Hoping not to be left behind...

[Sonya_Love]

OK this story is complicated and has a couple of strange twists, so bear with me. There's this guy I've been seeing. We were casual friends before we became lovers. After we started dating, he never did seem quite attached to me... he'd talk to me on the phone almost daily, and was very affectionate with me and whatnot, but that's just the way he is; he's extremely warm and outgoing with everyone. He wouldn't really go out of his way to spend time with me, and still introduced me as his "friend" after a month of dating, even though we were dating exclusively. When "the talk" came about, he informed me that he likes spending time with me, but there are complicating factors such as schedules and the fact that he doesn't feel comfortable calling my house on account of my grandparents, who are very rude people, nor can he visit. Thereby, he implied that he's not comfortable calling our relationship anything in particular just yet. He was never emotionally quite "with me" either... but strangely, he exhibited a strong desire for his parents to like me. I know he probably wants to keep his options open because, in the words of his close friends, he "loves to date girls"; in other words, he's a bit of a man-whore. Understandable; I know he has plenty of options, as he's extremely good-looking, charming, and something of a local celebrity.

 

OK, here's where it gets bad. We got in a car accident recently. He was riding in the passenger seat and I was driving. He's now in a coma. Before this happened, I was making an effort to give him the space he needs and not demand more from him than he was willing to give, because I really do enjoy being with him and don't want to scare him away. But I was reasonably generous with my affections; I wasn't frigid or anything. Still, I kept any desire for "something more" bottled up inside me... Now, after the accident, I find myself dwelling on him, mostly out of ungodly amounts of guilt, shock, fear, loneliness, and all the anguish that come along with those things. He's expected to wake up soon, and there are a few questions in my head... So much is changing in my head the longer he stays unconscious... all his friends think of me as his "widow" of sorts, and introduce me to others as "Alex's girlfriend"... and the misery makes me long for him more and more every day... I've taken to writing poems and songs for him (which would have been completely taboo before the accident - no emotional intimacy of that sort was allowed)... I visit him at the hospital every couple of days, sing to him, talk to him, hold his hand, brush his hair, whatever... you see? It's not just friendship-plus-sex anymore in my heart... actually, it never was, but I was willing to accept it that way for the time being... but that has all changed... but I know that when he wakes up, time will not have passed for him; he will be waking up to a "day after the day of the accident"... everything will be the same as it was that day, and add to that the difficulties of recovery and such... what will happen to the dynamic of our relationship then? Will I be left behind due to our being on a different page? Will he be like, "Why is this chick suddenly so amorous?" Will he somehow realize how much I care for him, and respond well to that? But most importantly, I want to be there for him and help him, not bog him down with my needs after all he'll be going through... how should I treat him, what should I keep in mind when he wakes up?

 

I know it's a toughie, not your average post, but please, any advice is welcome no matter how vague...