PAP Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 we broke up before 2.5 months with the excse that she wanted to be alone and that she feels that something is missing from our relationship. Its been a rolllercost for us in the last 6 months. This is the 3rd time she dumps me and its like whenever we get close to each other she gets scared and backs off. The thing that annoys me is that 1 month before the breakup she was telling me that she feels differnt for me now than other times and that she doesnt want to seperate with me again, and that she wants to spend her life with me. Well i believed it at the time but a period came and she was feeling again suffocated and told me to broke up. This time i realized that i cannot continue with this relationship and decided to go to no contact and leave her completely alone. I am trying to move on with my life and is very very hard as i really love her. Every day i am thinking about her every second that passes i am missing her. During these 2.5 months i did one two mistakes. I onnce tried to kiss her but she didnt allowed it and one other day i ve sent her a txt message saying that i still love her with no rensponce from her. Well we all learn from our mistakes and stopped completely contacting her. So during these 2 moths she did try to contact me with txt messages and i did run to her 2-3 times by chance. i acted cool and very friendly towards her like nothing ever happened. Today she send me a txt message after 13 days of no contact asking me how i am and we ended having 9-10 casual txt messages. the tone was friendly from both of us. she even invited me to go to a club she is going on Friday cause she said she have missed me. Well these are my questions: What does this mean? Should i go to the club on Friday or just continue being unavailable and dissapear from her life completely. i dont want to stuck being only friends with her as i really love her and cant stand the pain of seing her with other males. Why she stills contacting me? it is not very often like every 12-15 days but it triggers my hope and prevent me from moving on. Should i continue answering back and being friendly towarrds her? she did broke my heart. Is she coming slowly back or she just tries to be friends with me again? Bear in mind that i was her first bf( and lover) and she is 23 years old!!!so obviously she has a problem with a coomited relationship. i know that i cannot proceed with a person like this but i am willing to do anything to change it. i really really believe that she is the "one" but something keeps her away from me. Please advice me as i am very confused from her behaviour. When an ex some times continue to contact you what does it mean and how the dumpee must behave.. I really want to win her back an try once and for all to solve all of her commited related issues. Thnxs in advance Ps sorry for my bad english Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 I have a previous ex (not the one that came back that i'm about to dump) contact me on messenger just recently every week. I think she's just testing the waters. Trying to satisfy her curiousity but I just block her everywhere I go because I don't want to satisfy her curiousity. Every once in awhile she'll sleep out of my "no contact list" as I like to call it now instead of an ignore list. I would do the same if I were you unless she is talking about wanting to try again. But even then that's only if you still want her back. I honestly don't care what my previous ex is doing with her life or who she might be seeing. I feel sorry for any guy who's with her. Some of the stories I read on here about guys dumped remind me of how my previous ex was. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Ps sorry for my bad english Your English is fine. I think your girl is probably sweet and well-meaning, but very mixed up. And driven by emotions beyond her control. I'd give up on her. Going back after 1 breakup is reasonable, 2 possibly, but not after 3 - this smacks of madness. When she next contacts you, tell her politely and kindly that you really like her, but that you need stability, not the roller coaster. For this reason, you're going to back off for a bit. After that go "no contact" for a few months at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PAP Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Well i do want her back and every time she contacts me i do tell her some of my news but not entirely. What if she is coming slowly back and tries to be friends with me so we can proceed from there? Wont ignoring her completely ruin this? Well i dont know if i should pay attention to some txt messages every 2 weeks but it did triggs your hope isnt it? She did invided me to a club she is going i really cant decide what is wrong and right to this situation. I left her completely alone but obviously i dont want to stuck being friends with her. i am moving on with my life, doing my masters degree and looking for a job, but i really want things to work out between us. So her not ignoring me completely what does it mean? should i stop replying to her messages and being so friendly and nice to her? 2-3 times when she saw me in a club she came to say hi and i acted cool and happy, but i really want to know from your previous experience what this contact from an ex means and how to deal with it taking into consideration that i want to try again with her. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 how to deal with it taking into consideration that i want to try again with her. OK, I think you're mad. 3 dumps aren't enough to give you the picture? But respecting your wishes, I would say play it cool. Let her do the chasing. Be responsive around 50% of the time. But have your own life and don't send your heart after her. And if you absolutely must date her, one day when all is well and you're comfortable together, find out about her childhood. She almost certainly has some awful experiences - suggest she sees a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PAP Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Hey ReluctantRomeo, i know that this is not healthy for both of us but i am confused about this contact thing. She invited me and said that she missed me. missed me as what? as a lover or as a friend? is it normal for an exs to seek friendship from the guy they have dumped? She knew how much i loved her so her still once a while contacting me means anything? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 She invited me and said that she missed me. missed me as what? as a lover or as a friend? In this case and since she has already come back twice recently, I'm 90% certain that she wants you as a lover again. Not 100%, but I think it's very probable. is it normal for an exs to seek friendship from the guy they have dumped? It often happens, yes. Sometimes it even works out well for both parties. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PAP Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 You are too quick i keep posting after your post oups:) What are you saying makes perfect sence. i know that she still loves me and always did i mean what the hell i was her first lover and the only guy she loved and she is 23. i know that being seperated 3 times is no healthy at all but i believe she has some issues on bonding with a relationship. i am willing to put the work as we are so good together and i really want to help her out. so you are suggesting telling her that we must cut contact? ps she is a gemini Link to post Share on other sites
Still_In_Love Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 I question if you can be friends with someone that you have loved in a romantic way. My ex-gf dumped me...I would have loved to have another chance...once! After that, if it didn't work...see ya! Move on Pal....she's got you in her back pocket using you and if things don't work out with someone else....she knows you are there! Link to post Share on other sites
monkeybars Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 I've done this, go back repeatedly, this last time, though I still love him, I've realised that I love myself more. He also calls with the "I miss you" spiel, and quite frankly, I miss him like hell, BUT, I refuse to be going through this pain AGAIN in another 3-6 months when he needs "space" again. I need for my own sanity --to go through the pain, and come out the other side, a stronger person, WITH BOUNDARIES. If it means, never speaking or seeing him again, I'm going to do it. UNTIL I see concrete proof that he has gone through therapy, had an epiphany, or has gotten his issues together, there is absolutely no way that I am going to put myself through the hell again of being repeatedly demoted and dumped. I am worth WAY more than what he's been dishing out...my rollercoaster is now officially closed! IF I want the thrill of a rollercoaster again, I'll head over to 6 Flags-less drama. Please..for your own sanity, move on, I promise she is not the last woman you will ever love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PAP Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 Your advice is really appreciated thnxs all of you. i know that she may be coming back again but i m pretty sure that if i allow it again she will run again. i will move on with my life as i really deserve someone who loves me and doesnt run away all the time. So your advice is to stop contact completely with her? should i tell her that we must stop communication or just do it? thnxs again Link to post Share on other sites
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