Weird situation

[dahlia]

Hi everyone. I am hanging in there, hope everyone else is doing OK. We have been broken up for 6 wks. No contact whatsoever on either end.

He dumped me.

Anyhow, I have a friend I haven't talked to in a long while. She's a great person. A few nights ago we were on the phone and of course I told her all about my breakup and whatever. She said she knew that he was going to call me tomorrow. I totally blew this off b/c he hadn't called in a month and a half. These two never met, totally different parts of my life.. They live on opposite ends of the country, and never knew each other existed.

The next day, sure enough, my ex called. I saw the number pop up on my caller id, and couldn't believe it. He called four times in a row, and left four messages. I didn't pick up b/c I am doing NC. He left me, remember? In the messages, which I have analyzed and over-analyzed, he said nothing about missing me or getting back together, so it's a good thing that I didn't pick up.

I talked to my friend last night, and told her I couldn't believe she was right about him calling. I said, "Are you psychic or something?" And she said,"Yes, actually, I have always been, I just never talk about it" So I asked her why he called, and she said cause he wants you back. And I told her he didn't say anything like that in his messages, however, he mentioned that he was dating 4 other women. She told me that was all bs to get me jealous.

I haven't called him back, but what do you all think about that??????

I am pretty much floored!!!

[omegaRED]

Stop talking about your break up to your friend... Look, i know it can be a really, really weird thing to happen, but you`re clinging to straws here. This is just a glimmer of hope (rational or irrational, i`m not going into that), and you`re not moving on. Please... Just try to move on and don`t ask for advice from your psychic friend. If he wants you back, you WILL know it, without a doubt. If we (men) truly love a woman, we will go to the end of the world to get her.

[dahlia]

Hi Omega,

I totally agree with you that if someone wants you back they will go to the ends of the earth to let you know that. That's why I didn't pick up the phone when I saw that it was him calling for the first time in 6 wks.

 

You have to understand, I don't have the same situation as many others on here. They see their exs, many of pleaded, bumped into them, sent cards, called as friends etc. Then, they opt to go NC to heal.

 

I, on the other hand, never went any other route besides NC. He had never called before. Yes, I still love him. This breakup wasn't my choice, but I am beginning to accept it. I have done nothing to chase him. The fact that he called four times in a row really did get my hopes up. I sort of regret not picking it up, b/c then I would know for sure. He probably figured I was blowing him off and moved on, so now he we let me go.

If I would have answered he may have said sorry and he wanted to come back. I will never know now.

[omegaRED]

Yes, i understand completely. However... If i were in his shoes and wanted you back, i wouldn`t give up so easily. Like if you didn`t pick up when i called. If i broke it up and regretted it, believe me, i would find a way to tell you i wanted you back.

 

I know, i know... You`re thinking you missed an opportunity, and maybe missed a second chance. But, the ball is, and until he says those magic words ("Want you back", "Made a huge mistake" etc.), always WILL be in his court. The fact that he called you and you didn`t pick up DOESN`T mean the ball is in your court now. He`s gotta make some serious efforts to win you back. Really. And if he loves you, he will. If he doesn`t, you`re better off without him. It`s a win-win situation for you right now. Maybe you don`t see it that way, but IMHO it is.

[dahlia]

thanks for your response, Omega. I'm glad you understand how I feel.

 

I understood in my head that I would not speak with him unless he said he was sorry, wanted me back, etc. But, b/c we hadn't spoken in 6 wks, since he walked out, I was honestly starting to believe I would never hear from him again. When the calls came out of the blue, and they were one right after the other, b/c he was leaving messages, I was totally shocked. I was also scared that if I picked up I wouldn't have heard what I longed for, so I was strong.

 

It still doesn't negate the fact that I wonder what would have happened if I would have picked up. I am not going to live the next few days with what if's ....I just have been doing that for a day and a half. I guess that's enough of that!

 

The "psychic" friend told me he will call again this weekend, and the reason for the calls was b/c he wants me back and was trying to gauge me and my reactions when we talked.

[dahlia]

One other thing, and this may help many others on here who are being strong with NC. When the dumper finally calls the dumpee, what is usually the motivaton behind it? Please be specific b/c if someone says "guilt" or whatever, give an example. I think when we are strong enough not to pick up the phone after such a long time, and especially when we love the dumper and want them back, it would help alot if we knew the motivation behind their contact.

[Art_Critic]

The "psychic" friend told me he will call again this weekend,

 

..........

[omegaRED]

What did he say in the messages he left? Oh and, really, stop asking (or stop her from giving any) advice from your "psychic" friend. It really serves no purpose other than to keep you on edge the whole time and clinging on to hope. What happens if he doesn`t call? Dissapointment, again. Better to be surprised if he does, than dissapointed if he doesn`t. Just my 2 cents.

[dahlia]

He said in the message, I am really surprised I haven't heard from you by now, but, hey that's cool. He's really sorry it didn't work out, he tried his best, but, I obviously didn't want it to work. He kept going back and forth between, it's over between us and he really tried to make it work and I didn't . He kept saying we had to talk about a few things, we lived together, so maybe there are some "dumb" things to be tied up, but, nothing of any consequence. Finally at the end, he said something about, don't worry I'm not coming after you, I have 2 women right now. He was always a "dirty fighter" who said things to hurt me when we fought, and would always apologize later. I wonder if the women thing was to hurt me or if it's true. I just don't know. the message lasted 13 minutes. I know that I'm forgetting parts, but, basically he kept saying he tried everything he could and I didn't want it anymore. Bizarre b/c he's the one who walked

[scruffles2121]

OK, so I've been keeping up with your posts, and I feel as if I can relate. Been broke up for 3 weeks with no contact other than at work on work related issues via phone. (WE work at same place, in seperate buildings)! We dated 8 months, and lived together 5 of them. I did the walking since he quit the talking!! I've come to the conclusion that he was not into the relationship as I was but was too coward to say it. Regardless, he txts. me the other day and asks me to call him later please. I did not, so he sends another text asking me if I will talk. Yes, I did get my hopes up, and consequently, I called him. In my mind, I was hoping he would apologize, proclaim his love for me, and all would be well. Unfortunately, the conversation went on to include his admission that he wanted out of the relationship, but wasn't sure, so he kept me around until I left. He also went on to say how he started to be unsure because he was looking at other women, etc. He said he still loved me, and did not want to know when I started seeing anyone else. All games in my opinion, and very hurtful. He tried to say I would be with someone before him, and that he "gets bored" after 6 months in a relationship and starts losing his feelings for the other person. He claims he can't help this, etc. SOO, to wrap this up, I ended the conversation politely, and then proceeded to text him and tell him, "thanks for your honesty, wish you best of luck, please do not call me anymore." The end. While it is very hard to reject the one you thought you would spend your life with, you have to do it for yourself. The relationship ended for a reason, and it takes time for both parties to realize their mistakes. Instinct makes you want to run back to what you thought you had, but in reality both need time to rediscover what it is they originally wanted, and can they get that out of a 2nd chance? People play games too often, and the honest, committed people get taken advantage of. I'd give it more time, and continue on the NC path. A real man will fight for you, and work hard for your love and attention. I am learning this slowly, and it is hard as hell to not talk to the person who was your best friend. But you have to for yourself. He will realize someday what he lost, and regret it. That doesn't mean he wants you back for the same reasons you want him.

Good luck, keep me posted!!

[scruffles2121]

Another thing, they play on your emotions when you ignore them. It is an ego boost for him, he did the walking, remember! Why does he think it strange you haven't called him, he basically rejected you?!! Good luck, mine is rubbing it in about other women, ofcourse nothing is his fault, and he tried so hard too, blah blah blah. All cheap talk, but I'm not buying. I'm too busy trying to enjoy myself even though I want the happiness I had with him. Stay strong, and you'll find someone who respects you more and is more mature than that!!