A Quandry (mind games suck)

[Moai]

Well, I have written about this situation before, but it just seems to get weirder...

 

Last Tuesday a woman with whom I am just friends freaked out on me. She showed up at a bar where a concert just ended, and to my discredit I was hammered. I have recently changed my diet becaause of an illness and have lots 20 lbs, so the liquor got away from me. But, I remember being nice to her--I even bought her a drink when she arrived.

 

I told another female friend that I would give her a ride when it was all over, but I was way too hammered to drive. I was upset with myself about that, as I felt I let my friend down, but she was cool with it and it was no big deal.

 

The first woman had only been there for 20 minutes or so and then she freaked out. I can't remember what she said, but she made a scene and then stormed out. Then, like an idiot, I went to where she was to find out what was wrong--all loaded. I can't recall too many details of that, either.

 

The thing is, I have told this woman that I am not waiting around for her, she has made it clear that she doesn't want a sexual relationship with me (mixed messages aside), so what's the big deal?

 

I have noticed her getting jealous of my other, more rational friend, but I didn't expect this sort of reaction.

 

I think it is unfair for her to want me to put all my attention into her when she wants it, but when she doesn't I am supposed to sense that and back off. Moreover, I am cannot be totally emotionally connected to a woman who is not my girlfriend.

 

So, I haven't spoken to her for a week. In many ways this is a good thing, as it means that the whole scene is over, but on the other I want some closure to the situation.

 

I am torn between wanting to call her and not. I know that not calling her is probably the right thing, but I care about her even still, and the fact that I tried to talk to her all hammered makes me want to apologize--at least for that.

 

I don't know what to do, or what to say if I do talk to her. I am not angry or anything, I am actually more confused and ashamed than anything else. But I would hope that she would see the hypocrisy in her behavior, but deep down I know she won't.

 

Any comments would be greatly appreciated. I am alternating between happiness and dpression on an almost hourly basis.

[IrishCarBomb]

She's playing a power game. She wants your attention. If she gets it it shows that she has power over you. She makes a scene to see if she can manipulate you into diverting your attention from other girl to her.

 

Ignore her... don't reward her selfish actions. Move on and maybe she'll learn not to play stupid power games.

[Becoming]

What would be the harm in calling to apologize if you said something while you were loaded that was offensive? She must have some kind of mojo if she has such power that if you just called to apologize she'd lure you into some kind of death trap. Surely you're strong enough to resist!

[Moai]

When I went to see why she freaked out, she said, "We can't hang out anymore" and told me that I was "ruining" her experience right then. That's all I remember specifically. We may have talked on the phone after that, as I had a voicemail in the morning explaing that her phone died and she didn't hang up on me, that she would never hang up on someone she cares about.

 

I don't remember talking to her at all. I did call her before I saw her hammered, but I don't remember talking after that.

 

When she has done something that I find disrespectful, she has never admitted fault, just that she would never do anything like that because she loves me too much and if I feel that way "we can't hang out anymore". She's said it a zillion times.

 

She does have a strange power over me, and it is a drag. Beyond that, I don't want to get all into our relationship for the umpteenth time, I just want her to relax about me dating her, me dating someone else, neither of us dating anybody, or whatever.

[IrishCarBomb]

She wins if she gets any attention from you, even negative attention. Just realize that she's being completely unreasonable, and you don't have to put up with it. Ignore her entirely. No calls, no talks, no explanations, no excuses. Cut her off.