I don't get it..

[Joe]

What is up with women standing guys up? I don't get it why they do. Today I was to meet this girl somewhere and I got there and waited and half an hour later she still wasn't there so I decided to leave.

 

This was talked about several times, it was ok and didn't conflict with either of our schedule and was both ok with it. It was a plan and was good to go.

 

In fact just the night before I had asked to make sure it was still ok and she said yes. I've been single for 5 years now, haven't had a relationship of any sort with any girl what-so-ever, I want to but...

 

I'm so f**kin' sick of making plans and then I go screwed over and end up wasting my damn time to get ready, go to the place, and wait and wait only for her to never show up.

 

This is like the 8th time this has happened to me, by different people of course. I'm getting to the point now that unless we're going to do it tonight! then I'm not making plans.

 

I do not get it, they have my e-mail addy, my phone number, for god sakes if you can't make it friggin' call me. I would rather them call me and tell me they can't make it rather than just not showing up.

 

I could never in my life stand anyone up, and I never do and never have. For one, if I make plans with someone I'm going to remember them, in fact I write them down so I DON'T forget. Secondly, if for some reason I can't make it I'm going to do whatever the hell it takes to make sure I get ahold of that person and let them know we have to cancle, even if that means driving to their house and personally telling them.

 

Thirdly, if someone asks me if I want to do something but it conflits with something else.. for god sakes I'm not going to go ahead and say yes and then just let it be.

 

To all the girls out there that is guilty of doign this, STOP IT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BAD THIS HURTS ME OR THE PERSON YOU DO THIS TO? Obviously a guy asking to doing something with you means the world to this other person, otherwise you wouldn't have plans with him.

 

People wonders why my self esteem is low, it's because ##### like this happens 50 times and I can't help but wonder what the hell is wrong with me that people don't want to do stuff with.

 

How the hell do I remedy such a situation? How the hell can I prevent this from happening? How much clearer can I make it when the night before I flat out ask "Are we still on for tomorrow to meet at 1:00 at Bobs Diner)?

 

What am I doing wrong? What can I do? How can I stop from being stood up? I'm tired of standing around like a moron at places for 30 mins waiting for a person that never shows. I always leave feeling embarassed because it's like "ppl prolly thinks 'hahah look at that moron, he got stood up'"

 

I just don't understand why instead of calling me to tell me they can't make it, they just not show up at all.

[Joe]

We've all been there before, we've all felt what it's like and probably at one time or another you did it to someone. Standing someone up. It's more common for a guy to be stood up by a girl than it is for a girl to be stood up by a guy, it's a simple fact. Why? Because guys get stood up so much, they actually know how bad it sucks.

 

Ok, I don't want to be sexist nor do I have scientific facts to back up my statement above. However, it is my opinion and my opinion only. Don't like it, tough #####. I cannot count the number of times I've made plans with a friend, of all the times it was a girl, and on the day of our plans this person was nowhere to be found and out of contact. Show up to where we had planned to meet and how about that... half an hour after the sceduled time of our meet she has yet to show up.

 

Now I must decide do I stay and waste another half an hour or do I leave? If I leave will she end up showing up or not? I sit and I wonder I can't help but ask outloud (in hopes that a chick can provide me an answer?) "why the hell do girls do this?".

 

Why would you make plans with someone like 3 days in advance or longer, then on the day of your plans you totally forget that you had plans or you cancle your plans in your mind, but because us guys can't read your minds we aren't able to know that you've cancled your plans.

 

If something comes up call and cancle and if you decide you wanted to do something else call and cancle, if you decide you dont' want to do anything call and cancle. You know it sure in the hell beats standing a guy up. I'd rather have a girl call and cancle than being stuck at some place waiting for someone that isn't going to show up and didn't bother to let me know.

 

Seriously, how difficult is it to cancle? Most of the chicks I know own a computer and they also know my e-mail addy. They know my phone number and they know I can be contacted anytime day or night. So what is stopping them?

 

First of all if I ever make plans with someone I always remember. In fact, I write the plans down. Secondly before we finalize our plans I make sure nothing else is going on for that day in question. I make sure my time is free and if so we make the plans. Lastly if something was to come up I wouldn't even consider NOT calling the person. The first thing I would do would be in fact to call and cancle our plans.

 

Maybe I'm being an a**h*** about it but you know after it's happened nearly a dozen times to me it get becomes old pretty damn quick. It's nearly to the point now that unless it will be happening today in like just a few hours, I won't be making any plans for the fear I'll be stood up again.

 

Funny thing is the day of our plans the person I have plans with is a) no where to be found b) isn't home and no way of contacting her c) in fact I don't even hear from her that day and d) it seems as if they totally forget, not evening apologizing for standing me up.

 

Ok, here are some tips for you to follow by:

 

1. If it conflicts with other plans, DO NOT agree to making plans to be picked up or meet somewhere. In fact if the time and day he suggests on making plans conflits with anything simple say "Sorry, can't that day have plans already".

 

2. Write it down. I do not give a rats ass to how good your memeory is, I've hear it a dozen times and it's no different than the previous time I've heard it. If you make plans right as you're making them ##### write the damn ##### down somewhere where you'll see them on a daily basis until the plans are taking place. Do not go into the 5 minute lecture with me about how good your memory is. Write it down similar to "Have plans to be picked up at 7 PM by Joe Blow on the 15th".

 

3. Confirm the plans. There is nothing wrong to making sure your plans are still on, even though you do confirm it chances are you're still f***ed and going to be stood up (for the guys). It's funny how the night before I confirm that the plans are still on and even doing so I still get stood up? HELLO I didn't ask you but no more than 20 hours ago if our plans were still on and you said yes!

 

4. If something comes up or you must cancle your plans for the love of god all I am asking of you to do is let the other person know you can't make it. Sorry girls, us guys do not have that magical power of reading your minds. If you cannot make it call us, e-mail is, come to our houses and verbally say "Hey, sorry but something came up and must cancel".

 

5. If you do cancle, make up a new time and date to do it. Not doing so will make the guy feel as if you want nothing to do with him, therefore hurting your relationship you may have with him.

 

6. On the day you have something planned, just a question, where do you women vanish to? Meaning, everytime it's the day I have something planned.. no matter what I CANNOT get ahold of the girl. I call and call and call, no answer. I never get a call from them. It's like they totally vanished. Hell, even those with no lives and never goes anywhere seems to vanish. Don't do this! Make an attempt to make contact to make sure plans are still on.

 

7. NEVER STAND A GUY UP. Period. Unless it is your own death, there is no reason in this world to stand anyone up. It takes no more than 2 seconds to make a phone call, write an e-mail or leave a message with someone that you cannot make it.

 

The point to this is; Do not make plans with anyone unless you're for sure you can attend to those plans when the day arrive!

 

If you must cancle, let the other party know so he/she isn't left waiting 30 minutes to an hour for you when this could of been prevented by a 2 minute phone call.

 

And for the love of god if you ever stand anyone up, APOLOGIZE FOR DOING SO. You know you're in the wrong, you know you stood someone up and you know for a damn fact you didn't attempt to cancle plans. Apologize and reschedule.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I just don't understand why instead of calling me to tell me they can't make it, they just not show up at all."

 

I wonder that a lot myself. It doesn't happen just in dating situations, it happens in business appointments, it happens when photographers wait for models who don't show up for paid assignments...it happens to Realtors who wait for homebuyers who don't show up to look at a home for sale...it happens in all kinds of situations.

 

Now, there are a great number of people who are dependable. However, I would say that an equal or greater number of people do whatever they feel like doing at the time regardless of what obligations they may have.

 

I have a friend who has been advertising for a housekeeper. He has people calling all the time and setting up times to come over to his house for an interview. Ninety percent of the time they don't show up at all, and a great deal of time they confirm...before they don't even come.

 

I really can't tell you why this is. Generally, a lot of our society's principles, integrity and ethics have degenerated because of lack of parental guidance, broken homes, drugs, etc. People are very much into themselves. They do exactly what they want at each moment without regard for agreements made to others.

 

I'm in the apartment management business and I can tell you that many people do not honor their written leases, move out in the night without notice, tear up the apartments, and fade into the sunset. Written contracts mean nothing to them...so you can guess how little their oral word means.

 

The bright side of all this is that you learn very quickly which ladies you don't want to have anything to do with. If a lady actually shows up for a date, then a lot of the battle is won. It's sort of tragic that it has gotten to be that way.

 

In the old days, when people trusted each other, guys picked up girls right at their front door...right off the bat...met the girl's parents, etc. That way there was no problem, except if the girl intentionally gave a wrong addresss.

 

I must add that it happens the other way also. Many guys don't show up to meet their dates. Women are very often frustrated with no-shows. Men are just as bad as women...so it's not a gender thing, it's a homosapien thing.

 

I'll work on trying to figure this out and get back to you. Just don't think you're alone. It's really bad out there. However, I will say it seems you are getting just a tad more than your share of the irresponsilble females. Maybe it's something you've done in the past. Who knows?

[midori]

I don't think it's fair to assume that it's primarily women who stand up their would-be dates. I doubt that's true . . . but of course that doesn't really affect the impact of what you've been put through by these selfish, thoughtless, rude women.

 

You might ask yourself what, if anything, these women have in common (besides being selfish, thoughtless & rude). I have never done this myself, I promise, but I know that some people (not just women!) will make plans because they don't know how to politely say, "I'm sorry but I'm not interested in going out on a date with you." Their lack of tact and basic manners is appalling, of course. You are in no way to blame for their cowardly, underhanded way of escaping an awkward situation.

 

But you might want to consider how your approach might be perceived by others. Are you persistent in requesting a date? Are you paying attention to how the woman you're speaking with is reacting to you? I know, this is very tricky and very very subjective. But I would say, as a very general rule of thumb, that if a direct request for a get-together is brushed aside (e.g. you: "oh hey maybe we should get together for coffee sometime." her: "oh, is that Pete's sister over there? I haven't seen her for years!") you might repeat the request one more time -- but only once! -- just in case she didn't hear you. But if you press her to give you an answer after asking the same question two times, you are in all likelihood wasting your time. If a woman is receptive to being asked out by a guy, she's usually tuned in enough to hear him when he asks her. In this situation, badgering someone for an answer they're trying not to have to give will not bring good results. Most people, I hope, will be honest when forced to, but there are definitely some who cannot deal with the awkwardness of delivering a direct rejection to someone's face. Which is pathetic and unmannered and ultimately much much more hurtful to the person whose feelings they are reluctant to wound. But it's easier for them.

 

Maybe that doesn't apply to your situation, but at any rate I so hope that this never ever happens to you again. What awful women! I do hope that if you're ever unfortunate enough to run into any of them after the fact that you'll give them the brush-off they so richly deserve. Who cares what her excuse was? Who wants to spend time with such a thoughtless, self-absorbed, unreliable person?

[sparkle]

WOW.

 

I'm pretty good about keeping plans and being on time. Although I've never stood anyone up, there have been a few occasions where I've been late.

 

But wow...after reading your post, I will never ever ever stand anyone up and will always follow the tips your provided. I promise.

 

And I know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. I have been stood up a few times and I hate that feeling. It drives me totally insane! Especially the half hour or hour that I've waited...doesn't it seem like the most incredible length of time?

 

It's been a few hours since you posted. How about an update? Did she ever call you? I can't wait to hear her excuse.

[Joe]

She did apologize and said it was because she overslept, she agreeed that it wasn't an excuse and she said she felt like a b**ch for doing so. I told her not to feel like a b***h but next time she needs to plan more carefully to make sure it won't conflict with anything.

 

Have plans with another friend for Thursday night, this was after us getting into a fight and didn't speak for 2 weeks when she told me she no longer considered me a friend.

 

You may remember that one where I told her I felt our friendship wasn't what i thought it should be and she freaked out and totally blew me off.

 

Well she called me Monday evening and apologized and said she was nothing but a b**ch and shouldn't of did that. She said that if i would like we could go to a movie or something Thursday night. In my heart, I just dont' feel it'll happen.