Xillr8ng Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Hi all. 38 wife 34.Together 17 yrs married12 yrs. no kids.Wife moved to girlfriends sep.11 said needed space to find herself.Within first month we talked as normal went to lunches together and dropping by the house regularly.. she was bringing up the past garb..My drinking(our drinking) and the rare but abusive things I would say.I said yes to everything and cried sorries no defense to it.No cheating or beatings in the marraige.She was using every thing bad that I have ever done even before marraige,small stuff.She left everything including the cats she loves.I asked for a second chance somewhere in the future and she agreed.She has seen the changes in me.I have not handled this like I would have before.We have not fought.I have been as kind and gentle as ever a man could be.I have left the bank account open(she uses it) and continued to pay her bills and cell phone.I am four months no drinking no smoking and threw away all the bad associations that she hated(drinkin buddies).There is nothing left of the selfish man I once was.She still wasnt coming home.I have given her every oportunity to get her things including saying "I will leave the house just call me ahead of time".She will not get her things.I have pushed for the answer to divorce and I get no answer..I have not groveled or begged and have not called her in two weeks.Last week she called from work and talked to me for 3 hrs.I tried to let her go by saying "you are working I should let you go".She kept talking.3 hours!!!.Mostly small talk and she ended "i'll call ya soon. She has not called since .Over a week.Not even to say thanks for a book I sent in the mail as a gift.Not to ask about the cats or me.I have hit NC since the 3 hour talk but wonder if my timing is right.If she wanted out of this relationship she could just SAY it.Or tell me she is seeing someone.Or ANYTHING!!!!I do not want to break NC.I want this to END... What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Devils Advocate Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 ... file for divorce. Either she will come back and try to make things work or she won't and you can get on with your life. However she's waiting for you to make the first move (no talking, action) and she'll go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Thank you .I am going to file today.Through her friend I finally got the facts.She has been telling everyone that she told me she was through...(She hasnt said crap to me).She is in fact seeing someone else.Adios 12 years of marraige...Let me die crying in this lonesome house.How could she? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Getting ready to head to the courthouse to file....this hurts....i feel so alone..ive never been so alone...how could she do this much pain?..i thought i was loved... Link to post Share on other sites
Devils Advocate Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Getting ready to head to the courthouse to file....this hurts....i feel so alone..ive never been so alone...how could she do this much pain?..i thought i was loved... Your feelings are understandable and to be respected but you are doing what is necessary for your well-being accept that. As for the rest of that it can be answered in a simple phrase I was told long ago. "Women do not love men, women love being in love." It is a vile, cruel and unpleasant statement but one I have found to be true in every experience I have had, seen or researched. Accept it, live your life as an honorable man, take pleasure were you can and try to do no harm. This won't make your life easier but it is a philosophy that will help you deal with the trauma that comes with being alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Thank you all for your support....359.50 dollars and the petitition is on its way to her.Lets hope there isnt a contestation!!Stop the world I'm getting off at the next stop....Please tell me this is a movie I'm watching....Look and see....I'm the star......Where's my OSCAR??.... Link to post Share on other sites
Zetter Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 I will say one thing X - you have balls of steel. I'm proud of your decisiveness and your ability to act. It will end the pain much sooner than extending the BS like many of us do, myself included. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 Got to tell her papers were on their way.She cried and said she knows if she comes back it will go back to the same as it was.I assured her that I was never going back to drinking and selfishness no matter what.She said the pain was too much and didnt want to give it a chance.She is losing quite a bit here.The house was an inheritance 50% to me 50% to my sister.She cant touch it.No kids No assets or stocks or bonds.She has her car I have mine.Very little in bank account.She is not going to get much.I have always paid everything.She has never been on her own.She doesnt even have enough room to get her things out of this house.I get the feeling she did not expect this(Imagine that) divorce.I said I thought yould be happy.She said she was very sad about it.Either way the ball is rolling.I don't think she will change her mind and neither will I at this poiint.Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
symbol Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 My ex of 7+ years told me similar things, that he loved me but it was too painful for him to go on even though I told him that I would change. That was all 6 weeks ago, I haven't heard from him ever since. I guess this is the way it has to be. Let her go. There is nothing you can do to change her decision. It is her decision... On the other hand, you've done great things for YOURself: Quitting smoking and drinking! Congrats on that. Keep on working on yourself and the pain will go away some day. Good luck with everything. S. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted December 18, 2005 Author Share Posted December 18, 2005 She has seen the changes in me.She knows the difference in me...I just cant understand the unforgiving attitude that she displays right now.It's as if my wife changed overnight and will not show a shred of compassion or human decency to at least sit down and discuss anything...Recconciliation or divorce or anything.Its like a brick wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 Just get on with your life. I respect for actually filing. Just be happy and know that you don't need a wife to be happy. Get together with your drinking buddies(you have the right to have friends) and celebrate your newfound freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 Well update...She was served Monday and I expected to get a phone call.Nasty or nice just anything...Zero!!! Does no phonecall mean anything???????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted December 22, 2005 Author Share Posted December 22, 2005 Well update...She was served Monday and I expected to get a phone call.Nasty or nice just anything...Zero!!! Does no phonecall mean anything???????? Link to post Share on other sites
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