Am I doing the right thing?

[sleepb12]

Ok, I posted a couple of weeks ago about my situation under "Do you think he's still interested?''

 

Here's a little background if you don't have time to read it. I will try to be short but it will take a second to explain.

 

My ex and I dated for about 4 months and have been broken up for about three. I am 22 and he's 27. I am on my last semester of college and am leaving to go to Houston at the end of December where my ex lives. The minute we met, we hit it off instantly. After that, we began a long-distance relationship. My ex graduated a year before with the same degree that I almost have and still has a house in the small town that we both went to college. I have dated before and had small relationships, but this was my first intense, serious one. My ex, however, has been in a lot of relationships and most of them with girls that he always fought with. What drew him to me initally was because he knew that I was a nice person and that I was a lot more easygoing.He used to always say that wow, I finally met a nice girl and I am not used to it. Anyway, we moved way too fast and I believe that's why it ended so abruptly. This Spring, I am doing my internship, the last thing I have to do before I graduate and my ex was always encouraging me to come do it in Houston. At first I was hesitant and then I realized I wanted to go down there. Well, the one thing that my ex always told me was that he wanted to get married in the future, but the idea of it scared him. He realizes he is at the age where all of his loved ones are getting engaged and moving in with their girlfriends, so he always felt more pressure. He always used to tell me that he had never fallen for someone so fast and that he could see a future with us. Anyway, one night, I had a freak-out session and told him that I was worried about moving down there to be with him. After a few minutes, I realized I didn't mean it and my ex talked me out of taking a break. The next morning, he explained to me that he wanted to do whatever it takes to work things out because he knew that we had so much potential together. Then that night, he broke it off out of nowhere, saying "I am having doubts." We talked the next day but I didn't get much out of him. I was totally crushed. He said that for some reason whenever he is with someone, he has periods of being unsure and he didn't want me coming down there if he wasn't totally sure about us. You see, I have learned about this guy that he is very wishy washy. He is known for going back and forth and back and forth. I also believe that he gets very scared of his feelings and bolts.

 

After a few weeks, I felt that I needed more answers so I kept emailing him. He would take a few days and then write back saying that he would be in town soon and that we could meet and talk about stuff. We met one time and talked more and he gave me stupid excuses on why he broke up with me. I tried to let that be it, but I kept on wondering about the truth. Then after a few weekends, I told him I would be in town and he always said he wanted to hang out. Well, we never got to hang out because I always had plans and he always made commitments with other people so the timing wasn't right.

 

Later on, we started to talk on the phone about our situation more every so often. He explained that he got scared and didn't know what to do,so in his head, the best decision was to just let me go.He said in the past when he had doubts, he always try to ignore them and try to work things out but it he always felt like he was wasting his partners time by acting like everything was ok and he didn't want to do that to me. Also, I had this feeling in my gut that I still needed to try Houston out next semester, with or without him. We established that the feelings were still there but he was still very hesitant on what he wanted to do. He was very afraid of jumping back into it because he didn't want to hurt me again. I told him that I needed one thing from him, to either attempt to work things out with me or we couldn't talk. He said he wasn't ready and that he needed to figure things out so I told him that we couldn't talk anymore. Well, the no contact lasted about a week and a half.

 

The weekend of Thanksgiving, we talked on the phone twice for a long time. He said that he felt like he still loved me and he wanted things to work with us. The same time, he said he was still scared and that he wanted to keep the communication alive and see how things go when I moved down to Houston in less than a month. I realize that he's just making excuses but I believed him because I agreed, I didn't want to jump just back into it either. We left it as in we to try a second chance but we were going to take things very slowly. I had told him that I went out that night and kissed someone and it drove him crazy. Don't ask me why I told him, something always comes over me and I feel like I can always be honest with him. The next night, he text messaged me asking me if I was going out. Almost like he was keeping tabs on me.

 

About a week and half later, he tells me that the timing isn't right. He says that he just recently met someone and he's kind of interested in her. He also says a part of him still wants to be with me, but it's not fair to lead me on anymore and not fair to me to get back together when he is so unsure of what he wants. He explained that even though he doesn't have that pressure of me moving down there because of him anymore, our situation still scares him. He explains that he is still very afraid of acting on his feelings for me and he's afraid of getting back together because he knows he screwed up so badly. We both decided that we would talk every once in a while and let fate take over for us. He said he wanted to see me when I got down there, but I am not getting my hopes up.

 

Anyway, that was a week ago. After I hung up with him, I decided that I had to let him go. I wasn't going to contact him anymore, if he wanted to talk to me, he knew how to find me. I am actually doing very well so far because I have accepted that I need to move on for my own sake. It's obvious to me that the guy doesn't know what he wants and he doesn't want to completely let me go because I am an "option" for him. That's why I have decided if he isn't going to do whatever it takes to get me back, then there's nothing left to be done. I know that commitment scares the crap out of this guy. I know that even though he has been in serious relationships, it scares him to think it might actually go somewhere. I believe in my heart, that he knew our relationship could be it and it scares him even more. This new girl that he is interested in, he told me that she was just getting a divorce and wasn't looking for anything serious right now. I know that part of him is glad about this because he knows he won't have to make a decision anytime soon.

 

My point is, I haven't contacted him at all and I know I shouldn't. He has to come to me. Well, two days after we had that last talk, he text messaged me making small talk. I decided to ignore him and I have never done that before so that's how I know I am getting stronger. Then, today, I got another text message saying there is going to be a job opportunity if I decide to stay in Houston and he hopes I am doing well and misses me. I know that those two attempts of contact may not mean anything and if they do, I know that he still cares at least. I believe if we are meant to be, he will realize it and come knocking on my door. In the mean time, I have decided that unless he wants to talk about giving us a real chance, I don't need to respond to him until I am ready to be friends. At the beginning, I realized that I was being very needy and that stops now. I know now, that he hasn't really had a chance to miss me. It's clear to me that he isn't sure what he wants and he needs to figure that out for himself. Until then, I know that it will drive him crazy even more because he's used to me responding and he will wonder why I don't anymore. I am tired of being predictable and I know that being mysterious is the key here. He needs to realize that I am okay with out him and I don't need him and I haven't shown that at all. He needs to see that I am not waiting around for him and if he does have strong feelings for me, he will come back. I know that in a lot of ways, we aren't ready to give it up, but he can't give me what I want and I may never know the reason why. He's either too scared to tell me that he doesn't want to be with me or he's too scared to get that close again. I know that those two text messages aren't much of an effort and I would want a lot more, but I think it's funny that since I finally decided I was going to try to move on and not seek him out anymore, he has contacted more when it was usually him responding to me.

 

Am I doing the right thing? Should I continue to not respond to his text messages? I think that since I am finally showing that I am living my life will get to him to either think, okay, whatever, I don't need her, or wow, I am actually losing her and I don't want that. What do you think? Need some advice on what to do in the present.

[sleepb12]

Update.

 

Since I didn't respond to his text message this morning about a job opportunity, I just got another one saying, "You don't have to talk to me but at least let me know if you got my last message."

 

What should I do? Why does he even care?