Playing a trick on daughter

[lilmoma1973]

Does she know there's no Santa--that it's you?

 

When my children were young they were bonkers this time of year. One year when one of my daughters was about 5?, I just "called Santa" to report the behavior. Actually, I was talking to the time and weather recording, but I had fun with this game, would report what Santa said to tell her, and she LISTENED! One day this bright kid said I really wasn't talking with Santa because no one knows Santa's phone number. "Oh, yes," I responded. "Every mother has Santa's phone number. She gets it in all that pile of papers they give her in the hospital when she has a new baby, but she has to sign a paper saying she'll only use it in emergencies. Your behavior has been so bad, I've had to call a lot this year, and Santa's kinda worried about what's going on with you . . . " We had a lovely discussion afterward, and she became a delightful child. She's now 16 and believe it or not, just a great kid even at 16. No trauma. We laugh about it now.

 

 

Yeah Becoming tried that tactic going to emal Santa and she didn't care and said you don't know Santa 's email and sent it and showed her that i told Santa she was bad and it didn't phase her that is why h suggested the withholding presents!! I think i am going to write a note and make her think she has been too bad to get presents and Santa was bring her switches and a lump of coal!!

 

No presents would probably be too traumatic. But we do do the coal in stocking just for fun.

 

 

Yeah Becoming tried that tactic going to emal Santa and she didn't care and said you don't know Santa 's email and sent it and showed her that i told Santa she was bad and it didn't phase her that is why h suggested the withholding presents!! I think i am going to write a note ans make her think she has been too bad to get presents and Santa was bring her switches and a lump of coal!!

[lilmoma1973]

i have my moments...

 

Not all the time but this time you did!!

[Outcast]

but doesn't santa bring presents to boy and girls who've been good? if she's been bad and she gets presents then you'll only reinforce her bad behaviour.

 

the parent should give her one present and tell her that the rest of the presents are in lay-away until she starts acting good.

 

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

 

This is just stupid. Moma, Alphamale attended one psych course and learned that you don't reward rats for bad behaviour and thinks that qualifies him as a psychologist.

 

Look. Your kid is a mess. She's got a teacher that treats her bad, inconsistent discipline, and two parents not on the same page. She is acting out because she's a little kid in a mess NOT BECAUSE SHE'S BAD OR NEEDS A LESSON.

 

:mad: :mad:

 

Here's the lesson you need to teach: you love her a lot and support her. I agree that maybe attaching each present to good things she did might be good for her. I agree that you get good behaviour BY REWARDING GOOD, not by punishing bad.

 

Had Alp bothered to attend Psych 200 and above, he would have learned that PEOPLE ARE NOT FRIGGIN RATS!!!

 

:mad:

[lilmoma1973]

Since this was your husbands idea anyway, let him read these replies or tell him what they are then see how he still feels on the matter. Of course it should be a mutual thing you both agree to either do or not do.

 

 

You siad that you had taken away her friends, the computer and her play station for bad behavior, how long has that been that she hasn't had those things? If her behavior has not changed since you took those things way, then chances are it might not change if you with hold the presents too, but then again it might, not sure.

 

 

 

Jade

 

Thanks Jade it has been 2 wks since all these things were taken !! I did let her play for an hr with the friend next door came over and i timed it for an hr and she started being ugly so i sent her home and she hasn't played with her anymore since been well over a wk since she played with friends !! She does use computer only for learning purpose not allowed on internet to play kid games !! she can only play reader rabbit and math rabbit !! I also took Frogger 2 away and that has been hell for her she loves to play that on computer but she wouldn't listen when i told her to take a bath!! She wants to boss and it drives me batty !! She don't want noone telling her what to do makes her angry!!!

[lilmoma1973]

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

 

This is just stupid. Moma, Alphamale attended one psych course and learned that you don't reward rats for bad behaviour and thinks that qualifies him as a psychologist.

 

Look. Your kid is a mess. She's got a teacher that treats her bad, inconsistent discipline, and two parents not on the same page. She is acting out because she's a little kid in a mess NOT BECAUSE SHE'S BAD OR NEEDS A LESSON.

 

:mad: :mad:

 

Here's the lesson you need to teach: you love her a lot and support her. I agree that maybe attaching each present to good things she did might be good for her. I agree that you get good behaviour BY REWARDING GOOD, not by punishing bad.

 

Had Alp bothered to attend Psych 200 and above, he would have learned that PEOPLE ARE NOT FRIGGIN RATS!!!

 

:mad:

 

Outcast i understand what you are saying but my daughter can't get no rewards she hasn't got too many smileys to get rewarded !!!

[whichwayisup]

I wouldn't do that to your daughter. The meaning of Christmas is just too important and this WILL scar her for a very long time. And, it's just plain cruel.

 

There are many other ways of getting her to behave but this route is not the way to go.

 

I am suggesting that you and your husband talk seriously about how to handle this situation as it will only get worse. BOTH of you need to be on side TOGETHER and take back the control. Set up rules and don't let her cross them. Consquences of her actions! Take stuff away from her as she gives you attitude. NO sleepovers, NO friends over, NO going out after school to play etc...But to mess with her at Christmas is something both you and your husband WILL regret. She isn't a BAD person, just her behaviour is. She may feel unloved and feels like she can't talk, or react in any way because she's afraid of getting into trouble, so that makes it worse and snowballs even more...

 

Listen to what people have said here, but don't make a final decision until you really think it through...Talk to the family Dr if you need to, ask for his input and suggestions on what is the best and fairest way of dealing with this.

 

Keep telling her that mommy and daddy love her very much. That should NOT change because of her attitude. She may be acting out and maybe there's more going on than meets the eye. Problems with the teacher, kids being mean etc...ALL of that is SUCH stress for a kid.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Art_Critic]

Outcast i understand what you are saying but my daughter can't get no rewards she hasn't got too many smileys to get rewarded !!!

 

I'm gonna throw in my 2 pennies..

 

Your child needs to be seeing a child therapist.. You and your husband are in over your head at this point.. You are talking about ruining Christmas because YOU can't control her..

 

Kids learn from positive reinforcement not by creating tragic events that they will never understand the meaning to.

 

There seems to be something missing in your posts.. Children just don't go on the warpath because everything at home is hunky Dory.

 

You and Your husband with the child need to see a professional to straighten her out.. or it will be too late to fix and then she will be a troubled teen.

 

Only one persons opinion

[whichwayisup]

I agree and was going to put that in my post, but decided to suggest you talk to the fam. doctor.

 

Something is happening. Don't blame yourselves, but she is acting out for a real reason.

 

IT IS SO IMPORTANT to show her that you both LOVE her. A child who feels no love and feels bad about themselves will have more difficulty in getting and wanting to be better.

[alphamale]

Here's the lesson you need to teach: you love her a lot and support her.

ahh, the above does not always work. i've seen it in action. the parents that try to be 'friends' and buddies and supportive with their kids sometimes don't understand they need to give discipline and use "tough love" sometimes. my ex g/f used this approach and two of the kids are still Heroin junkies....but she still loves them and supports them.

[lilmoma1973]

I agree and was going to put that in my post, but decided to suggest you talk to the fam. doctor.

 

Something is happening. Don't blame yourselves, but she is acting out for a real reason.

 

IT IS SO IMPORTANT to show her that you both LOVE her. A child who feels no love and feels bad about themselves will have more difficulty in getting and wanting to be better.

 

Thanks AC and WWIU , totally agree with you both and was talking to my h about this and was referred to a friend by a good child physcologist and am going to call tomorrow if the weather isn't too bad here they might not be open and see if our insurance will take this lady and see what is going on !! She is with me 24 /7 and can't stand to be away from me !! I guess she feels abandon because im always here and afraid when i leave i won't come back !! I am so needing a break and seriously thinking about my mom keeping her so me and h can finish up xmas shopping !!

[lilmoma1973]

I'm gonna throw in my 2 pennies..

 

Your child needs to be seeing a child therapist.. You and your husband are in over your head at this point.. You are talking about ruining Christmas because YOU can't control her..

 

Kids learn from positive reinforcement not by creating tragic events that they will never understand the meaning to.

 

There seems to be something missing in your posts.. Children just don't go on the warpath because everything at home is hunky Dory.

 

You and Your husband with the child need to see a professional to straighten her out.. or it will be too late to fix and then she will be a troubled teen.

 

Only one persons opinion

 

 

I thinking about taking her to see Santa at the mall and if he asks has she been good and i tell him how she has been acting and that she doesn't deserve anything what do you think Santa? You think this will scare her !!

[whichwayisup]

I thinking about taking her to see Santa at the mall and if he asks has she been good and i tell him how she has been acting and that she doesn't deserve anything what do you think Santa? You think this will scare her !!

 

Sorry, you're not getting it. DO NOT DO THAT! Oh man, Lilmomma...

 

Doing that will make it worse and I don't mean this harshly, but she is having problems, acting out and is very insecure. What GOOD will come out of that except humilate her and belittle her? Forget that logic. Santa isn't going to change her into a good little girl. Therapy will and lots of love from mommy and daddy WILL though.

[Art_Critic]

I thinking about taking her to see Santa at the mall and if he asks has she been good and i tell him how she has been acting and that she doesn't deserve anything what do you think Santa? You think this will scare her !!

 

you might get tears.. but I don't think that will make her pull into line..

[Outcast]

I thinking about taking her to see Santa at the mall and if he asks has she been good and i tell him how she has been acting and that she doesn't deserve anything what do you think Santa? You think this will scare her !!

 

DAMNIT WOMAN!!!!!!!

 

 

Are you not listening?????

 

You do not SCARE a little kid into behaving!!!!!!!

 

DAMN IT!!!

 

:mad: :mad: :mad:

 

Please please please please please please please see that shrink IMMEDIATELY before you damage that kid any more.

[Art_Critic]

talking to my h about this and was referred to a friend by a good child physcologist and am going to call tomorrow if the weather

 

Cool.. It's not the end of the world.. you guys need a third viewpoint

[933KJL]

I thinking about taking her to see Santa at the mall and if he asks has she been good and i tell him how she has been acting and that she doesn't deserve anything what do you think Santa? You think this will scare her !!

 

The object is to raise a beautiful caring daughter--not some psychopath because her mommy and daddy could find no other way to discipline her other than scaring her. Why not go into her room some night with a really big knife and stab it into the pillow next to her head? It will scare her and you will get a reaction!

[hotgurl]

She may feel unloved and feels like she can't talk, or react in any way because she's afraid of getting into trouble, so that makes it worse and snowballs even more...

 

moma if you fix this her behavior will improve. She seems to have sevre seperation anxiety. What grade is she in?

 

In my expereince with my daughter when she has had bouts of bad behavior there were underlying issue and when we fixed them the behavior improved.

 

How old is ss how does he treat her? Do you treat ss differently? Does he get away with crap?

 

And you hubby really needs to be 100% on board with this. Is he still touring a lot?

[Outcast]

Why not go into her room some night with a really big knife and stab it into the pillow next to her head? It will scare her and you will get a reaction!

 

Better yet, drop her off at a gas station and leave her there. Yeah, that's the ticket.

 

Thinking you're supposed to 'scare' children into behaving is seriously f*cked up.

[alphamale]

Thinking you're supposed to 'scare' children into behaving is seriously f*cked up.

it worked for me...i'm lucky my parents were pretty strict and did scare me when i needed it.... every kid is different. some need positive reinforcement and some need negative. but a mix will probably work best.

[whichwayisup]

it worked for me...i'm lucky my parents were pretty strict and did scare me when i needed it.... every kid is different. some need positive reinforcement and some need negative. but a mix will probably work best.

 

Well then. That explains it, doesn't it?

 

Look, there are scare tactics parents use on their kids at times, fine. But in this particular case, their daughter is unhappy and not able to function like a normal kid. I can tell by LM's posts. I think asking for outside help is the only way to go. Agree or disagree with me Alpha, I couldn't care less. To me, what counts is that little girl who probably thinks both her parents HATE her and she feels like she constantly is letting them down and disappointing them. Her mind is fragile and cannot "understand" what is what. I feel sad for her.

[Outcast]

it worked for me.

 

Exactly. Moma - do you want your kid to turn out like Alp?

 

I don't care if your parents beat you and stuffed you into a box, Alp. The science says that's not the best way to raise a healthy secure child who has a successful adult life including healthy relationships. Funny, that.

[Art_Critic]

it worked for me...i'm lucky my parents were pretty strict and did scare me when i needed it.... every kid is different. some need positive reinforcement and some need negative. but a mix will probably work best.

 

Did you every think that some of your baggage Alpha was created by things that your parents did to you growing up ?

[lilmoma1973]

The object is to raise a beautiful caring daughter--not some psychopath because her mommy and daddy could find no other way to discipline her other than scaring her. Why not go into her room some night with a really big knife and stab it into the pillow next to her head? It will scare her and you will get a reaction!

 

 

I'm not trying to scare her and would never do anything like that JKL that is wrong she would definitely scare her and be very wrong !!! I just want her to listen and respect me and will try anything !! I didn't come here to be bashed or belittled and some of these replys are really harsh almost like i am a bad parent and it is all my fault!!!! I have done the best i could raising my daughter with little help and that probably is the problem ..i have been the only one to do and be there and she can't adjust when i go and get me some time to myself she feels abandon because dad hardly around and mom is !!

[lilmoma1973]

Well then. That explains it, doesn't it?

 

Look, there are scare tactics parents use on their kids at times, fine. But in this particular case, their daughter is unhappy and not able to function like a normal kid. I can tell by LM's posts. I think asking for outside help is the only way to go. Agree or disagree with me Alpha, I couldn't care less. To me, what counts is that little girl who probably thinks both her parents HATE her and she feels like she constantly is letting them down and disappointing them. Her mind is fragile and cannot "understand" what is what. I feel sad for her.

 

 

WWIU she knows i love her can't speak for my h nothing in my life comes before her !!! She is always on my list before anyone

[Outcast]

I just want her to listen and respect me and will try anything

 

Maybe you would enjoy Dr. Phil's book on parenting. He's got great advice and he explains why some of the things you've been thinking of trying don't work at all and how they actually do harm. He also talks about what does work. You can get the book from his website or from Amazon, I'm sure.