help me please!!!

[angel0912]

I am about at my wits end! It has been over three months since the ex broke up with me. Since we broke up, we have been communicating as friends, which I couldn't say no to for numerous reasons. I guess you can say I have essentially done NC for the past 3 months because we have NEVER discussed our past relationship or any feelings.

 

Being in his company socially, he has seen that I have numerous male friends, one of which I have dated (though I don't know if he is aware of that), also, when I have been around him I have been only friendly, very little flirting if any at all. This is in part because I fear showing that I have any emotional attachment.

 

I don't know if he still knows that I feel just as strongly for him as I did when we broke up- because when we broke up I feined that it was a mutual decision- though within a week afterward I apologized for a fight I started, told him I missed him, and that the way I acted (I flipped out) was shocking even to me because it is not of my usual temperment or character.

 

I can see how he would think that I have moved on- but I don't know for sure. Inside I don't feel like he has no feelings towards me, however, I think he may be scared of a relaitonship, and not willing to act on them. We studied together for finals, something that he was equally adamant about doing, and whenever we are together socially it almost feels as if we acknowledge each other to a greater degree than the others in the room.

 

I don't have the sorrow and the desperation I once had. Such emotions passed when I realized my faults as a girlfriend and in the relationship and when I realized that I still had baggage which since our breakup I have been able to let go of.

 

I know that getting back together would have to be his decision, so never would I beg him back or even ask- however, I almost feel it is necessary that he knows how i still feel, because I don't know if he would pursue any feelings if he thinks im not interested.

 

I have been given suggestions to ask him why we really broke up (he said that he didn't want a relationship- but never why, and i think its because i was acting a little crazy...) because then I would know if it was something that could be worked out or if it is just that he has lost interest in me. Also, I have been told to just come out and tell him how I feel, and get the burden of uncertainty off my chest.

 

I am weary of doing either, for I fear rejection in a way I have never had to deal with. I guess I am just looking for another opinion on the situation and any advice as to what I should do, and how guys acutally think about relationships,etc.

[lost/found?]

This is advice from someone who is currently dealing with a break up, so take it how you may, I would tell them how i feel in order to clear your mind of any what ifs. There are really only 2 outcomes.

 

1. He says he feels the same way

2. He doesn't

 

If the chance of being hurt again outweighs the good that may come from it then don't do it!

[J dub]

There are really only 2 outcomes.

 

1. He says he feels the same way

2. He doesn't

 

If the chance of being hurt again outweighs the good that may come from it then don't do it!

Ah yes...BUT:

 

Imagine you are out w/ your ex, he introduces you to another male friend of his. You exchange greetings, yadda yadda, and then the new fella says, "so (ex's name) how was the date with that hot chick you told me about last night?"

 

THIS could happen. It happened to me, because I thought eventually if I stuck around he would fall back in love with me. I thought he still loved me but was denying it. Turns out, he really just liked keeping tabs on me and seeing that I wasnt succeeding further than he in the dating pool.

 

Be wary of friendships w/ an ex like this ... I realize you are already in one but perhaps your best bet would be to say to him, "you know what? I thought I could handle being friends with you but I just love you too much to settle for frienship status." and leave. If he still loves you and wants you back, he'll chase you. If he doesnt, you'll have your answer but you made your break a clean and drama-free one. Best of all, you appear to be the stronger one because you are able to recognize the situation for what it is (Confusing) and were able to make a decision on whats best for YOU. When you respect yourself, others will too (I know, I'm probably beating a dead horse as you seem intelligent and already know all this, but sometimes it needs to be reiterated just for review).

 

If you remain friends with him, you'll never be able to fully heal and move on. You'll forever be stuck wondering if he'll ever realize who's standing right under his nose...it sucks, and if only the actions were as easy as actually doing it...