how do you bring her back?

[vampireforce]

I read many posts here...and it seems like the girl only comes back to you only when you finally move on with your life...huh?

 

Actually, I have experience on it...my ex-gf that I'm gonna talk about from now had once left me for my best friend...we weren't really going out then...it was probably only me going after her but she rejected me when i told her i like her saying she likes my best friend. But later when I finally got over her and was with new girl, friend of her and of me (mutual friend) told me she liked me....so i brought her back into my life. It was probably one of the best decisions in my life...I cant regret the fact that I was with her cuz I've never felt that happy in my life before. Every possible second with her was full of happiness. I felt as if I owned the world.

 

We've gone out like that for a year. Cuz we were in boarding school, we were together 24/7 except the time we were in dormitory at night. By the end of semester, I told her to break up cuz we were going to different colleges and thought it was gonna burden her....For her I was ready to sacrifice all I had. Or was it probably for me? I dont know. But she cried so much when I told her we should break up. I couldnt see her like that and promised to never leave her...soon enough, I was ready to devote my life to her. During graduation, we introduced each other to our parents...and we promised to get married....it's only four years that we have to survive without each other. It seemed like there's nothing that could stop our future.

 

But distance struck us with harsh reality. Both of us were so fed up with missing each other...then **** happened. I acted so immature and impatient that I told her crying baby...and there went our first ever fight in our relationship. I got angry over something that I shouldnt have got angry.

It was over travel plans that were going wrong every time we talked on the phone. Her parents were strict and practically controlled her life, cuz her father just booked ticket to NYC without telling her...when she and i had plans to spend time in her college in minnesota. She's kind of person who never knows how to resist to her parents....I knew that but it just came out of frustration....that hurt her a lot...especially when she was having hard time adjusting to new environment and missing me....

 

Then it came to our anniversary day and her birthday. There was a miscommunication. I told her before that we would not even recongize those days since we were apart...we decided to celebrate it when we meet in winter break. But she was so angry and disappointed about the fact that I didnt make it special on the anniversary day. I was wrong I know...but those things started to pressure her....she told our mutual friend later that she had no space to breathe cuz of me...and she cried every night cuz of me....

 

She broke up on halloween. It's been 44days since then but I still feel no better. I was never able to deal with the pain by myself. I had to drink everyday....which damaged my health a lot that I've lost 10 kg....

She called me cuz she was worried about me...but when I stopped drinking we still called almost everyday. I begged her to come back so many times when I'm drunk and even when I'm sobre but she told me that

 

1) we've got no future ahead of us

- cuz her parents want her to come back and live with them after college

2) she doesnt wanna get hurt anymore

 

so she rejected me....

 

 

But guys...I really can't live without her. Tell me how to bring her back...

I' started not calling or mailing her since 3 days ago...and she doesnt make any contact with me either....should i continue this till i meet her in 10 days? cuz i meet her in NYC in 23rd....I'm gonna meet her this christmas....got 3days with her...please tell me some sound plan....please help me guys!!!

[slubberdegullion]

I really can't live without her.

Yes, you can. You're seeing a future without her that's clouded from all the time you and she spent together. This is perfectly normal.

should i continue this till i meet her in 10 days? cuz i meet her in NYC in 23rd....I'm gonna meet her this christmas....got 3days with her...please tell me some sound plan....please help me guys!!!

Keep NC up until you meet her, and when you do meet her, be polite and respectful but do not discuss any relationship stuff with her unless she brings it up. Then, if/when that happens, you must remain detached, as if it doesn't make any difference to you one way or the other. In short, you'd like her in your life but you're not prepared to turn your life upside down.

 

Good luck.

[vampireforce]

What if she doesnt bring up at all?

Then I gotta just give up all my hope?

Cuz I was planning to give her surprise party with her friends...date her with some romantic stuff in it...and finally on 25th night I would ask her to forgive me and come back to me in a restaurant with a performance stage if I can find one...I thought that would be romantic...and would might as well bring her back...am I just so disillusioned?

[slubberdegullion]

What if she doesnt bring up at all?

If she doesn't, she doesn't. But pushing the issue will only drive her further away.

Then I gotta just give up all my hope?

You never have to give up hope, but in order for your hope to have a chance of realization, you'll have to lay off and give her the time, space and clutter-free environment to make her own decision.

Cuz I was planning to give her surprise party with her friends...date her with some romantic stuff in it...and finally on 25th night I would ask her to forgive me and come back to me in a restaurant with a performance stage if I can find one...I thought that would be romantic...and would might as well bring her back...

I cannot imagine a worse way of going about this. Sorry to be so blunt, but you have done your part; any more would probably be perceived as too much pressure, and in self-defence she'll run to the hills.

 

So back off. If she comes back to you, then you have your answer. If she doesn't, you still have your answer. Either way, you are in control.

[vampireforce]

Seriously? Would it just drive her further away?

Damn...I thought that was my last resort...

[vampireforce]

So if I just ask her out for dinner or a date for the whole day...as long as I dont talk about our relationship...it's ok?

[slubberdegullion]

So if I just ask her out for dinner or a date for the whole day...as long as I dont talk about our relationship...it's ok?

Nononononono...

 

No date. No hugs. No kisses. No contact. Maybe a brief smile and hello, but no more than that.

 

Yes, it's difficult, but you're strong.

[vampireforce]

you see...it's winter break and we both go to NYC.

I leave there in 3 days after she comes....so we decided to meet up.

Do I still ignore her there? cuz I'm probably not gonna meet her for another year if I dont meet her there...

[CaliGuy]

so she rejected me....

 

Then you must accept that.

 

But guys...I really can't live without her.

 

Yes you can and you will, you just don't think you can.

 

Tell me how to bring her back...

 

Nothing "you" can do will bring her back. You have to realize it's completely out of your control. The only thing you control is yourself, your atttitude and your willingness to work on improving where you can.

 

She has all the control over the relationship right now. If she changes her mind it will be over a significant amount of time away from each other. She needs time to miss you to appreciate what you had, if she ever does.

 

There is no guarantee she is coming back, none. So you must accept that it's over and go with NC so you can start healing. You may decide once you are over her that she's not the right girl for you after all.

 

I' started not calling or mailing her since 3 days ago...and she doesnt make any contact with me either....should i continue this till i meet her in 10 days? cuz i meet her in NYC in 23rd....I'm gonna meet her this christmas....got 3days with her...please tell me some sound plan....please help me guys!!!

 

Continue no contact and don't meet up with her at Christmas. Don't go to dinner. Don't email or contact her in any way.

 

Don't you feel like you deserve more than just 'crumbs of her attention?" If so, don't beg for it and don't try and force it. It really should be, as J Dub said "All or nothing" if that's what you really want. Having only tid bits of contact with her or whatever crumbs of attention she throws your way while she doesn't want to be with you will only delay the healing process.

 

It's up to you to decide you want to wrest control of your life from her.

[vampireforce]

I'm having a serious mood swings...like I keep switching from "let her go" to "i cant live without her." It happens quite a lot of times...everyday! And it drives me really crazy when it comes to "i can't live without her" mood. I got exams coming up this week and when that mood hits me, I just cant work at all.

 

I really want her back. I never missed home this much before in my life...all along 4 years of studying abroad...It's really driving me crazy. I just can't avoid seeing her this Christmas. If I don't see her then, I won't be seeing her for a year....and everything will be changed more. We are hundred miles apart from each other so I can't expect her to miss me and want me back thing at all....

 

I know you guys are gonna tell me to let her go and move on with life...even myself knows well that I should do so, but I just can't. I don't want to let go. I will be healed but the wound will stay. She's really all I got. I need her. Should I still not meet her in Christmas? It's only 3 days....and on top of that, I'm seeing her in 5 months!

[Dumbass]

Hey Vampire-

 

I understand the "swings", cos I am also having them since my chick who was super in love with me just suddenly dropped me and now only wants to chit-chat on the phone like once a day at 4am, and NEVER talk about what went wrong, what scared her, or anything to do with the relationship and/or my feelings...

 

But although I am still "swinging" between detachment and yearning for her, I must admit that the amount of time I am comfortable being detached is growing, and slowly I am actually moving on....

 

I think you will too..

 

Keep reading these forums. I am SO grateful there's something like this out there for us...It's helped me a lot, and these people who respond are really sincere and make a lot of sense....Take their advice....I don't think you could find a clearer truth than the feedback you'll get here..

 

-Dumbass

[vampireforce]

I'm really lost.

Although I knew that she was just obliged to call me to check if I'm doing alright (after we broke up), I feel like she has never loved me at all when she can just live her life completely without me. Would it be only me who is going insane not hearing her voice about a week? Or not getting any mails from her? Geez...Is it that uncomfortable to talk to me when she has no feeling left for me? This is so cruel of her...She can't be doing this cuz she is a person who doesnt even know how to get angry...I know it's end of semester, she's got finals and all...but it's not so hard to spare her time right? God...I'm really having a big depression now..

[feellinghurt]

I don't believe you guys give these kind of advice to him. He was the one did the break up, come on, if I was her I would be acting like that too. You think it is okay to hear "I think we need to break up just cuz I feel like this and that?." Why are you so reluctant of approaching her in many ways? She won't make the move but you the one that need to do it. Have some ***** be a man, not a boy. What you are doing right now is being alittle boy. You don't need to hide your feelings, tell her the truth of what you want and ask her what she would think. If she loves you then there she will come back but be prepared that she might wants some compromise from you. Good luck!