scared

[brandi]

ok. So, me and my boyfriend always discuss the fact that we're both blown away by how well our relationship is going, and how it's very likely we could end up married one day, though we're not rushing things right now. We've had maybe one or two bigger problems in our relationship, but we've always managed to talk and fix them, which sometimes took a little while, but we did it. I knew from the first time i saw him two years ago that I would fall in love with him, and when we actually did start going out, we both felt like we had been going out for months, when it had actually been maybe, two days. We spent EVERY single night together for a month and half, then when he went away for a month and a half we talked every night on the phone for three or four hours. When he came back two months ago it was right back to being together every night. And for maybe the four days in that time that we haven't seen each other, he's phoned me from wherever he was, saying that he's bored and wants to be with me instead. See, even though it's only been a few months, I know that I've completely fallen in love with him, we're so close, and we're each other's best friend. I know that he really cares for me alot, and I know I shouldn't tell him, but sometimes I feel like it's on the tip of my tongue, and I have to really try to hold back. I'm afraid I might slip up and say something, and then he'll freak out. He was four years ago in love with one woman that cheated on him and completely ruined him, (I hate her) and I'm scared he'll always be afraid to love me. Should I risk slipping and saying it, or should I really try to hold back?

[Tony T]

Start with telling him how very fond of him you are...then work up from there. By all means, soon tell him your feelings. If he can't handle that, it's much better for you to find that out now.

 

Your bigger problem, as I see it, is burning your relationship out. If you continue to see each other so often and be around each other 24/7, I can promise you that one day you will sicken of each other. It happens every minute of every day.

 

Right now, you're running on chemicals. When those chemicals weaken and diminish with time, and they will, you will start seeing things you don't see now. Slow things down a bit and you are a lot less likely to be bothered by the real, fallible human being you are with now but whom you are idolizing as a god.

 

Love is a drug we get addicted to but it it doens't work like other addictions. While we get the best high in the beginning, it fizzles out because we get as much as is available right from the start...unlike other drugs we can increase the dosage of with time.

 

It's far better to enjoy the passion and company over a long period of time without sacrificing all other aspects of your life. If I were you, my biggest concern would be burning this whole thing to a crisp...which is what you're on your way to doing.

 

I know it feels real good now. But, don't take my word for it. Ask around. Things that start out with a bang end with a wimper more often than not. Back off a little and smell the roses.

 

We want this to last for you and the way that's going to happen is for you to spread the joy a little thinner over a much longer period of time. I know you can't do that because it feels so good now. OK, enjoy. But remember what I have told you.

 

And, in the next few weeks, let him know you have fallen in love with him.

[Artlover]

I agree 100% with Tony. Right now you're not really in love with your boyfriend, you're in love with your idea of your boyfriend. You must give each other some space to breathe. If you fear he'll lose interest (or you will) if you see less of each other, then your bond is perhaps not what you think it is. All long term relationships require a strong foundation. And in that regard, there's no substitution for time and the space to grow while you're together.

 

Good luck!

Start with telling him how very fond of him you are...then work up from there. By all means, soon tell him your feelings. If he can't handle that, it's much better for you to find that out now. Your bigger problem, as I see it, is burning your relationship out. If you continue to see each other so often and be around each other 24/7, I can promise you that one day you will sicken of each other. It happens every minute of every day. Right now, you're running on chemicals. When those chemicals weaken and diminish with time, and they will, you will start seeing things you don't see now. Slow things down a bit and you are a lot less likely to be bothered by the real, fallible human being you are with now but whom you are idolizing as a god. Love is a drug we get addicted to but it it doens't work like other addictions. While we get the best high in the beginning, it fizzles out because we get as much as is available right from the start...unlike other drugs we can increase the dosage of with time. It's far better to enjoy the passion and company over a long period of time without sacrificing all other aspects of your life. If I were you, my biggest concern would be burning this whole thing to a crisp...which is what you're on your way to doing. I know it feels real good now. But, don't take my word for it. Ask around. Things that start out with a bang end with a wimper more often than not. Back off a little and smell the roses. We want this to last for you and the way that's going to happen is for you to spread the joy a little thinner over a much longer period of time. I know you can't do that because it feels so good now. OK, enjoy. But remember what I have told you. And, in the next few weeks, let him know you have fallen in love with him.

[quankanne]

amen to both tony and art

 

... don't be afraid to share your love by saying it, but also realize that right now, you're looking at the neat part of being a couple, the part where everything is pretty much a bed of roses. But love -- real and true and profound -- can withstand whatever changes it encounters. It's able to stand firm when the other person is hurting (like your guy) and it's able to heal.

 

Otherwise, it's a case of being "in love," where if reality comes knocking, it can't meet up to what it dishes out.

 

good luck with your relationship, and remember, a true sense of love withstands all tests.

[brandi]

thanks to all you guys for your advice. I've decided to hold off telling him how I really feel for awhile, until I can be sure of exactly what it is I'm feeling. Love is pretty weird, and I guess if we were meant to be I'll find out when the time is right. I also wanted you guys to know that I have no illusions about him being a god or anything, trust me, I've spent enough time with him to know he is definately human, but I still care for him alot despite those things, and I hope he'll be able to accept me despite my imperfections as well, which I think he does. Again, thanks, you made me realize that it really hasn't been that long that we've been together, so maybe we should cool down a bit.

amen to both tony and art ... don't be afraid to share your love by saying it, but also realize that right now, you're looking at the neat part of being a couple, the part where everything is pretty much a bed of roses. But love -- real and true and profound -- can withstand whatever changes it encounters. It's able to stand firm when the other person is hurting (like your guy) and it's able to heal.

 

Otherwise, it's a case of being "in love," where if reality comes knocking, it can't meet up to what it dishes out. good luck with your relationship, and remember, a true sense of love withstands all tests.