She's BUGGING me about getting my stuff done, before the wedding

[frangella]

Someone please tell me "It's your future wife, she's excited about the wedding, so shut your mouth and do what she says..."

 

We're getting married in 6 weeks and i feel like she thinks that i

don't care about getting our things done..She keeps giving me a

hard time about doing this or doing that and keeps getting all

paranoid that nothing will be done, or No one's going to have a good

time at the wedding, or This or That. We don't fight, but we disagree

or argue a little from time to time lately.

 

She keeps bugging me about going to the tailor or finding shoes

or getting a tie, I wish she would just worry about herself...But i

realize that she's just stressing, she wants everthing to go smoothly

and she doesn;t want either of us to forget anything...I'm just

more of a Laid back kinda guy...It's not that I procrastinate, i just

do and get things done at my leisure...But i'm not stupid, i'm

not going to get things done the week before...

 

I'm super sensitive to her needs as her man. I'm polite, i show her

respect, I'm a gentleman. But Man, I honestly can't wait until this

wedding happens and then is over, so I can just enjoy my new wife

without all this, "You still need to do this".."you still need to do that"..

"Did you call ---?" "did you make a tailor appointment?"

 

UGH...I love her, but she's wigging out. She's becomming a huge

ball of nerves and we still have 6 weeks...She keeps thinking

negatively like, everything is going to fall apart....I don't get it.

 

Maybe it's just cuz i'm a dude.

[magda]

Just make your tailor appointment!

 

 

You should be learning now that when your spouse is stressed, and they harp on one little thing that is EASY for you to knock out of the way, it just upsets and stresses them more that you can refuse to do this one little thing for them. It would make her feel so much more relaxed, why not just do it.

 

I'm sure there are other little things, too, but you should do it just out of respect for the stress of it all. Brushing her off about the wedding can make her feel like it's all on her shoulders.

[HoldOn]

Why don't you just do these things and then she'll stop bugging you. It will take you 1 minute to make an appointment. Just do it and ease her mind!

 

Or tell her to make a list of your duties and deadlines.

[slubberdegullion]

Frangella;

 

Now, I must admit that when I first read your post, I thought to myself, "Self, there's another dude that's losing his freedom. They're not even at the altar yet and she's pullling a control freak on him. Besides, the wedding is the bride's day; the groom is just another ornament, like a candlestick."

 

Then I thought about it again. And, as luck would have it, I changed my mind.

 

I certainly don't have to tell you that wedding plans are close to the most stressful times of a woman's life. Everything in her world is a tizzy of appointments and horrific expenses.

 

She will need, as Dr Phil says, a "soft place to fall."

 

So be that place. Be that person. Do what she's asked you to do, not because she asked you to, but because you want to be the one thing in her life that is hassle-free right now.

 

So go do the stuff. Take some buddys and make it an event.

 

Good luck, and congratulations.

[frangella]

Like i had said, i'm very supportive of her and

i respect her...I guess i was just venting and

wondering if other gals get this way...

 

She normally doesn't stress or wig out like this,

so it's strange to me. I just want her to understand

that, i'm All for the wedding but that, if i don't run out

right away and do it, because of work or other important

life things for us, it's not because i don't care...

 

She'll mention i need dress shoes, i'll mention "okay i'll

make sure to get them this saturday"...Saturday comes

along, i get stuck at work or whatever, I don't get the shoes,

then she sort of makes me feel bad for not getting the shoes, like

i don't care or whatever, Stuff like that. She's just stressed

and super sensitive lately. She is kinda handling a lot of the

things for herself, on her own since her sister lives 3 hours

away and her mom isn't much help.

 

But I totally understand the deal, i know she's just stressing out,

and I hear all of your words and advice...I'll just make sure

i jump on getting this stuff done right away, so that she

can relax and not worry about it. You guys/gals are

right. I want to be the Hassle-Free thing in her life.

 

Thanks..

[GreenRose]

Right on, man! Wedding palnning is some stressful business.

 

Good luck in your life together, and remember:

 

She's not doing it on purpose.

 

Many women look forward to this day from the age of 5, knowing just what they want and how they want it. Watching Cinderella and The Little Mermaid will do that to ya.

 

It'll all be over soon. Relax.

[JayKay]

"Many women look forward to this day from the age of 5, knowing just what they want and how they want it. Watching Cinderella and The Little Mermaid will do that to ya."

 

Ick!

 

I am SOOO not in possession of that 'can't wait to have a wedding' gene!

 

I don't understand why women wig out so much either....and I'm a woman!

 

I never wanted a wedding. I find them just plain awful most of the time...

 

Look, just suck it up, grin and bear it. It will be over soon and then you can move on with your life. For some people this is a big big huge humoungous deal. Do whatever you can to help her feel relaxed and make things run more smoothly.

 

Welcome to marriage! Sometimes you do things the way someone else wants you to do them! Just because it makes them feel better.

[bab]

"It's your future wife, she's excited about the wedding, so shut your mouth and do what she says..."

 

 

UGH...I love her, but she's wigging out. She's becomming a huge

ball of nerves and we still have 6 weeks...She keeps thinking

negatively like, everything is going to fall apart....I don't get it.

 

Maybe it's just cuz i'm a dude.

 

Yep, it's cuz you're a dude. I'm tellin' ya from the bride's view of things, there is a TON of pressure on the bride to make it all happen, and up to everyone else's expectations. The thing about it being a bride's day, is true, BUT it's extremely hard to remember that when you are thinking about what everyone else is going to think of "your" day.

 

I get the same way when a timeline passes for my fiance to do something (and we are still FAR away, I can't even imagine 6 weeks away). Things that will help. So, you can't get the shoes on Saturday. First thing you should do is mention this to her when you talk to her. Like, don't just call and tell her you are going to have to work late. Call and say, I'm going to have to work late, so I'm not going to be able to get the shoes today, I'll have to go during lunch on Monday (or whatever the very next available time is). This helps her realize that you remember you said you'd get the shoes, and you've taken the initiative to make plans to get them. This calms me down quite a bit. Never ever just say I'll have to get them later. This throws me into a frenzy of When's later? Is he going to remember? How often can I remind him without seeming like a nag? What if he forgets? Am I going to have a shoeless groom?? When in all reality, he may be thinking he can go get them Monday at lunch, and he could've saved me a ton of stress by just saying that.

 

Good luck to you!! Let us know how it goes when there is only 2 weeks to go!

[Lil Honey]

I guess i was just venting and wondering if other gals get this way...

I'll tell you what . . . I've seen some really nice ladies turn into real b!tches before the wedding. Good God . . . it's about the marriage, not what all the guests THINK.

 

Anyway . . . yes. Please get your things done early. That way, if something doesn't go right (like the tux place has a size 9 left shoe and a size 12 right shoe - or worse, two left shoes), you still have time to get it fixed or go elsewhere to get the problem solved.

 

Once you get your stuff done, you can be sure that she will probably have more that you can help with.

[slinkysu]

Someone please tell me "It's your future wife, she's excited about the wedding, so shut your mouth and do what she says..."

 

I'm super sensitive to her needs as her man. I'm polite, i show her

respect, I'm a gentleman.

 

Maybe it's just cuz i'm a dude.

 

 

Good luck with your wedding - hope it is an awesome day! Hopefully it will be but it takes a lot of planning and alot of hard work. You say you are super sensitive to her needs, but you are clearly not being sensitive to her needs now. She will stop wigging out when you come home and say "honey - today i made the tailor appointment, sorted everything out that was on my to do list. Double checked the photographer, the videographer, the caterer and the bakery. Everything is all confirmed and in line...." etc etc etc

 

She is wigging out because there are 1000 things to do and she is having to do them all on her own. Help her.

 

She won't be stressing if you help her out!

 

oh, and

 

"It's your future wife, she's excited about the wedding, so shut your mouth and do what she says..."

 

[Tamrick]

Women do get stressed about getting everything done for a wedding. I only just got engaged and am already getting a bit stressed.

 

I would advise though that for your own sanity as well as hers that you take her out for supper or do something romantic and totally unrelated to the wedding, but get her to agree that for a few hours she will not even talk about the planning for the wedding. After that reassure her by actually booking the things - I know, its annoying doing it so soon, but at least she will know you are interested. Its the biggest event a woman ever plans.

 

Good luck for the next few weeks.

[Leikela]

Yes, rest assured that this is all due to the stress of your wedding. This is one of the most important days in both of your lives. It's a new beginning and she wants that beginning to start without a hitch. Just ride the wave and go along with what she says and things will work out in the end. Congrats to you both!