My ex [21F] broke up with me [27M] - Should I block her?

[TheRequirer]

Hey,

in july 2023 my ex broke up with me. She walked away and ignored me.

I then apologized 9 days later for the mistakes I really did and said we could work things out. (i did it rationally and not emotionally)

She said she doesnt go to places where she doesnt feel welcomed and didnt forgive me.

2 weeks after the "break up" (I set it in quotes because she never said she is breaking up with me) she unfollowed me on instagram.

I didnt react to it and i still followed her for 2 more months. (but i didnt watch her stories)

Then I thought she isnt coming back so I also unfollowed her.

However, a few days after I unfollowed her, she sent me a following request on instagram.

I didn't accept it.

After 3 or 4 weeks she removed her request.

I then asked her if she wanted something or what her intention was to follow me after going away.

She didn't respond.

Then, after 1 month, I texted her again and said that my message wasn't meant disrespectful and I had my reasons to not accept her request.

She didn't respond again.

2-3 months had passed by and 3 weeks ago, I texted her again. This time I told her that I regret what I did because I have hurt her in some ways, even though I didn't want to. I exposed her that I really felt guilty.

She answered me and sent me a long letter.

She said that she forgives me, and that she wanted to follow me because she wanted to tell me that she wanted to thank me since I recommended her to go to a doctor because she looked sick (I don't need to go into detail). She really had a disease and got surgery.

She said texting me was too hard, that's why she wanted to follow me.

But this doesn't make sense in my mind because how she wanted to tell me "Thank you" if she didn't wanted to talk?

I think she was just afraid to really lose me and that's why she wanted to keep me in her life.

She is in general a bit manipulative and tries to bait me back with a lot of moves. I never react to them.

She wants to act cold towards me but I know she cares.

She just surpresses her feelings, like she always does.

However, after she texting me back that third time, 3 weeks ago, I responded her too, and I wanted to ask how her life is going in the past months we didn't talk, but she didn't reply.

The thing I believe is, that she thinks that I am weak because I texted her, even if I didn't ask for her to come back or say that I miss her.

I think she just assumes it because I texted her in the first place.

She probably thinks that I want her, and she can easily be relaxed because she can have me anytime she wants.

Which isn't the case. But I think I give her the impression.

I know that I messed a few things up, but this relationship would never workout since she had a childhood trauma and my masculine urge thought I could fix her.

Big mistake, wouldn't advise anybody to commit to those people, honestly.

I still miss the good times, yeah, even after over half a year, but I can't imagine to marry this woman one day, she is too hurt by other people.

That's also the reason why she acts so cold.

I couldn't find the balance between being stoic, strong, serious and being compassionate and heartful. So I was harsh, and then when I saw I was too bold I tried to fix it by being more compassionate and kind.

It didn't work out.

Since I am not a psychopath I felt real regret how I treated her, really, I did do and say things no man should say to a person they care about.

But it happend and I am not complaining, I am paying the price for my actions and I am fine with it.

But I have to admit, that I think a lot about her since she also has positive traits, just like everyone. We really had a short, but very intense and strong connection.

She said, that she also still values and respects me, but I don't know if I can believe her.

I can really live with being broken up with, but only if I wasn't really wrong. But in this case it's my fault, and I can't really handle the regret.

I don't know how to forgive me that I was "dumb" like this even I have a really high standard for myself.

I can be "toxic" cold, just like she is towards me, to future women, but I think it is not the right path. But at the same time I feel like they don't respect me when I am more heartful.

I altered a few of my values, so it doesn't happen to me again.

I will detect a real woman and treat her with love, but a woman where I think that I have to fix her has no chance of getting into my heart ever again.

My question now is the following:

In a week it will be a month where she didn't reply to me.

I am a rules-person and I feel like blocking her everywhere, deleting all pictures of her, basically deleting all materialistic evidences that she ever existed.

Because I really don't want her back.

I didn't to it before because I thought maybe she comes back.

And also because if I say I will block her out, she will be blocked for ever and there is no way back. So I have to be careful of what I do.

On the other hand I think that she also didn't block me to appear "cold" (I know it's childish) so I have to not block her too and just ignore her too from now on even if she reaches out in any way.

My heart doesn't want to do this but my mind is telling me to match her energy.

Would you block in my situation or just leave it open, so she can also se me becoming successful as a person?

Thank you in advance.

P.S.: She just called me and then texted me, that it was an accident. I don't believe her, though. It is as if she sensed that I am about to block her completely out. Funny how the universe is wired.

Edited March 13 by TheRequirer

[Wiseman2]

How long were you dating?

What did she mean by "She said she doesnt go to places where she doesnt feel welcomed and didnt forgive me"

what exactly did you do that you apologized for?

If the breakup was 8 months ago, why are you still in touch and playing all these social media games? 

Set both yourselves free and delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Permanently. 

[TheRequirer]

21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long were you dating?

What did she mean by "She said she doesnt go to places where she doesnt feel welcomed and didnt forgive me"

what exactly did you do that you apologized for?

If the breakup was 8 months ago, why are you still in touch and playing all these social media games? 

Set both yourselves free and delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Permanently. 

Weve been knowing each other for like a year, and dating 3 - 4 months. I think she meant that I didn't treat her right and she decided to leave me?

I have been too direct about certain subjects, but I didn't cheat or did something drastical, I guess.

We are not following each other on social media and as I said, she called me. I believe with the purpose of getting attention or testing the waters. I am not falling for her tricks.

[Wiseman2]

Please free yourself once and for all. Does it even make sense to date for 14 weeks and drag out a breakup with all these passive aggressive social media games for 8 months? 

[TheRequirer]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please free yourself once and for all. Does it even make sense to date for 14 weeks and drag out a breakup with all these passive aggressive social media games for 8 months? 

It was a real deep connection. We have travelled a lot. It's not as light as it sounds, but it is very immature of her. She is only 21. And I have to add, I am not that experienced with this. I know she is still emotional about this. But she probably thinks that I will be available for ever. I ain't playing any games. Seems like I have to put an end to this. I just don't want her to reach out or contact me in any way. I assume she will do it anyways somehow (Maybe via a friend's account) since everybody want what they can't have.

Edited March 14 by TheRequirer

[happyhorizons]

Just move forward but I would not say anything negative or degrading towards her.  Just chalk it up to a lesson learned

[TheRequirer]

12 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

Just move forward but I would not say anything negative or degrading towards her.  Just chalk it up to a lesson learned

I wouldn't do it, since I know she doesn't know it any better. It's not worth it. Thank you.

[happyhorizons]

It never serves any meaningful purpose to be negative towards a lady just take the high road and don't look back.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is a bunch of nonsense, with no future. 

Yes, block her and be done with this. You have been wasting your time all these months playing silly cat-and-mouse games with her online. Both of you have some growing up to do, and when you do both mature and find a partner, it won't be each other. There is too much resentment and foolishness here. 

It's time to realize this is a dead-end so you can finally move on. 

[MsJayne]

Block her everywhere, drop the idea that you had something special, (because you didn't - if you did it wouldn't have dissolved into a puddle of childish social media games), and get on with the business of living your actual life rather than indulging in all this "following" foolishness. 

23 hours ago, TheRequirer said:

Would you block in my situation or just leave it open, so she can also se me becoming successful as a person?

You will never be "successful" as a person if your motivation is to impress other people, because that's incredibly shallow, and shallow people never get to experience the joy of not giving a f**k what other people think. Just block this girl and move on, she sounds like an airhead. Set your sights a bit higher and learn to recognise an idiot when you meet one.