Suicide too scared

[choukyla]

I'm sorry to bring this subject up. I know that alot of people have talk about this and exhausted most opinion and comments. But I have a question..

 

Has anyone ever consider suicide, but just too scare to do it ? Not because of guilt, not because of worried leaving people behind and how they feel etc etc. But worried how much it hurt and worried that I might not actually make it through.

 

That is the only reason why I haven't done it yet. God forbid, one day I will find the courage to do it and it'll be thank god.

 

Life just suck so much at time, it's like it's so much not worth living. Once your dead, it's so much better and peaceful. It's like everyone expect something from you, but you can't do anything. Everything you do or try, people around you just never happy and seeing your closest relation not getting along with each other for the simpliest thing. Or just been pain in the neck to annoy everyone.

 

At work you tried and tried and you never get anywhere. Life is so much not worth the effort. Been dead, leave me alone and let me be.

 

One of the thing I keep thinking, there is so many people depended on me for so much thing. I love to be dead to see how they cope, to see who they turn to.

 

Only problem I am just to scared to do it. Really one day when I find the courage to do it. It'll be....like yes !

 

You know the saying....It's one thing been depressed, but been so down I actually wish deaf would come.

[JadeStar]

So you're more worried about how much it will hurt than the people/loved ones you leave behind? Most of the time when people consider suicide thats a really big cry for help, so the best thing you can do it get some help. Someone that can help you put things into perspective better for why you even feel the need to consider this.

 

 

My biological father commited suicide about 11 years ago right infront of his mother (my grandmother) out in public. It was planned, he had left everyone sucide notes where they could find them after the fact. It bascially said he was tired of life. Tired of this and that, and he no longer knew how to cope. I asked my grandmother if she knew how bad he felt about life, she said no she had no idea. Had he just made an effot to get help or talk with someone, then maybe he would had a little better outlook on life. Maybe it would have made a difference.

 

I'm 35 years old now and I never knew my father because him and my mother got divorced when I was only 10 months old. My mother remarried my dad I have now when I was 2 years old. Hes the only father I knew. My biological father had a choice to be in my life but he chose not too. I have since learned that my father had alot of problems but he didn't get help for any of them.

 

Even though I never knew him I sometimes wonder to this day, what was so wrong/bad in his life that he felt he had to take his on life? I will never know that, nor will anyone. Hard to say why people do what they do. However sometimes talking with someone have someone to lean on can make a world of difference and could change your mind about this suicide thing. Think about it.

 

 

 

Jade

[Outcast]

Please read http://www.metanoia.org/

 

Please call a hotline

 

Life isn't that bad. Depression is an evil thing - it steals your brain and makes you believe lies - lies that the world is bad, hopeless, etc. Think of depression as your enemy - something you have to beat and make go away. You need help with this. You don't see it now, but this isn't you. It's the evil of depression which has taken over your thoughts. So read the site, call the line, and get help to defeat this monster.

[Becoming]

Ch--You're depressed. This is a physical condition that needs to be treated by a dr. just like diabetes or something.

 

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY WITH A MEDICAL DR.

 

You don't really want to die--no, I mean deep down in. You want to live and are hopeless that you'll ever be able to. But there are medications and counseling that can help you. You don't have to live like this. But you're going to have to get help for yourself now and quit helping everyone else now.

[newbby]

i was like this for a long time, believe me, you can get better. i really did not think i would survive. there is always hope, remember that. do what the other posters said and get some help.

[whichwayisup]

Sounds like you need to feel appreciated, and TOLD so by others that need you. To off yourself with the mindset "see how well they get along without me" is really scary...That frame of mind, plus it does sound like you are suffering from depression.

 

I really hope you go see someone to talk to. Life does SUCK at times, but it always gets better. Please don't do anything that you won't ever be able to take back...It's so final...

 

Keep posting and venting, and please, if you're feeling really down and out, call someone to help you. Don't be alone right now...

[witabix]

Listen to the above advice.

 

I have seriously considered suicide once in the past. The reason I didn't do it was because as soon as I contacted the Samaritans I realised what I was actually contemplating.

 

I didn't tell anyone else, and never have, about what I was thinking or feeling. This the first time I have mentioned it ever. Don't be ashamed.

 

It didn't change the circumstances of my life at the time, it all seemed so pointless and unfair. When I actually admitted it to someone, a complete stranger, and was questioned about it, it sounded like the wrong thing to do. My circumstances didn't change, my thinking did, thats what it takes.

 

It scares me now thinking about it, years later even, still scares me. Don't do it, don't even think about doing it, and if you do, talk to someone who can listen and won't judge you or freak out.

 

Life gets better trust me, the tunnel will end, you will see the end of this situation, but PLEASE talk to someone, let someone help you PLEASE.

[Becoming]

Most thoughtful people have at least considered suicide at one point or another.

 

Is there someone you can confide in who will check on you every day without anxiously hovering over you? In person.

[newbby]

you may not feel that there is anyone you can confide in though. is this the case?

[2p worth]

I agree with some of what is written here but you don't need a therapist... You're too intelligent for that and its why you're here using the Internet asking questions, like some old people can't (no offence intended to old people who can't use the Internet - please don't commit suicide on account of my very poor joke).

 

Just remember to see things differently. Take a step back from the situation you are in.

 

When people you care about get stressed with each other right in front of you, remember to look for the signs... Those signs are the lines. Watch how they screw up their faces in anguish like raisins. Yes. Raisins. Laugh your head off at just how stupid they look. These people are trying to act the part of dried fruit... or are they (fruit)?

 

Point at them and laugh! Go for it! Its more than likely they'll stop dead in their tracks, look at you and say... WTF? They won't stay upset with each other for long. They will be more interested in knowing WTF you think is so funny. Do them a favour - don't tell them.

 

This technique seriously works.

 

So... Are raisins fruit?

http://www.google.co.uk/search?&q=are+raisins+fruit%3F

 

I think it all depends on whether you can eat them or not...

[Outcast]

you don't need a therapist... You're too intelligent for that

 

Going to a therapist doesn't mean you're not intelligent. In fact, intelligent people understand the limits of their expertise and know to find experts to help them when they need help.

[archbean]

i understand how you feel, i think. for a long time, and even now, i wonder if it would be better to be dead. one of the main reasons i haven't, but also one of the reasons i think about it, is because i don't really know who cares, and i don't want to make anyone feel as badly as i do when people i care about die, which makes me want to take their place, because good people shouldn't have to suffer like they did. i also don't know if anyone cares, because frequently people don't even notice i'm in the room, even people i'm "friends" with, which makes me just want to die. but the main thing that stops me from any further thought besides honest philosophical ponderings is that i truely don't know what death is like, no one really can, and so how do i know which is better, life or death? it might turn out that being dead is even worse than the most miserable life, and then there'd be no returning. another thing i think about is who am i to decide whether or not i, or anyone, deserve death? what if i still have a purpose here, even though i haven't found it? what if there's someone here who needs me now, or will need me later? who am i to deny them what they need?

 

i guess what i'm saying is, there's too many what if's to be serious about suicide. i know it's so much easier to say than to do, but try to live for the moments that make you feel happy again, no matter how small or infrequent they may be. when you're feeling depressed and things are going badly, find something to do that will take your mind off it, like reading or playing an instrument, singing, or listening to music. you could just find a private place and cry it all out without worrying about being seen by people whom you don't want to be seen by, or write letters or emails to yourself. if you have someone you trust enough, and you know they'll be there for you, let them know how you're feeling. this is definately the hardest one, but even if they don't understand, they can help you look at the problem and try to find a solution, and you won't feel so lonely knowing there's someone else who knows what you're going through.

 

i hope you never find the right kind of courage that suicide requires. it may not seem so, but there will always be a time not so much later when you willl feel happier.

[Milo]

I find that contemplating suicide makes my other troubles seem easier to handle. I mean, it could be worse. You could be dead. To me, death is the end of all things, especially consciousness. In that, it is a relief of many concerns, worries, disappointments, and other hard feelings. But it is also the ceasation of all things good, amusing, and beautiful. It's usually easier to just wait for those bad feelings to pass, and they always seem to do that. Just one more good breath. One more sunny day. It's funny, but it's worth it.

[LN8840K]

you will be dead soon enough ...no need to rush things along ..... nothing brings a love for life more than a brush with death .....

 

I deal with death on a almost daily basis and some are afraid to go and some it just does not seem to bother

[lindya]

I find that contemplating suicide makes my other troubles seem easier to handle.

 

Didn't Nietzsche say that the thought of suicide could get one through many a difficult night? I agree with that. There's nothing like the knowledge that you do in fact have that option of ending it all. That you're on this earth because you actually want to be, and not because you're trapped into it. I believe going through phase of considering suicide seriously can have the positive result of helping a person come to terms with the fact of their own eventual death. It strikes me that people who've accepted their own mortality are often less afraid of life....and perhaps less inclined to take it too seriously.

 

If someone is on the verge of taking their life prematurely to the extent that they have started working out a suicide plan, ideally they'll talk it through with someone who isn't going to be freaked out by the thought that someone they care about is considering ending it all. Someone who can help them identify specific things they're tired of waking up to every morning - and figure out the extent to which some of those depressing factors can be eliminated without the drastic step of suicide.

 

Removing bits and pieces of crap from your life won't demolish an unhealthy, suicidal mindset immediately, but it does spark off the process of chipping away at and weakening it. Outcast said before that it's that mindset (or depression) which is the suicidal person's worst enemy. It lies to you and tries to degrade you in every way it can....but once you get the help you need to escape from it, you set yourself free in all sorts of other ways that might not have seemed possible before.

[littlekitty]

Wonderfully eloquent Lindya.

[Mr.P]

I thought about it once.

 

I saw my ex at a party 6 days after we broke up and she was playing tonsil tennis with another guy who I despise. And she knew it. (We have since gone over this and she sincerely regrets what she did)

 

I left and started walking home and one of my friends drove after me and convinced me that I need to go back there, be strong, laugh at the situation and don't let her have the satisfaction of reducing me to a wreck.

 

Well we had many stupid drinks, I had to as alcohol has always relaxed me and sent me in to a much happier mood.

 

Not this time though, when I got home alone I climbed in to bed and thought about ending it. The pain I was suffering (and still am) was just too great and it really was the worst moment of my life. So I thought how I would do it and decided pain wasn't an issue as I was in enough already, and razor blades were readily accessible so I told myself that was what I was going to do.

 

But the thoughts of what would it be like here without me came in to force. My parents would find me lying dead in a pool of my own blood. How horrific for them that would be. They would have to go on with their lives with the loss of their son. I couldn't do that to them, I couldn't do that to my family. I couldn't do it to my friends. It would be awful for them. It would be a selfish act.

 

So I decided that was NOT an option and instead maybe I should seek guidance and support from friends and family I was about to cause so much pain and suffering to. All because 1 person caused pain and suffering to me.

 

It's a long road to recovery, but if I did commit the selfish act it's a one way ticket. I couldn't decide afterwards it was a bad idea, there's no coming back.

 

Now I can't believe I even thought of the idea......

 

Get help. There are a lot of helplines you can call for immediate help and remain anonymous

[Milo]

I commented on this thread about a week before a friend's boyfriend hung himself. I spoke with her just this past weekend. He had tried to commit suicide years before and had severe depression, for which he refused to seek any therapy or medication. He felt he should be strong enough to deal with it himself. Very sad story.

[newbby]

sorry to hear that milo.

the nature of depression is that the sufferers feel so bad about themselves and so for different reasons alot of them dont get help for it. they fail to see that their perception is so distorted by it. it causes them to think that seeking help will be detrimental and make things worse, or that seeking help means they are even more useless and pathetic than they already believe themselves to be.

it is a distorted self perception, it is a horrible disease.

i dont know what help is the best to seek, i am not qualified to answer that, but at least realise that it is the disease itself.

[Outcast]

He felt he should be strong enough to deal with it himself.

 

Damn! When are people ever going to understand that depression is a sickness, not a character flaw!

[choukyla]

I am not disagree with getting help but, just a point I like to discuss about. I also I know the question would more directed to asking the expert themself. But still like to hear opinion on this.

 

Why would getting help actually help ? If one are depress and feel so low and everything he/she does and people around are just been a pain. Getting help would resolve all this ? Can the expert actually go out there and tell the people around you, they are a pain in your life ?

 

Can the expert go out there and talk to your boss, your having a crappy time at work and your getting stress at work ?

 

The expert will probably point you to all the positive things in your life and point you to all the nice people that care about you. But as the saying goes like this 'You can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family' So, can the expert go and tell your brother he is causing you grief ?

 

There are things in life are crap and just plain crap. We choose either to see positively or negetively. Seeing and been postive doesn't mean the bad things will go away.

 

I don't want to steer the conversation away from my initial posting and start talking about religion. Because this is not what it is about......

 

It's like saying been here on earth is hell ? We religous people, who I have full respect and admire for, say that there is heaven, hell and earth. How does anyone know that ? The amount of suffering and crap that is going around on earth, you could say earth is hell. We are in hell. When you die, you go to heaven, you have peace and return to home. When you die you are put to rest and have no one to bother you. You have no more bad or good feeling. There isn't a postive side and negetive side. It's just peace, calm and it will stay like that all through time. No one to say something to annoy you, no one to stress you out. Now, isn't that better ?

[Outcast]

Depression is an illness. Your brain needs certain chemicals to feel good. When your body doesn't make enough of those chemicals, you feel bad. It doesn't have anything to do with how life is but rather how you perceive life and your perception is messed up because the chemicals are missing.

 

So you go to the doctor and get some drugs which replace those chemicals until your body can make them again. It's kind of like diabetes of the brain. So of course right now you can't see how an 'expert' would fix you but that's because you're depressed. Depression makes everything look black and your future look glum when none of those things are true. You absolutely must get this fixed because you deserve a good life and getting the depression fixed is step one to that happy life.