and another part of his anatomy, and it ain't his heart) are thinking. Cheaters all have one very very HUGE thing in common - we're masters at making excuses and compartmentalizing our stupid behavior so we can keep up the charade. And we have no excuse - we KNOW our marriage is more important than the A, but we keep up the precarious balance anyway, lying to ourselves and everyone around us that it's OK. Whatever crazy rose-colored glasses lies he's told himself so he can believe that what he is doing is OK...the lies he has told his wife to hide his dalliances...they're the iceberg underneath the lies he has to be telling you. Someday that ship is gonna hit the ice and SINK to the bottom. Run. Run VERY VERY far from this situation, save yourself before it's too late. He may break your heart, but he's going to break his wife's heart even more, and the blood will be on both your hands and his. Wow, sorry to get overly dramatic there, but the situation seemed to call for it. Link to post Share on other sites
harleygirl92156 Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Ok, here is an idea, call his wife and tell her about the affair. Most on here suggest "he" will stay with his wife, BUT in reality it is HER choice. Many women will not accept this and he will be out on his ear and SHE will end the marriage. Take the chance that she will throw him out and of course he will come running to you! How great would that be. It is a chance you take, but if it works out you will have him all to yourself and then the two of you can live happily ever after!!!! OH, by the way, if she does end the marriage and he does come running to you just what exactly will YOU have then??????????????? Let me tell you! You will have A LYING, CHEATING man with no integrity or virtue.......Go for it honey, who could let something like that go!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author killerlooks Posted December 13, 2005 Author Share Posted December 13, 2005 Wow, thanks for all the responses. Just to clarify something, I have known this guy for 10 years. He is in an extremely unhappy marriage, however, I do not want him to leave his wife and kids. In our situation us being together is just not an option for reasons that I cannot explain. However, I appreciate all the responses and I think you are probably right it is the sex (which is great LOL). I know it is wrong to be with a married man and I feel very guilty about it sometimes but it is such a complicated story. I know this is great for his ego - he has told me that but it is also great for mine (sometimes). Another thing is I got divorced 7 years ago and haven't dated since then and sometimes some attention is better than nothing. I really don't want to go another 7 years. The guy that is interested is not very verbal about it. Thanks for all your input -not necessarily what I wanted to hear but that's life. the truth hurts Link to post Share on other sites
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