I20He30 Posted July 25, 2001 Share Posted July 25, 2001 I posted once already but nobody really gave an opinion. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 30. I live at home. Me and my mother are close. She hates the relationship because she says he's too old. She says he's old enough to mess up my life, take me away from her, come between me and her, and make me want to do things I wouldn't normally want to do. She gets an attitude everytime I am going to go somewhere with him or if she sees me on the phone with him. She yells and fusses and gets nasty most of the time also. I love my mom and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time, I feel my relationship deserves a chance to grow. She wants me to stop seeing him. I just struggle with the attitude changes I get from her whenever I am going somewhere with him. Sometimes as much as I want to see him I feel like I shouldn't because it is just going to get me fussed out when I tell her where I'm going. Anybody with any opinions on how I can handle this situation, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO RESPOND!!! I talk to her but she never seems to change how she feels. Either I'm getting fussed at or she just has this attitude and/or sadness in her voice when she talks to me. Looking for advice/opinions on how to handle this. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 25, 2001 Share Posted July 25, 2001 You can talk to your mother until you are blue in the face and she isn't going to change her mind. I see absolutely nothing wrong with you seeing this older man. If you enjoy each other's company, that's the way it's supposed to be. Continue to enjoy your relationship. Get a good job, save your money, and move away from your mother as soon as possible so you don't have to listen to her crap anymore. Frankly, I think your mom is way out of line. You are an adult now and she should have the good faith that she has taught you well to make decisions for yourself. But it's her house and she can keep buzzing in your ears as long as you're there. No advice here, sorry. There's nothing you can do to shut your mom up short of gassing her or giving her tranquilizers. So just resolve to letting her stuff go in one ear and out the other until you move out. The sooner the better. Were you expecting that somebody would have some magic words that might get your mom to tone down? Sorry, that won't happen. But you are doing just fine dating your older guy. Enjoy! And sorry mama doesn't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 25, 2001 Share Posted July 25, 2001 I don't think the problem is the age difference, because if you are compatable with someone, age doesn't really come into play. The problem, as far as I can see it, is your mom. Are you an only child or an only daughter? It sounds like she feels threatened by your relationship, and is pretty much telling you to choose him or choose her. There is not going to be a happy halfway point as far as she's concerned because that would mean she loses her control over you. As Tony suggests, it's probably time to make a bid for your independence, because even though your mom loves you, she's going to do anything she can to keep her hold over you. Any serious relationship you have with a guy -- no matter HOW old he is -- is going to pose a serious threat to her. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
I20He30 Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 For all intents and purposes I'm an only child. My brother is 8 years older then me and he left home when he was 12 to live with his father. So its been me and her with him around from time to time for about 14 years. I guess that hardest thing about the situation is dealing with the strain being put on the relationship between me and her. Its rather hard to just say to hell with how she feels and do my thing. Feel bad about it sometimes, that I'm hurting her so much. But thank you all for the advice and the support. Link to post Share on other sites
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