Where is the line drawn when ur b/f looks @ other women?

[witabix]

No, I'm serious. Also, what we feel for someone affects what we think of their physical appearance. It surely is a nice feeling to be told by your partner that you are the most beautiful person in every way, and to know they mean it. And it happens...to people...in great relationships...a lot...it's not fiction.

 

Have to back up Makaze on this one. I see other women all the time, and I might think they look attractive, or even physically stunning. However I don't know what these women are like. For me true beauty is not confined to the physicality of a person. I find a womans beauty is inherently teid up with her personality.

 

However I am not some shining beacon of modern man. I have many shallow parts, and on this issue the water is only deep enough to wet the bottom of my socks!

 

All my SO's were and still are stunning looking women. I have a set of guidelines for a female form that I find attractive. If that is allied to a personality that I like then its green lights. If the personality or the physicality is not there it will be red lights.

 

Therefore I do think that my current g/f is the most beautiful woman and tell her so a la Makaze's post.

[purtyinpink_11]

Holy moly! Better poke his eyes out then! I agree he should want you more than anyone else but

that's very different from thinking you are the most attractive female on the entire planet.

 

I don't even think that because I know I'm not the only attractive female in the world and I can accept that and the only way is by taking care of myself and making myself look beautiful for myself and for him.

[purtyinpink_11]

Have to back up Makaze on this one. I see other women all the time, and I might think they look attractive, or even physically stunning. However I don't know what these women are like.

For me true beauty is not confined to the physicality of a person. I find a womans beauty is inherently teid up with her personality.

However I am not some shining beacon of modern man. I have many shallow parts, and on this issue the water is only deep enough to wet the bottom of my socks!

 

All my SO's were and still are stunning looking women. I have a set of guidelines for a female form that I find attractive. If that is allied to a personality that I like then its green lights. If the personality or the physicality is not there it will be red lights.

 

Therefore I do think that my current g/f is the most beautiful woman and tell her so a la Makaze's post.

 

And you are correct witabix, it's more than just superficial but when men (and women) are looking, they don't think of personalities and if they like sushi or walks on the beach!! You know what I mean? That's more like if you're looking to actually meet someone.

[High Contrast]

Well, depends on your standards then. I could never be with a guy who finds anybody else more attractive physically, I don't think I could ever feel comfortable enough with him.

 

It's not 'impossible' as you'd think.

 

Do you have a modeling page up, cause you must be pretty smoking hot. Or maybe you're used to dating fellows with silver tongues.

 

I will always be more attracted to my girlfriend than some hollywood star, because attraction and affection is emotional, not physical. But I'd be a liar to claim to have dated anyone more physically attractive than Angelina Jolie.

[makaze]

Do you have a modeling page up, cause you must be pretty smoking hot. Or maybe you're used to dating fellows with silver tongues.

 

It's not an objective thing. Most people find one person the most physically attractive. To some people, that person is their SO. It's very subjective since you are influenced by your emotions for this person and see them in a way others don't (not always the case but still). I'm sure I was quite clear and not trying to make myself sound like I'm the hottest person on the planet by everyone's standards.

 

At least some people agree with me.

 

I will always be more attracted to my girlfriend than some hollywood star, because attraction and affection is emotional, not physical. But I'd be a liar to claim to have dated anyone more physically attractive than Angelina Jolie.

 

Well good for you. And I can't claim I've dated someone I find more physically attractive than my boyfriend.

[cicilia]

I have had many relationships where this was NOT an issue & a few where it was. I have found I WANT those guys that it is not an issue with. To me, it is ok to say I do not want this kind of behavior in a partner. It may depend on age, but most times this behavior does not change (my son told me that!). It is not really a matter of your insecurity. I also find it disrespectful, it goes against my beliefs, & what I think are healthy boundaries. There is nothing wrong with you - there are plenty of men who are different.

[sparticuss]

Look at the underlined again, these are your words.

 

He knows you will get offended = he is trying to care about your feelings.

 

He tells you you are beautiful = he thinks you are beautiful.

 

He has offered to look at the floor the whole time = he really does understand your discomfort.

 

I would ask you a set of questions. Do you think that you are trying to control his behavior? Is controlling how he acts important to you?

 

I don't know for sure but this sounds like an issue you have with yourself, and maybe I am totally wrong,

==============

Weeta bix

 

I think that you are anything but wrong. In fact I don't think you havemade your point strongly enough and I'm surprised that I was too blind to see it untill you raised it.

 

Go back a few postings to one titled "Help, he's emotionally abusing me.

 

It covers all the ways that a guy can emotionally abuse a girl. And the behaviours of the control freak were right up there on the top of the list.

 

I ruffled some feathers back then and I'm gonna ruffle some now because I pointed out that thousands of grils engage in this abusive control freak behaviour and never see it as wrong when they abuse men in this way.

 

This isn't a post by an insecure girl. Its a post by a self centred girl.

 

She isn't worried about losing him. She's worried about losing control over him. Over every step he takes . IN factshes worried about losing control over him when he's not even around.

 

She isn't preening because she loves him. She's preening because she can't stand the idea of not being the centre of attention.

 

Forget about grizzling at him. DEMONSTRATE that you are as sexy as any other girl he looks at. And you certainly don't demonstrate that by grizzling about other girls.

If you do keep up with the grizzling about something THIS TOTALLY PETTY then what are you going to do when he gets totally sick of your grizzling and gives you something to really grizzlie about.

I'm talking about a booze swilling, wife bashing, whoring around, "real man". And plenty of husbands do end up like this. And then their wives, who do have bvalid reason for grizzling, don't dare grizzle, for fear of a knuckle sandwitch.

 

I deliberiately havent told you how she should DEMONSTRATE her love and sexiness to him because she's not a child. She needs to think for herself.

[witabix]

Yes Spartacuss, I did not labour my point, on purpose. I have no idea what is going in the posters head.

 

I asked the question in the hope that she would take a look at her motives for feeling the way she does.

 

I get the feeling she is not able or willing to do this.

 

I appreciate that your "Get a hold of yourself woman" with a metaphorical slap in the face, does indeed work. Its just not my style, I prefer to get a person to think about why they feel the way they do. To examine their own motives, and to take responsibility for their own actions and feelings.

 

It is not her place to insist that he acts in a certain way. It is her place to decide how she wants to be treated/perceived and for him to decide if he wishes to act to fulfill those requirements.

 

Is she making him jump through hoops? Yes she is, IMO.

 

Why would he decide to jump? Because he wants to.

 

Is this a good thing? No, not for either of them.

 

Trying to control where a person looks is extreme, allowing someone to do that to you is a bad thing. I still think the issue is in her head, self confidence, that exhibits itself with your description of wanting to be the centre of his attention, somewhat childlike but many adults display this tendency in all sorts of ways.

 

The OP needs to think more about what she is doing and how she is reacting and less about what she can do to stop him doing what seems to be a normal behavior.

[lilmoma1973]

Thats a self confident woman. Thats how it should be.

 

Thats great that some women can be confidient but some men ridicule and belittle women and make them feel that they are worthy so that in turns makes them insecure!! You never know what it is like till you walk in someone else's shoes!!! Just MO

[witabix]

Thats great that some women can be confidient but some men ridicule and belittle women and make them feel that they are worthy so that in turns makes them insecure!! You never know what it is like till you walk in someone else's shoes!!! Just MO

 

 

Agreed.

 

Never criticise a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.

 

That way you will have his shoes and be a mile away.

 

A little humour lightens the situation don't you think?

[sparticuss]

Thats great that some women can be confidient but some men ridicule and belittle women and make them feel that they are worthy so that in turns makes them insecure!! You never know what it is like till you walk in someone else's shoes!!! Just MO

 

Some men ridicule. More women, desperate to bolsrer their own fragile egos, ridicule. And a trilion dollar glamour industry dependent on the insecurities of these women ridicules the most of all. It's the most subtle but its bad.

[blablabla]

My boyfriend and I both catch eachother glancing (quickly) at other people. Sure, I get jealous (for a second), but then remind myself that I do the same thing...its really no big deal. We both know that we love eachother, don't want anyone else, and would never cheat. If your insecurities stem from something else you might want to look into that, but as far as looking at other people goes...I'd relax about it. Obviously your the one that he looks at the most!!!

[sparticuss]

Ok then purtyinpink m girl

 

Lets start by lating donw a few REAL lines to demonstrate just how petty you are being

 

- Has he ever beaten you up badly enough to have you hospitalised?

- Has he everblown the entire family budgest, both yours and his on drugs, gambling, or prostitutes?

- Has he ever comitted a major crime which will get him jailed for ten years or more , or tried to involve you in it.?

 

No???? Then youve got it pretty good girl.

The examples I'm talking about are most certainly NOT hypotheticals. These men do exist.

 

 

 

Now! If you can draw lines ovre something as petty as looking at other girls then by gum I can draw lines too.

 

- I will never date a woman who EVER generalises about men. All men are this all men are that. and in your case ,

 

quote "" He opened my eyes to the reality of how men really are."""

 

No he didn't. I opend your eyes with what the absoloute worst of men are like with the three examples above .

( Ladies! Warning! Recent nespaper report of a mother, who hacked the leg off her own baby with an axe, so don't try man bashing or you will get it back in the face)

 

 

- I will not date a self centered bimbo who thinks that the world is supposed to revolve around her

 

quote, """ I'm more self-conscious than I've ever been. I feel that no matter how beautiful I try to make myself look, ""

[Candied-Heart]

Without seeming too general or accusing of males, most men will look at a girl when she walks by if she is even half decent. Most women will do the same. Oddly enough -- I tend to find I look more at women than men. perhaps this is hidden competition or a bit of insecurity or comparison? The fact remains that I look. Adding to this point, I still look at men just as much as my BF sneakily looks at other women. It's human nature! Everyone is interested in what everyone else has got. It doesn't mean that even if we thought "Ooh his arms are so biig, bigger than my BFs" that we will leave him for said arms. Just as your man won't leave you for a woman whose smaller or has bigger breasts. These are superficial judgements and even the 'worst of men' if you want to keep with the generalising theme, will choose a GF and remain with this GF for her inner qualities.

 

I know you already know he won't leave you. My point is, you don't need to worry at all if this is really true. For sure it's annoying seeing him stare for a few seconds, and of course it's a little upsetting to see he doesn;t always have eyes for you, but if this is the biggest problem you have with him, you are doing alright.

 

I try to tell myself these things when my BF stares or if I hear a fairly terrible comment he's made about a random girl to me or his friends. It's just them observing. Just like he observed you when you met and continues to..

[witabix]

Lets start by lating donw a few REAL lines to demonstrate just how petty you are being

 

- Has he ever beaten you up badly enough to have you hospitalised?

- Has he everblown the entire family budgest, both yours and his on drugs, gambling, or prostitutes?

- Has he ever comitted a major crime which will get him jailed for ten years or more , or tried to involve you in it.?

 

No???? Then youve got it pretty good girl.

The examples I'm talking about are most certainly NOT hypotheticals. These men do exist.

 

Had to come back on this one Sparticuss.

 

He isn't supposed to do anything of these things. The lack of these abhorrent behaviors does not mean that any other type of behavior is accepable.

 

Now I do know the point your trying to make. I have heard this point a good few times from men trying to justify staying in the pub all night and going home drunk. They don't beat their wives or children and hold down good jobs, pay the mortgage etc etc. But this still does not justify behaving in a fashion that is viewed as unacceptable by their SO.

 

We can turn it around and say she is not giving BJ's to all and sundry, he doesn't find a different man in his bed on the weekend, she doesn't starve the kids, so she is entitled to make him stop looking at other women. It doesn't work like that either.

[sparticuss]

Had to come back on this one Sparticuss.

 

He isn't supposed to do anything of these things. The lack of these abhorrent behaviors does not mean that any other type of behavior is accepable.

 

Now I do know the point your trying to make. I have heard this point a good few times from men trying to justify staying in the pub all night and going home drunk. They don't beat their wives or children and hold down good jobs, pay the mortgage etc etc. But this still does not justify behaving in a fashion that is viewed as unacceptable by their SO.

 

We can turn it around and say she is not giving BJ's to all and sundry, he doesn't find a different man in his bed on the weekend, she doesn't starve the kids, so she is entitled to make him stop looking at other women. It doesn't work like that either.

 

Thanks for that one about giving BJs to al and sundry weta. I needed that oen to addto my repitore.. The only other one I've got for the females is somebody who goes after the husbands knackers with a kitchenknife during a bad boutof PMT but then rrefuses ot see the doctor for PMT treatments.

 

Yea! Totally horrendous.

 

But this one is totally pettty. I was surprised to find myself looking at pretty girls just as much when I had a gf as when I hadnt. But I never would have abandoned my gf's for any of them. Wouldn't have even though about it.