Intimidated

[liono]

I'm almost 24 and I'm a virgin. I'm not ashamed, I don't plan on having sex until I'm married. My problem is I haven't had a lot of experience in relationships. I have friends of the opposite sex but I don't currently have a girlfriend. I kind of feel intimidated when I want to talk to girl I like. It's weird, I'm afraid once I tell a girl I'm a virgin she won't be interested in me. It would be easy if I met I liked and she was a virgin as well but she doesn't have to be a virgin. I just want to meet a girl of similar age and interests that doesn't sleep around town. It's just the fear of being rejected, I guess. Does anybody have a similar problem or comment?

[Neptune]

Ouote liono

I don't plan on having sex until I'm married

 

That in itself is a challange. I assume you are probably thinking more along the line of until you feel you have found the girl you are going to marry.

 

Bear in mind that quite a few of the girls out there who seem to be sleeping around town are actually looking for Mr Rite.

 

So often now the sex comes into the equation rather quickly. Far too quickly, in my opinion. so, I applaud your determination. It is just difficult in the real world.

[Rickymoemoe]

Hey man you not alone, I'm in the same boat. I've dated a few girls here and there in the past few years just never worked out because I just didn't like their personalities. One of the things I experienced with girls around my age (i"ll be 24 soon too) is that if I end up telling them I'm a virgin and why, I end up getting attacked by them. More or less the girls my age seem to have little to no morality at all, and it seems to me they are completely uncomfortable dealing with a guy who is a virgin. I don't restrict myself to dating virgins (though I would if I could find any!) but its hard to make acceptions for someone who doesn't hold the same moral character as you do. I have no problem dating a girl who made a "mistake" one or two times and truly regrets it. Those girls are hard to find in the American culture of "sex is good anytime anyplace"

 

Truth is I've given up on American girls myself, mainly because I don't know where the good ones hide. Plus I'm moving to another country that has a better system of social accountibility in 5 months so hopefully I'll find a girl there. Even though I'm not all that interested in marrying a foriegn girl, I think its becoming more and more the reality in America. (Least where I live I hope its better in other parts of the country)

[liono]

Thanks for the comments. I wish some women would provide some input. I know there are plenty women out there who share the same standards. Sometimes it does seem that the good ones are already taken or they turn out not to be so appealing. Ricky, what country are you moving too?

[Rickymoemoe]

That country would be China my friend. A country will a high amount of social accountibiltiy, outlawed sex industry and moral values not based on religion. Its like a virtural gold mine. I still wish I could find a American girl with shared values however.

[archbean]

i also refuse to have sex until i'm married, if that ever happens. the difference is, i'm a girl. i really wouldn't mind a guy who also doesn't want sex until marriage. my minor problem is that those guys are really hard to find too. america just needs to get some good solid morals...

[JS17]

It's not really clear what you're asking. Are you asking if women would date someone who is a virgin? Are you asking if you think you'll find a woman who will wait until marriage?

[Kitteney]

at the risk of sounding Clinton-esque, could you define "virgin"?

 

i have a doctor friend of mine who says he's been treating an awful lot of STD's in so-called virgins--teens and 20-somethings.

 

apparently oral, anal, and handjobs don't count as sex. these people consider themselves "virgins" because they have not had vaginal penetration.

 

just want to make sure we are all on the same page.

[HeartSprinkles]

One of the things I experienced with girls around my age (i"ll be 24 soon too) is that if I end up telling them I'm a virgin and why, I end up getting attacked by them. More or less the girls my age seem to have little to no morality at all, and it seems to me they are completely uncomfortable dealing with a guy who is a virgin.

 

Even though I'm not all that interested in marrying a foriegn girl, I think its becoming more and more the reality in America. (Least where I live I hope its better in other parts of the country)

 

They probably attack you because you sound a tad bit condescending.

 

I am not a virgin, but I am a good woman. I know you made a point of saying that not all women were horrible, but I felt it was somewhat implied.

 

As for the main post LIONO, I am glad to hear that you feel strongly about something. If I met a guy that I liked and I found out later that he was a virgin, I wouldn't stop seeing him. I guess it depends on how open minded someone can be. I hope you find that special someone with the same views as yourself.

[liono]

Virgin is virgin there is no other kind. But to Heartssprinkles, that what I want to find a good woman. I know there are a lot out there but I guess I'm afraid to go out and find them. Archbean there are men out here who share those values, I guess we have to try harder to find each other. Like I said, the lady I want to fall for and marry doesn't have to be virgin but they have a sincere and true.

 

To JS17, my question is there anybody out there that is having a hard time finding someone who meets their moral standards(realizing perfection can't be accomplished)?

[paige]

This issue is also causing me a lot of distress. I'm almost 23. I'm not a virgin. I've only been with one man and that was my ex. I've been single for almost 3 years now and I'm having a hard time meeting men that are up to my 'moral' standards. Having sex too soon is definitely an issue I've come up against with the men I've dated since my ex. I've had to respectfully decline men because of my 'standards'.

 

It's not even just the sex issue. But pressing for it so soon even when there isn't a solid long term relationship makes me uncomfortable. It also shows that there is a disconnect in our values. So although I am not a virgin I can definitely sympathize with liono's feelings here.

 

I'd like to know how your friends feel about your standards. Are they supportive? My friends are constantly nagging at me for being unreasonable and all I ask is that I be in a stable loving relationship before even thinking about having sex.

[liono]

With my friends it's an ongoing joke but it's cool.

[liono]

They always tell you, you can find a good girl at church (I don't go to church looking for a date) but sometimes girls reared in the church are the wildest ones.

[clandestinidad]

sometimes girls reared in the church are the wildest ones

 

I agree w/ that! I spent too much time at church when I was little, and then grew up and formed a mind of my own

[SuperMonk]

Marriage is a piece of paper. I guess that's a "moral license" to have sex, eh? Sucks to be ya if you get in a fatal car crash.

 

[lilmoma1973]

 

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to wait till you find the right one to give yourself to!! I didn't was a virgin till i was 19 and i regret who it was!! I wish i had waited till i was married to my h he was my second and i am 32 !! Very rarely you will find a girl that don't sleep around but it is possible ! i applaud you for still being a virgin!! I was so embarrassed to be a virgin because all my friends was having sex and i wasn't !! I think i did it because i was tired of being a virgin !!

[liono]

RIght now it isn't that embarrassing. I haven't told the whole world I'm a virgin but my friends basically have figured it out. I figure it doesn't really matter I probably have indicators that single me out. In the past, girls have shown interest in me and I was interested in them but that fear got in the way. There seems to be many prospects(that's a word my big brother uses) that I regret not pursuing. They turned out to be really nice. After a while I would think man, why did I not go for it. You reflect on it and you can tell they wanted you to ask them out. I seem to have all the right excuses not to be the MAN and just ask.

 

Since this topic is about me being intimidated by the sex factor, I have another question or 3: Ladies when you are just dating(a relationship hasn't starting forming yet) when does the topic of sex get introduced? Or does that become an issue when things get serious? Or do most men ask right away?

[loveheart59]

I am a virgin and im 20. Its a bit different because im not a christian so Im not making a plege till i'm married (although I did think about it at one point:confused: ). The reason that I havent had sex is because I cant, not because I chose not to against my body. The problem I have with guys is that when they find out Im a virgin they lie and try to impress me because theyre afraid I wont like them if I know any negative things about them. Then as a result of that I cant do something so intimate with someone who lies to me, even if its just insecurities.

 

I dont quite know why these girls are attacking you but sometimes it makes you insecure if your guy doesnt wanna do it till marriage! I suppose it would make you feel rejected coz deep down (I know this isnt nice but...) when you get a guy with moral beliefs about sex you always kinda want him to be so attracted to you that he has to break them.

[justagirliegirl]

what is so important about staying a virgin? 5 minutes and you aren't one anymore?? Most everyone has sex eventually.

 

I understand wanting your first to be with someone special and not some random stranger but it would be a cruel joke to wait until you marry someone and find out you are totally sexually incompatible. End up with someone who hates it or has a bunch of weird hang ups about it.

 

My bf was a virgin at 23. I didn't think it was weird him being one in his 20s. He just didn't want to do it with just anyone. He wanted to with me. I think he has a pretty healthy attitude about sex and I'm glad my influense has helped with that.

 

If these immature girls freak out by you being one, hell with them. You wouldn't want to get in bed with them anyway.

[liono]

Thank you people for the responses. I didn't mean for the topic to get caught up in religion. I was stating how I feel about this subject and these are my thoughts. My beliefs may be rooted in Christianity but I make my own decisions. A true follower of any religion makes up his/her own mind and isn't brainwashed by their religous officials.

[loony]

That country would be China my friend. A country will a high amount of social accountibiltiy, outlawed sex industry and moral values not based on religion. Its like a virtural gold mine. I still wish I could find a American girl with shared values however.

Very funny...

[Lifestream]

Hey man you not alone, I'm in the same boat. I've dated a few girls here and there in the past few years just never worked out because I just didn't like their personalities. One of the things I experienced with girls around my age (i"ll be 24 soon too) is that if I end up telling them I'm a virgin and why, I end up getting attacked by them. More or less the girls my age seem to have little to no morality at all, and it seems to me they are completely uncomfortable dealing with a guy who is a virgin. I don't restrict myself to dating virgins (though I would if I could find any!) but its hard to make acceptions for someone who doesn't hold the same moral character as you do. I have no problem dating a girl who made a "mistake" one or two times and truly regrets it. Those girls are hard to find in the American culture of "sex is good anytime anyplace"

 

Truth is I've given up on American girls myself, mainly because I don't know where the good ones hide. Plus I'm moving to another country that has a better system of social accountibility in 5 months so hopefully I'll find a girl there. Even though I'm not all that interested in marrying a foriegn girl, I think its becoming more and more the reality in America. (Least where I live I hope its better in other parts of the country)

 

Maybe you're looking for love in all the wrong places. American culture is so many different things. On one hand you have the media influencing sex culture, but on the other you have a large portion of devout christians, muslims and what have you that stick to their moral values.

 

If you go to a club to meet girls, generally you know what you're going to get.

And your response sounds less about sexual morality than your own frustration in finding someone that meets your ideal visions of a perfect woman. So what if a woman isn't chaste until she's married. I think people just need to be aware of what they're getting themselves into.

 

Otherwise I think you're just trying to find a woman that squares with your own version of morality.