Thinking about working again but H does'nt want me to..

[Heavenlyflower9]

Before my family and I moved, we lived in Texas where I worked a good paying, full-time job. He worked part time, hopping from job to job and several months NO job. We were'nt doing too good financially (trying to stretch $20 til the end of the month + lots of bills) and on top of that living with his parents.

 

We decided things needed to change, so we moved to Germany. Big change huh? Yup! Thought this would be a great opportunity for us, especially for the kids. Having my family here was also a plus. Well, we promised each other that, he would work full time and I'd stay at home with the kids. Since I always worked, I hardly had time to spend with the kids and do housework.

 

We've been here for about 8 months now. H has a good civilian job working as a mechanic on tanks etc. with the Army. We have our own place now too.(we lived with my family for a little while) I am at home with the kids.

 

Yesterday, (just for fun) I thought I'd do a job search online. Well, I found one that would be perfect for me and wanted to see if I would even be considered. Told H that I filled out an application but had to mail it in. We did'nt have much time to talk on the phone so I told him i'd talk to him later.

 

At Dinner, he just so happened to see the application. I thought uh oh!!

He was upset and said ,"what about our promise?" I just wanted to try it out and thought maybe just for a few months since the job was temporary. Okay, I don't know what I was thinking. We're doing okay with what we have now. But the extra cash would help us out even more and we could get rid of some bills. I guess I was so comfortable working outside the home. Lots of things going through my head and alot of time too, huh? Then he says, well if you start working...I will quit my job and stay home. I was like WHAT? Now that's not fair! I don't want him staying home again and doing NOTHING!

I lost!

 

If H loses his job (hope not ) due to base closures, he would'nt be able to collect unemployment here in Germany since he's an american. Now, I have dual citizenship. If I work and became unemployed. I can collect and in addition recieve other help from the government. Wanting to also save up for retirement. But he does'nt see that. I guess, we're (he's) going to find out the hard way. I don't know what to do.

 

So, right now. I must keep my promise. He feels that I want to work because he's not doing enough. But he is, even more than I expected and it's great. No complaints from me. I tore the application in half. I'll just sit back do what I have to do and wait.

 

Just wanted to vent a little. Thanks for taking the time to read and any advice.

[Lil Honey]

I'm going to assume that the kids in your av are yours. They are cuties.

 

If your finances are okay while you are staying home, I say, stay at home. Your kids look like the youngest hasn't started school and your oldest looks like maybe a kindergartener. IMO, I would use the time you have before they go to school to love them, teach them YOUR values (cuz once they get into school, they learn others' values - whether you like it or not), and work on getting your husband used to the idea of both of you working when the kids are in school all day.

 

I would point out to him that yes, he IS doing a good job providing. I would show him the bills that a part-time job would pay off. I would give some sort of incentive to working, like have a vacation planned with some of the extra money. Discuss college plans for the kids. That will come up sooner than you think. I would try to talk to him about being a team and working together, rather than thinking that one person "isn't doing good enough."

[Heavenlyflower9]

Thanks Lil Honey!

 

My oldest is indeed in Kindergarden and the little one just turned 2. You're right! I should stay home. They really do need me to be here with them and not someone else teaching them other values. I did'nt think about that.

I will talk to Hubby again.

Thanks so much for the advice!

 

Heavenly

[JayKay]

If your husband quits his job and stays home he wouldn't be doing 'nothing', right? Wouldn't he be taking care of the kids?

 

Some men do become 'house husbands' when the wives yearn to return to work. I see nothing wrong with that.

 

I see a discrepancy in society when stay-at-home mothers are told, "You're doing the most important job in the world!" but stay-at-home dads are told they are doing nothing.

[Heavenlyflower9]

Hi JayKay!

Okay maybe I should not have said NOTHING! I'm sure there are stay at home Dads that do a wonderful job in taking care of the kids and the HOUSEHOLD! I know my H will be taking good care of the kids and them ONLY.

He has in the past. But....

 

Last year when he was at home, I'd come home from work tired and stressed. I would still have to pick up, do dishes, laundry, think of dinner and put the kids to bed. It was really frustrating. I've spoken to him about what needed to be done at home, in addition to taking care of the kids. He just said he'll work on it.

 

Well, since alot has changed. We live in Germany now and he's working full time, going on 8 months. I'm very proud of him. When he comes home from work he's tired as well. Coming home to a clean house, dinner on the table and the family waiting for you at the door is a good feeling. That's just how i feel.

 

I would like to go back to work in the near future. But for now, I'll enjoy being home with the kids. And taking care of the rest, I do have the time.

[lilmoma1973]

Thanks Lil Honey!

 

My oldest is indeed in Kindergarden and the little one just turned 2. You're right! I should stay home. They really do need me to be here with them and not someone else teaching them other values. I did'nt think about that.

I will talk to Hubby again.

Thanks so much for the advice!

 

Heavenly

 

 

Heavenly speaking from expierence being a stay at home mom it can be very frustrating and deserving all in one but make it known that there has to be times ,when he will watch the kids for you so you can get a break!! My h does his hobby and i hardly go anywhere without my daughter and daughter ,doesn't like it when i leave her with someone because i have always been there for and feels abandon when i am not!! Her attitude changes and lashes out and tells me i don't love her and that can be aggreviating !! I hope your h is on the same page as you with the disciplining because before he thought it was only my job because i was home and hardly ever pulled his weight and kids are suffering from it!! Just make sure you have an outlet if you decide to stay home!! I love be with my daughter but sometimes we all just need a break and with daughter suffering from separation anxiety it can be hard for me to do so!! Good luck in whatever you choose!!

[Heavenlyflower9]

Heavenly speaking from expierence being a stay at home mom it can be very frustrating and deserving all in one but make it known that there has to be times ,when he will watch the kids for you so you can get a break!! My h does his hobby and i hardly go anywhere without my daughter and daughter ,doesn't like it when i leave her with someone because i have always been there for and feels abandon when i am not!! Her attitude changes and lashes out and tells me i don't love her and that can be aggreviating !! I hope your h is on the same page as you with the disciplining because before he thought it was only my job because i was home and hardly ever pulled his weight and kids are suffering from it!! Just make sure you have an outlet if you decide to stay home!! I love be with my daughter but sometimes we all just need a break and with daughter suffering from separation anxiety it can be hard for me to do so!! Good luck in whatever you choose!!

 

 

Hi Lilmoma!

How old is your daughter? Do you have or plan on having more children?

I love being home with the kids! You're exactly right!! You need to have an outlet---time to yourself. When I was working, just communicating with other people felt good and getting out of the house. Well, at least our oldest one is in Kindergarten all day. I got my daugther into a daycare here. She'll go in the mornings from 8 - 12, starting in January. Just so I can have some time to myself, relax and maybe meet up with some friends. And if I really feel like it CLEAN. lol:laugh:

I'm also looking into joining a group to meet other moms and their children. Once she's in Kindergarten i'll slowly start working again, part time. Well, I guess we'll see what happens then.

Thanks and good luck to you too.

Heaven