symbol Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Hi everyone. To remind you of my story: I have been with my ex for more than 7 years with the last 2 years in different cities. We had a great thing going on, everyone was thinking that we would get married very soon. We’re both doing Ph.D.’s, so we are under lots of stress. Actually, this is why my boyfriend left me. He said that I wasn’t the happy, cheerful woman I once was and that he did not want a life full of “depression”. We also had some arguments every once in a while, because I was making fuss about small stuff. Well, that is obviously related to the stress I was in. Anyway, he broke up with me (over the phone) 6 weeks ago. The first week I was calling and emailing him all the time asking for another chance. After one week we talked once again and he said that his decision was final. Ever since then we’ve had no contact. He didn’t call me at all and I didn’t call him either. It has been 5 weeks now. There is no way for him to know how I’ve been doing for the past 5 weeks. So, it hurts a lot to think that he didn’t even bother to see how I was doing. So my question is, why do you think he is not calling and/or emailing at all? In an email he sent me right after the break up, he told me that he wanted to support me and that he was very sorry to make me so sad. But he has done absolutely nothing! I am doing okay and I think I have made lots of progress in moving on but still I feel heart-broken that he has not called me. Any ideas? Thank you. S. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 You're not moving on if you're wondering why he didn't call you. I hate to be cold, but there is a good chance he met someone else. The best thing you can do is resist the urge to contact him, wonder what he is doing or why he hasn't called. The longer you worry over things you can not control the longer your healing process is going to take. Stick to no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author symbol Posted December 12, 2005 Author Share Posted December 12, 2005 You're not moving on if you're wondering why he didn't call you. I hate to be cold, but there is a good chance he met someone else. The best thing you can do is resist the urge to contact him, wonder what he is doing or why he hasn't called. The longer you worry over things you can not control the longer your healing process is going to take. Stick to no contact. Thanks for the reply CaliGuy. I do not expect him to change his mind or anything. This guy has been my best friend ever since we met, that is what hurts me the most. I know that we cannot be friends, at least not now but I think I would have felt better if I knew that he still cared for me (as a friend if nothing else)... Link to post Share on other sites
simon sez Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 There is another woman in the picture. You also came across as weak and needy instead of strong and confident.... Men love a challenge. Give him one then... Do not call. Start dating others and make sure you are seen out and about town with another man and having the time of your life. When he then calls (and he WILL) be happy, be mysterious, do not talk about the relationship, and after one or two minutes of small talk then tell him it was nice talking to him but you have to get going and you will talk to him later.. Then tell him goodbye. ( ta! ta! is the way is should come across to him) He will call if you leave him alone and he hears or sees that you ARE moving on without him. HAPPILY.. His reasons were just excuses because he has someone else now. Same old story that always happens. There is another woman. Give him some competition and find another man and play hard to get... Challenge is what men crave. Don't fool yourself and let others tell you different. When a man gets bored he moves away from what is making him bored and looks for a new challenge..... Good luck... Be happy just the way things are in your life... be confident... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Thanks for the reply CaliGuy. I do not expect him to change his mind or anything. This guy has been my best friend ever since we met, that is what hurts me the most. I know that we cannot be friends, at least not now but I think I would have felt better if I knew that he still cared for me (as a friend if nothing else)... I'm sure he still hopes for the best for you, but wondering about it is probably not the best way to move on. It's really hard to be friends. For your own sake, I would recommend not worrying about things you can not control. Accept it for what it is and do you best to implment NC. When I lost my ex, I too lost my best friend. It sucks, but there's nothing I can do about it but move on and find someone else. I'm done worrying about the past. Link to post Share on other sites
iheartyou Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 hey symbol, i'm in a similar situation with you and it has been 3 months since we broke up. mine didn't call or email either but once he did send an sms saying, "just checking up on ya." that was it. he says not to call him either and says he is doing this to help me move on. it feels like he doesn't care about you, i know. but yesterday, i tried all day to win him back but his decision was final. i think it was a big mistake on my part. i would say stop asking him for a second chance because when they have their mind set, there is nothing you can do or say that will change it i think you should keep doing NC and do things that will take him out of your mind. my theory is that when he knows you're having so much fun without him, he'll know what he's missing out on! either that or he'll be happy for you. cheer up Link to post Share on other sites
Author symbol Posted December 13, 2005 Author Share Posted December 13, 2005 iheartyou, CaliGuy, simon sez: thank you for your comments. I do not think I will break NC and I have no intention of trying to get him back. Actually, at this point I don't know if I would take him back if he wanted to reconcile. I am just trying to understand why he has not called me all these weeks. I talked to a good friend and she says that it is perhaps because my ex is afraid to talk to me because he might feel very bad if he were to find out that I am suffering. (which is not true. I mean, I am not suffering at all) I tend to agree with her. I think my ex is acting like an ostrich - head stuck in sand. I think he can ignore the fact that he hurt me by not calling me and he feels better that way. Well, that's selfish and cowardly. And this helps me move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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