lilguiltyone Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 hi all..new to forums..how are ya? i recently cheated on my bf of 5 yrs...he found out and offered to forget and try to forgive it only i would stop seeing the man i cheated with him on. this man is an ex from 30 yrs ago ,,my first love in fact. when i met up with him we both realized we had feelings for each other still. my bf is a great guy and totally did not deserve for me to cheat on him. i disrespected him and i feel so bad for it. i still care for him too..is that possible..to have feelings for two men at once..omg. i have such guilt feelings about this it almost makes me want to run back to him but i dont want to put up with some things that had been a problem with us..things that he refused to change..saying you dont get into a relationship to change. if he would have met me at least halfway then maybe things would have worked. anyway...how long does it take for the guilt to go away..how long before i can look him in the eye again and try to be his friend. i am so torn Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 I can't tell you how long the guilt will last, but because you do feel guilty, shows you have remorse and a conscience for what you have done. "Is it possible to have feelings for 2 men at once?" I think people can have feelings for 2 people at the same time, but usually what you feel for one isn't the same as for the other. What you feel for this other guy is probably the feelings that you lacked for your b/f. If your b/f is wanting to forgive you and move forward, and its something you want as well, then you need to start working on the relationship. Perhaps couples counseling might do you both good to figure what it is that needs improving. You will also need to cut all ties with this other guy, in order to move forward. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 i dont want to put up with some things that had been a problem with us..things that he refused to change You've been with him 5 years and you're still under the false assumption that you can change him?? Here's a quick reality check: Men get into relationships in hopes that their lady won't change, but she does. Women get into relationships in hopes that their man will change, but he doesn't. He is what he is. Trying to change him will only cause unnecessary tension in the relationship. how long does it take for the guilt to go away..how long before i can look him in the eye again and try to be his friend. i am so torn Until he forgives you. You cheated on him, remember, so it's up to him to forgive you. and, yes, for the feministas in the group, it would be the same if a man had cheated on his woman... it would be up to her to offer forgiveness... this isn't a gender thing Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilguiltyone Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 actually we are not together anymore. i feel he emotionally abused me and that led me to cheat..although i should have been strong and done the right thing and broke it off with him first. i told him i wanted to explore my feelings for the "other" man. i do however feel very guilty and we have talked of trying to still be friends but with these guilt feelings i am not sure i can. he is a big man for even wanting to still be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 actually we are not together anymore. i feel he emotionally abused me and that led me to cheat..although i should have been strong and done the right thing and broke it off with him first. i told him i wanted to explore my feelings for the "other" man. i do however feel very guilty and we have talked of trying to still be friends but with these guilt feelings i am not sure i can. he is a big man for even wanting to still be friends. You probably cheated because you felt you wasn't loved wanted or needed!! You was seaching for that with your b/f and he was being emotionally abusive and belittling you and causing you to have low self-esteem so that you would never leave him !! Men like this are really insecure with theirselves and try to make the other one feel un worthy when they themselves feel this way!!Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 You probably cheated because you felt you wasn't loved wanted or needed!! You was seaching for that with your b/f and he was being emotionally abusive and belittling you and causing you to have low self-esteem so that you would never leave him !! Men like this are really insecure with theirselves and try to make the other one feel un worthy when they themselves feel this way!!Good Luck Wait a sec, hold the phone here a minnit... So she was right to cheat? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Wait a sec, hold the phone here a minnit... So she was right to cheat? No i don't condone cheating but i can see where she is coming from and i can see why she did it!! I don't think it is right but you never know till you are in that situation !! Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 slubb -- no I agree with the posts above. For example, if you are poor, it is okay to steal... I call BS. What most men would consider boredom and just not chatting with each other enough anymore many women [that cheat] apparently consider "emotional abuse." Maybe this guy who "totally did not deserve for [her] to cheat on him" was actually busting her b@lls a lot or generally being mean, but more often than not, the cheater just needs to build a little personality. From now on, I am telling my g/f that absense of at least 1 BJ per day is "emotional abuse" and thus, I am prone to cheat Link to post Share on other sites
Droom Posted December 17, 2005 Share Posted December 17, 2005 "From now on, I am telling my g/f that absense of at least 1 BJ per day is "emotional abuse" and thus, I am prone to cheat" lol, Sounds like a deal to me ;P Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilguiltyone Posted December 19, 2005 Author Share Posted December 19, 2005 I call BS. What most men would consider boredom and just not chatting with each other enough anymore many women [that cheat] apparently consider "emotional abuse." Maybe this guy who "totally did not deserve for [her] to cheat on him" was actually busting her b@lls a lot or generally being mean, but more often than not, the cheater just needs to build a little personality. ========================================================== i thought of that already..i looked up battered symptoms..i had 9 of 20...thats not good. he constantly correceted me..treated me like a child. i am almost 50 but he wanted to tell me how to do everything his way..dishes..laundry...i raised 3 kids and i think i knew how to do things already thank you very much. i couldnt be 20 mins late for work without him calling all around to find out where i was and jumping my sh*t when i walked in the door about being late. hopefully i wouldnt have to stop and get air in my tires or a drink or something. he constantly talked to me like i was an idiot and acted like it was a chore and aggrivation at times to even speak to me. he said he knows he talks nasty to me..and to his daughter but he said he cant help it...he is what he is. he says its because her and i love him and wont leave him..(read: will put up with it) totally dominating. no..he did not deserve me to cheat...no one deserves that. i should have stood up for what i beleived in and what i would and would not put up with and broke it off before it came to that. yes i did find another man that treats me kind and gently and that is what i was missing. i just wish i had the guts to stand up for myself before. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts