guys and stripclubs...

[vindicated_viah]

My boyfriend of two yeas is soon to turn 18. For his 18th birthday he wants to go to the strippers in a nearby city. I don't like the fact of him going to the strippers...but it's going to happen...I REALLY don't like the fact that he'll probably get a lapdance and have another girl all over him and him enjoying it. It makes me feel unworthy and disrespected. I've been to strippers before and I have seen guys and the way they act at them so I'm not just being naive. It also bothers me that he has chosen to go to strippers (I'm not of age yet) to celebrate his birthday--somewhere where I'm not wanted around and can't celebrate with him.

Am I being unreasonable? And how do I tell him it bothers me without him going into the whole "I'm a guy and this is what guys do" speech?

[sparticuss]

My boyfriend of two yeas is soon to turn 18. For his 18th birthday he wants to go to the strippers in a nearby city. I don't like the fact of him going to the strippers...but it's going to happen...I REALLY don't like the fact that he'll probably get a lapdance and have another girl all over him and him enjoying it. It makes me feel unworthy and disrespected. I've been to strippers before and I have seen guys and the way they act at them so I'm not just being naive. It also bothers me that he has chosen to go to strippers (I'm not of age yet) to celebrate his birthday--somewhere where I'm not wanted around and can't celebrate with him.

Am I being unreasonable? And how do I tell him it bothers me without him going into the whole "I'm a guy and this is what guys do" speech?

 

I think you are being unreasonable and niave but thats understandable at your age.

 

Unworthy????

Unworthy of what? Unworthy of him?? He's still going to be dating you after his 18th isn't he. Why? I'd gues because you are WORTH dating. Thats worthy.

 

Disrespected???

You are an unfortunate victim of an extremely effective propaganda program being touted by the womens movement overthe last fiveyears whereby EVERYTHING a guy says is disrespect.

Think back at some of the most digusting thing that the schools worst bitches have said about you, both to your face and behind your back. That's real disrespect.

To put it into persepctive imagine its a guy saying exactly the same things. Guys normally do not say anything like what the school bitches do because they have too much respect for you.

 

 

Keep in touch please Viha. I know I havent answered this question completely and I also know that you havent really outlined your feelings completely either.

We still have a great deal to discuss.

[Outcast]

I disagree. And I'm seriously unimpressed with the repeated use of the word 'bitches'. If you have been going out for two years, he should want to spend his birthday with you. If he must go see strippers, he can do it any time after he's 18. I think he's still very immature and turning 18 won't change that much.

[makaze]

I don't even care how much of a 'nice' guy he is and what you see in him, but the fact that he would rather spend his birthday with some strippers without you being around rather than being with you, says enough about him. God, if I had a guy with the nerve to suggest such a thing, goodbye and too bad.

[vegasdesertgal]

My boyfriend of 11 months suggested the other night that we go to a strip club, and I agreed - but I was pretty shocked by the proposal and sure this would not lead to anything good. I even warned him that if anyone put his hands on him, or he put his hands on anybody, it would not be a good thing. "No problem!" he says. The minute we walked in the door, I swear the guy transformed into the happiest, most at-ease I had seen him ever. It was just so obvious he has spent some real time in these places, and the place he took me was extremely interactive - lap dancers were very pushy and at one point he even offered to buy me a lap dance! I look at him and say, "Are you flipping kidding me???" As if. Also, I am 40, and these girls are 20. I was shocked, totally devastated, floored, humiliated, and livid - all at once. First, what exactly was the message he was trying to send to me? I'm 40, not 20. Never will be again, so he's showing me his attraction to young women I can never compete with (nor would I try to), that our sex life is not enough for him, and that he thinks so little of me that I would be into this kind of thing. Why he would think so, I don't know - I've never indicated a tolerance for infidelity, and any way you cut it, these strip clubs are a form of infidelity. A sleazy, anonymous, fast way to "get off," either then or later thinking of someone else. Fantasizing is one thing, but actually going to strip clubs another. I went totally ballistic (verbally) on him when we left. I wondered if this was why he was so mysterious and often unavailable - I don't know what he was doing, but to see the look on his face when he was there, was just so, so hurtful. Also I was furious he had lied to me when he said numerous times "I would never pay money to have some woman shake her - - - - in front of me." These were statements he made on his own - I wasn't asking. Actually, before this I have never given strip clubs much of a thought in my life. He also is regarded as totally germ-phobic and I mean it's RIDICULOUS how germ-phobic this guy is, so to see him like that in a strip club, I thought what kind of weird psychological phenomenon is this??? It was an awful scene / screaming match and I doubt we will ever speak again. Meanwhile I feel devastated on so many levels I can't begin to count. So guys, don't kid yourselves about how your girlfriends and wives will feel about this. Better be sure it's worth it to you to gamble your relationship and integrity away. This happened Friday, and I still have not shaken this surreal, horrible feeling off. I feel like somebody died, and he did - the guy I thought I knew and loved.

[AverageJoe]

I lost count of how many assumptions you made about him Vegas. Maybe you should start doing his thinking for him.

 

Oh yeah, and work on your insecurities. =)

[sparticuss]

I don't even care how much of a 'nice' guy he is and what you see in him, but the fact that he would rather spend his birthday with some strippers without you being around rather than being with you, says enough about him. God, if I had a guy with the nerve to suggest such a thing, goodbye and too bad.

 

Well of course your grlfirends arre alreadying doing that makaze. Male sex symbols are strippers. And guys leave thir gf s at home while they go to see them. and hope they have a gf when they get back.

 

Female sex symbols are rock stars. And girls DUMP thier bf s so as to be unemcumbered, before going absoloutely ballastic over them. Adn then wonder why their bf s have moved on and wont take them back after the rock stars have also moved on.

 

makaze! Several people have called this guy "immature". Female maturity comes when you stop with the silly "goodby and too bad" attitude. Dumping bf s over something trivial (and yes, I shouldn't have to tell you how trivial this is but I do becasue of your imaturity. Do you wan't to know what something SERIOUS really is?) is one of the worst signs of female immaturity.

Most females are in their mid thirties before they even start to develop any maturity.

[sparticuss]

I disagree. And I'm seriously unimpressed with the repeated use of the word 'bitches'. If you have been going out for two years, he should want to spend his birthday with you. If he must go see strippers, he can do it any time after he's 18. I think he's still very immature and turning 18 won't change that much.

OUtcast.

Know what I'm seroiusly unimpressed with? I'm seriously unimpressed with the culture that does nothing to stop the poision that is routinely sown by these bitches. I used the word appropriately, to describe a few disgraceful individuals, as they deserve to be described. End of story.

[makaze]

Well of course your grlfirends arre alreadying doing that makaze. Male sex symbols are strippers. And guys leave thir gf s at home while they go to see them. and hope they have a gf when they get back.

 

Female sex symbols are rock stars. And girls DUMP thier bf s so as to be unemcumbered, before going absoloutely ballastic over them. Adn then wonder why their bf s have moved on and wont take them back after the rock stars have also moved on.

 

makaze! Several people have called this guy "immature". Female maturity comes when you stop with the silly "goodby and too bad" attitude. Dumping bf s over something trivial (and yes, I shouldn't have to tell you how trivial this is but I do becasue of your imaturity. Do you wan't to know what something SERIOUS really is?) is one of the worst signs of female immaturity.

Most females are in their mid thirties before they even start to develop any maturity.

 

What in the world are you on about. This has nothing to do with maturity, and everything to do with respect. And you seem to equate 'maturity' with 'having no self-respect'. How sad. I stand by everything I said. You don't have to go on with the nonsense analogies, I wouldn't spend my birthday with some hot rock stars backstage but with my boyfriend if anyone.

[thekiss]

I would just like to point out that just because Vegas may have a different view on strip clubs does NOT mean she is insecure.

 

Women can actually think that strip clubs are nasty because they don't want some skanky chic rubbing her crotch all over the man she is in love with. (Nothing to do with being insecure).

 

Or a woman can think that her man or men sitting around over indulging in liquor, and lusting over strange women is immoral. (Also nothing to do with being insecure.)

 

Average Joe...believe it or not woman do get to have an opinion. And, believe it or not, it may be different than yours every once in awhile. What I'd love is if you could come up with some argument that actually might make her feel better, instead of jumping to the conclusion that she must be insecure.

 

Or maybe you turning it around on her like that is some sort of defense mechanism on your part?

[AverageJoe]

My repsonse wasnt about women (including you). It was about her. You generalized your response. =)

 

Do you really think that if she was 100%, without a doubt, secure about herself and HIM that it would even be an issue? Maybe read her post again.

[thekiss]

The final line of your reply was that maybe she needed to work on her insecurities.

 

Your ASSUMPTION of her is that she is insecure. She at least knows the man she is making assumptions of, which is not the case with you.

 

What I intended to point out to you is the "you're insecure" line comes out of many mens mouths when they are confronted with using porn, or hitting strip clubs. It's right up there with "it's my right as a man" and "every man does it".

 

Average Joe...many women are NOT insecure about themselves and still hate strip clubs and porn. I did not get from her post that she is insecure in any way. I think seeing her man in a strip club, and his behavior there, is what knocked her on her butt! I probably would've been too! No woman wants to see her man leering all over another chic. All of the questions she now has are VERY normal.

 

It would have been nice and would be nice, if men could take into consideration that many women don't understand this behavior. We don't need the visual aid that men do. We also would not be as prone to go to a strip club if it were males stripping. It's just the difference in the sexes, and if you could take a second to understand that, you wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she is insecure.