FINALLY!!! I'm engaged!

[aviva_dawn]

This is the wierdest thing ever, but it feels so right!

 

My best friend and I can't imagine our lives without each other. He's 24 and would like to settle down, marry and have a family. I'm 21 and want the same thing. I am attracted to him and always have, but since I thought that my ex would eventually marry me, I didn't pursue a relationship with him. He felt the same way.

 

We were spending time together last night and he got up and said:

 

"You want to marry someone who respects you, cares for you and who you can't imagine life without. I want the same. We think alike about raising and having children, how to split holidays, bills and living our lives. Why don't we get married?"

 

I thought about this overnight and told him:

 

"WHY NOT?"

 

So it's said and done. We'll marry in September of 2008.

[Evan87]

This is the wierdest thing ever, but it feels so right!

 

My best friend and I can't imagine our lives without each other. He's 24 and would like to settle down, marry and have a family. I'm 21 and want the same thing. I am attracted to him and always have, but since I thought that my ex would eventually marry me, I didn't pursue a relationship with him. He felt the same way.

 

We were spending time together last night and he got up and said:

 

"You want to marry someone who respects you, cares for you and who you can't imagine life without. I want the same. We think alike about raising and having children, how to split holidays, bills and living our lives. Why don't we get married?"

 

I thought about this overnight and told him:

 

"WHY NOT?"

 

So it's said and done. We'll marry in September of 2008.

 

congratulations...but the part in bold makes me wonder if you're really ready for marriage....

[slinkysu]

Congratulations on getting engaged, although at 21 you are still very young and only at the beginning of your adult life. I think you are both being sensible that you are planning a long engagement as a marriage needs more than just having same views, but needs passion, and compassion, and deep love. never settle for something that is good when you can have something outstanding. If you truly love your fiance, and can't imagine life without him then definitely move forward, but if you are only marrying because you think "hey he'll do" then maybe you need to have a sit down and think whether this is because you want to get married, or because you desparately want to get married to him.

 

Whatever you decide, i wish you health and happiness and a life filled with love and laughter.

[aviva_dawn]

Engagement was broken. He doesn't love me. I'm in a million depressions.

 

 

Dammit, I really want to get married!

 

(Strangely enough, this is the first time since sometime in mid 2003 that I haven't been in a relationship....... and it's no bowl of cherries, let me tell you....)

 

 

I'm just ranting, so just ignore the rant.

[bluetuesday]

why the hell would you want to get married despite not having a man you want to get married to? this post reminded me of those little girls who dream of being brides. they want the white dress and the big day more than the daily struggle of a working marriage.

 

wanting to get married should go hand in hand with finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

look, i'm sorry you're depressed and all (it'll pass) but it's never good to rush into something that's 'for ever' at such a young age.

 

and while i'm thinking about it, finally you are (or were) getting married? FINALLY? you're 21! that's just weird.

 

stay single for a while. it'll teach you some things i think you need to learn.

[whichwayisup]

Good luck!!

 

I think the others are right. Be engaged, live together first and really get to know eachother and grow together. People do alot of changing in their 20's to 30's...

 

Learn how to be independant, self efficient to do things on your own for your confidence level.

 

If things were meant to be, it will happen later in your 20's. Right now focus on work, and establishing yourself. Once married (and with kids) it's harder to do that.

[aviva_dawn]

This is what I'm going to do....

 

(I want to be a SAHM....nothing else. Yeah, that's what I'd like to do.)

 

I saw some guy make up a website where he said that anyone who wanted to marry him could simply e-mail him. I'm going to do the same thing. I'll create a website so men who want to marry can (In the USA that is who are citizens, since I am no way planning to marry someone simply for citizenship reasons.) simply e-mail me, we can start talking and then we can marry.

 

I've done everything that I want to do in life. I've traveled, lived alone, discovered my likes and dislikes and can take care of myself well. I don't care if a JOP marries me and my future husband and I was wearing rags, I still want to be in a marriage.

 

I know that most people wait, but I don't see the need to. People started marrying later and later about twenty years ago. Just because everyone else is married at a later age doesn't mean that doing so is the best thing for me.

[HannahLee]

Aviva,

 

Cher, if I may say so....you're a bit off your rocker. That's just my opinion.

 

I am wondering why you are in such a hurry to marry. Usually when someone is as desperate as you are, one of the the following is going on

 

1. You're living with your family and you see marriage as a way out of the way your life is now.

 

Alternative Solution: Move out and make your own life for yourself.

 

2. You want to have sex, but your religion forbids it outside of marriage.

 

Alternative Solution: Go ahead and masterbate! That worked for me.

 

 

3. You want to have children, but not out of wedlock.

 

Alternative Solution: Work with children as a volunteer. It would give you much practice for when you marry and have children of your own.

 

 

4. Everyone you know is getting married and you want to get married as well.

 

 

Alternative Solution: Well, I don't know of anything to suggest to overcome this situation. If I think of anything, I'll let you know.

 

It's okay to not be married at twenty-one. I don't necessarily believe that you should wait. Yet it is key to get to know a person before even thinking about marrying them. I wish that I could help you feel better, but I'm not sure what else to tell you.

 

Good luck!

 

 

PS: While reading some of your other posts, it seems to me that you've been in some kind of relationship since sometime in 2003. Perhaps you should take six months or a year and enjoy being single......

[bluetuesday]

This is what I'm going to do....

 

I saw some guy make up a website where he said that anyone who wanted to marry him could simply e-mail him. I'm going to do the same thing. I'll create a website so men who want to marry can (In the USA that is who are citizens, since I am no way planning to marry someone simply for citizenship reasons.) simply e-mail me, we can start talking and then we can marry.

 

it's a shame you don't live in the UK. a radio station here is running a competition where they pair up two complete strangers and make them marry. it's brilliant. the last couple who won lasted a whole three months, so it shows marriage CAN work for a while and be fun too!

 

I've done everything that I want to do in life. I've traveled, lived alone, discovered my likes and dislikes and can take care of myself well. I don't care if a JOP marries me and my future husband and I was wearing rags, I still want to be in a marriage.

 

this statement shows how young and immature you are. live in rags for a few months. trust me, you'll care. even better, live in an abusive marriage. or one where your husband cheats on you. not all marriage is good, you know. having someone there - anyone, it seems in your case - isn't always the best option.

 

and no-one has done everything they want to at 21. for a start you haven't married, so that must make your statement a lie. of course you don't see the need to wait. you can't see anything other than your desire to marry. post back at 31 when you're divorced. THEN you'll be qualified to say you don't see the need to wait.

[aviva_dawn]

it's a shame you don't live in the UK. a radio station here is running a competition where they pair up two complete strangers and make them marry. it's brilliant. the last couple who won lasted a whole three months, so it shows marriage CAN work for a while and be fun too!

 

 

 

this statement shows how young and immature you are. live in rags for a few months. trust me, you'll care. even better, live in an abusive marriage. or one where your husband cheats on you. not all marriage is good, you know. having someone there - anyone, it seems in your case - isn't always the best option.

 

and no-one has done everything they want to at 21. for a start you haven't married, so that must make your statement a lie. of course you don't see the need to wait. you can't see anything other than your desire to marry. post back at 31 when you're divorced. THEN you'll be qualified to say you don't see the need to wait.

 

You know what.....abuse, being cheated on...I've been there, done that...

I've been in therapy to help me learn how to recognize abusive relationships and leave them.

 

Marriage isn't a rescue by a prince....it's hard work. Yelling, screaming, disagreements....for most people it's just plain hell. (Perhaps I'll mosey over to the UK...that show sounds great!)

 

I'd like to have children and have sex, and not feel guity about doing so out of wedlock. That's why I'd like to get married. That's why it doesn't matter to me who I marry, as long as I get married.

 

 

Most people who know me believe that this is a phase that will pass quickly. Then, they say, I'll quickly come back to my senses and delight in being young and single. If this happens, I'd die of shock!

 

Then my brother made the comment "Hey, she's been talking about getting married since she was seventeen....Mom, I don't think that this is a phase...."

 

I think that he has it right.

 

 

I highly doubt that I'll even be posting on this board in ten years. I don't think that you will be posting here either.

 

Divorced or not.....being single parent or not....even if I'm married by 31 (which I doubt for all of my ranting.....men don't want insecure and moody women....they want strong and confident women. ) I'm sure that I'll be a whole heck of a lot different than I am now at 21. Not better, perhaps a bit wiser.....but different.

 

I actually don't like being 21.....everyone tells me to enjoy being young, but I don't see what there is to enjoy about it. JMHO.

 

More rant....do forgive me.

[justagirliegirl]

It sounds to me like you are hiding from something by needing to be in a relationship, any relationship. Are you hiding from yourself maybe?

 

You have been in a relationship all of your short adult years. I don't see how you can say you have done it all when you are only 21 years old. I am in my 40s and I still haven't done it all!

 

Do you live on your own now and have a full time job? Have you gone to university? I highly recommend staying single for a year or two and focusing on getting to know you.

[aviva_dawn]

It sounds to me like you are hiding from something by needing to be in a relationship, any relationship. Are you hiding from yourself maybe?

 

You have been in a relationship all of your short adult years. I don't see how you can say you have done it all when you are only 21 years old. I am in my 40s and I still haven't done it all!

 

Do you live on your own now and have a full time job? Have you gone to university? I highly recommend staying single for a year or two and focusing on getting to know you.

 

 

I live on my own, I've finished my AA (I actually "walk" in June since I already completed the necessary units to graduate, so I'm no longer in school.) and do not want to go any farther in education. I had very few goals growing up and even now. I know what I want. I know what kind of person I am, what I want out of life.

 

I've lived by myself for all save three months last year (I had a roommate.) and six months in 2004 (with my roommate and boyfriend at that time.) since I was eighteen. I've lived on my own and detest it completely.

 

I know that none of you believe that I should be thinking about marriage right now and should simply experience life for the time being. I happen to disagree with what all of you are saying.

 

Just a difference of age, experience and opinion.

[Becoming]

Congratulations, aviva! I was 21 when I married, and though we were young and clueless, we were in love and together. I knew who I was and what I wanted, too. I wanted him. It's been 25 years, and I still want him despite a whole lot of stuff we've faced together. He's a good man with whom I'm mostly compatible and who shares the same values.

 

Marriage is hard, but it sounds like you know this. Living alone is hard, too. Hell, life's hard, so you might as well have someone to share the load. But make sure it's the right someone, not just anyone handy or it'll be hell. And make sure you understand the vows. Do you love this guy enough to care for him if it turns out he's disabled and can't work? If he's shooting blanks and can't have children? If he breaks his vows to you?

 

It's your life, so do with it what you want. Despite getting married so young, I've earned two masters' degrees and a PhD, had two incredible children. It's not like life ends and you have no individual life just because you get married! Enjoy the giddy!

[aviva_dawn]

I put the following personals ad up on my local craigslist.org

 

Hello, I'm 22, a resident of Riverside, California and I'm interested in meeting a man with intelligence, who likes books as much as I do,and who can speak his mind and not be too shy to tell me if he doesn't exactly see eye to eye with me. I'm not looking for a man who wants a girlfriend or a fling. I am looking for someone who knows his own mind and is looking for the right woman to settle down with and marry. I'm not picky about age or weight or other superficial things.

 

 

I'm 5'7, 170 pounds. I enjoy figure skating, reading, creative writing, cooking, baking, meeting new people, traveling, and being a good friend to all.

 

I have never been married and have no children. I do not smoke,but do drink socially.

 

I like myself as I am. I wear glasses so that I can see better, my hair is normally in a loose version of a ballet bun. My skin is the color of hot chocolate with a marshmallow added. I talk everyone's ear off, am high energy to the hilt. I like to read. I love 1940's and '50 films, especially those starring Judy Garland and Ann Miller. I believe that we as humans should treat one another with nothing other than kindness.

 

I tried to run my own tutoring business, but clients were hard to find.....

 

I've also worked in a copy shop, as a telemarketer, as a Hotel Operator, in the California Conservation Corps by the shores of Lake Tahoe and also as a cashier at Target and other stores. Currently, I'm a student at Riverside Community College.

 

I believe that no matter how bad things may seem now, there is always sunshine around the corner.....that gives me most of my self confidence.

 

If I could change anything about myself, I'd not let my mouth run faster than the thoughts in my mind.

 

I dislike people who knowingly lie, cheat or steal. If they do it with the idea of hurting someone one else, that makes it worse.

 

I love going to Lake Tahoe on the Nevada/California border. It is one of the few places where I truly feel at home and at peace.

Just one look at the clear and calm water of the lake and I find myself escaping to a pleasant, peaceful place in my mind.

 

I like to hike, but I've never shown much aptitude for sports. Watching them is a different story.

 

I like to watch Football (as in Soccer, not the reason for the Super Bowl....)Figure Skating, Tennis, Swimming....and even Rodeo. (As in bulls bucking their riders off....)

 

I like all music. I like rap, R&B and Hip-Hop less than other genres, but I like all music.

My favorite musician is Enya.I'm a Judy Garland fanatic. My favorite band is Green Day.

 

I've been to a Red Hot Chili Peppers Concert and I also went to Celine Dion's Show, "A New Day...." not long after it opened in Las Vegas in 2003.

 

 

So, that's all that I have to say about myself. If you're interested in meeting me and are looking for a wife who would be your lifelong companion, send me an e-mail, tell me about yourself and we'll set up a time to meet.

 

 

 

----------------------

 

Lo and behold....that very night, I recieved a response. Actually, I recieved 20! This is one of them.

 

Hello!

 

 

 

Iam a succesful real estate agent in san diego. I am 28 half black and white, you can see my picture on my website below. But just in case it’s (his website) … I love the outdoors such as cycling and golfing… or hanging out at the beach just to relax.. I am very energetic and very positive… you can’t worry about tomorrow because it’s past, and you can’t worry about tomorrow because it hasn’t come yet… all you can do is worry about todayJ I laugh allot, and love to have fun! I am looking for someone who enjoys life and doesn’t worry or get stressed out… someone who wants to have kids right away… I would love to have 2 or 3 kids… I love kids so much! I would love for my wife to be a stay at home if she wants, or to what she wants to do. I am a Christian, but I am not religious.. but God is very important to me… I am nothing with out him. I love to talk, not write emails as much… so if your interested call me… my info is below. I will be looking at homes in the riverside county area on Monday.. so if you want to hook up for lunch let me know..

 

 

 

Talk to you soon…

 

 

-----------------------

I wanted time to think it over so I didn't respond.

 

Then he sent another e-mail saying that if I was interested to contact him. I decided to call him right then and there. We talked and talked. I think that he is quite good looking, and successful. Also very nice and has a good sense of humor.

 

Then when I talked emphatically that I wanted to have no sex or shacking up before marriage, he said that I was definitely the kind of woman that he'd like to marry. He wants to get married in MARCH and wants to start trying for a child right away, preferrably for me to get pregnant immediately and have a child before the end of the year.

 

I guess that I just recieved a horrible taste of my own medicine because I am not enthusiastic about marrying NOW as he is and I think that he is pushing too hard. He also wanted to get married either at the courthouse or in Vegas.....which I knew deep down that I didn't want. Dangit, I don't even know who this guy is and I certainly don't love him.

 

 

I'm serious, I don't think that I want to get married for at least 10 years, probably even more......this just frightened me to death!

 

I'd like a wedding where my friends and family could go to, not to run off with a man that I'd only knew for a month, or even possibly less and not have my family and closest friends surrounding me as I make the most drastic change of my life.

 

He's going to call later and I'm just going to tell him that I think that he is going too fast and I don't think that I even want to pursue a relationship with him at all.

 

Now, I know that there is a G-d somewhere because I wouldn't be surprised if this happening was a way to show me that the idea of marriage is not something to be taken lightly or obsessed over.

 

I know that my "wedding bug" has been officially cured. May I be single for several years to come.

[Shana]

Your nuts girl and that's all I can say about this...

[BeFree]

Coo Coo, Coo Coo!

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Hello aviva_dawn, I think you're fake, because I choose not to believe that any real person is this ridiculous.

[Ms_Sweetness]

I agree, this post is ridiculous!!!

[erika2610]

Comeon now.. she said she got a taste of her own medicine, and she's over it now.. lay off guys.

[MusicWoman]

my question here is why aviva is looking for a man on craigslist..when the beginning of this thread said she was already engaged....

[aviva_dawn]

The guy that I was formerly engaged broke off the engagement not long after we actually got engaged because I didn't want to sleep with him before we got married.

 

That's why I placed the ad up on craiglist.