How often should couples keep in contact?

[grace2005]

I'd just like to take a survey to see how often couples do keep in contact?? How often should couples keep in contact??? Whether it's by phone, visits, e-mail, text messeages??

[Lilly]

I dated one guy where one of us would call the other one on the phone or cell everyday.

 

The guy I am dating now is totally different. I only get one call from him a week to let me know what we are doing for the weekend and what time he is picking me up. He owns his own business and is very busy. Personally, I would like for him to call me more often.

[RecordProducer]

Since the day I met husband we've been talking on the phone/messenger/webcam every day for hours. We're in a long-distance relationship for a couple more months.

 

I strongly believe that if people are in love, they will see each other every day if possible. If not then they will at least talk on the phone on a daily basis. Emails are very impersonal. If you don't hear from your lover every day a few months into the relatioonship - he is not in love with you.

[Second-best]

I've been with my guy for almost 8 months now. We're both in our second year of uni, and when we were new in our relationship and 3 hours away from each other during the summer,we'd chat online whenever possible and call for several hours EVERY day... now that we're back in school in the same town, we see each other pretty much every day, unless he or I go home for the weekend. Even so, everyday he calls me at LEAST twice a day, and I'll call once or twice too... there are also at least two-three txt msgs a day...

[Enygmatic]

Everything is based on love. If the two individuals in the couple love each other then it will work no matter how far they are. If there is love then he/she respects himself/herself partner but most important he/she respects his/her partner.

 

Absence reduces mediocre passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire

[grace2005]

Since the day I met husband we've been talking on the phone/messenger/webcam every day for hours. We're in a long-distance relationship for a couple more months.

 

I strongly believe that if people are in love, they will see each other every day if possible. If not then they will at least talk on the phone on a daily basis. Emails are very impersonal. If you don't hear from your lover every day a few months into the relatioonship - he is not in love with you.

 

What if a person hears from their lover every other day by phone and it's been 2.5 years into the relationship? Is that a sign of a problem?

[HeartSprinkles]

What if a person hears from their lover every other day by phone and it's been 2.5 years into the relationship? Is that a sign of a problem?

 

OMG no! My bf and I talk everyother day on the phone. We are very much in love. I like to have time to do some personal things; just basically make sure that I am staying myself. It is a major pet peeve of mine to see a couple that has basically melted into one entity (personality, likes, dislikes...boring).

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Actually, this subject is currently a big issue in my relationship with my boyfriend. He uses the "My work is insane, and I'm too busy to call" excuse. If any of you have read the book "He's Just Not That Into You", you will know that these kind of excuses are BS. In a healthy, committed, serious relationship, people should WANT to make the effort to stay connected at least once a day. It doesn't have to be a long call...but just a quick call to say "I love you" and "you're on my mind". I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

[grace2005]

My ex dumped me in late august and came back in november. I dumped her nearly 2 weeks ago. I made it a rule during that month that I would initiate calls once every 4 to 5 days. She initiated calls with me every other day. I would always answer when she initiates calls.

 

In my next relationship (if I ever have one) I plan to make that same rule for myself to call my gf no more than once every 4 to 5 days.

 

I've learned that if guys call everyday especially 2 or more times per day then their calls will lose their importance. Why? because your girlfriend will never have time to miss you. Absense makes the heart grow founder. If you keep in contact everyday then she will likely take you for granted and lose interest in you fast.

 

Women are attracted to guys who have other interests in their daily lives outside the relationship. The relationship is just the icing on the cake. If you call her everyday then it shows her that you don't have a life and that you are obsessed with her.

 

Don't always be available to her. Don't apologize when you've done nothing wrong. Don't show up at her door everyday. Don't say "i love you" more than once a day. Yes women are attracted to men who play hard to get. Keep the mystery going. 24 hours is not enough for her to miss you. Aim for 4 to 5 days.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

You're way off base. And if you implement this "great plan", you're going to be very old and loney.

[targetbag]

OMG no! My bf and I talk everyother day on the phone. We are very much in love. I like to have time to do some personal things; just basically make sure that I am staying myself. It is a major pet peeve of mine to see a couple that has basically melted into one entity (personality, likes, dislikes...boring).

 

 

Amen to that! I was, for the most part, single my whole life until I met my boyfriend 5 months ago. He's in the same boat as I am in terms of that, and we're both in our late 20's. We are very much in love, but it's also important to both of us to have boundaries, and our own lives and interestst. We should WANT each other in our lives, not NEED each other. We usually spend all weekend together, and then one evening during the week we'll get together and sometimes spend the night together. Other than setting up our dates, we don't really talk on the phone. He's not a phone talker, and I don't have an issue with that. Now if this was an LDR, it'd be a different story, but we live like 3 miles apart and can see each other whenever we want. We also set up our dates via email pretty frequently.

 

ummm...grace? That technique will work maybe for the first month or two of your relationship, but after that you're gonna get nailed for inattentiveness and probably get dumped for someone who pays attention to her. I mean...yes, girls like guys who are hard-to-get, and vice versa. However, once a relationship has been established, people want to feel secure that they're cared for by their significant other.

[grace2005]

And I've known guys who smothered their girlfriends with phone calls more than once a day, who displayed public affection, saying "i love you" 5 times a day and all that pushed their girlfriends into the arms of another man. Why? because the guys who contact too often no longer remain a challenge. It's in the human nature to appreciate what comes difficult and take for granted what comes easy.

 

As far as being dumped for inatteniveness. I guess each relationship is different. I think two people need to sit down with each other and communicate how often they would like to keep in contact and stick to that plan. Write it down on paper if necessary for rememberance. Make some ground rules.

 

But the contacts should be 50/50. Otherwise it's a red flag that one partner is more or less into the other or rather vice versa.

 

I think I was more into my ex than she was into me before she dumped me in august. About a month after we reconciled in november the tables turned. I guess I became less into her and she became more into me. The ball was in my court now. I dumped her for various reasons.

[Woggle]

I always have the need for space and my SO enjoys her space as well. It is not so much a matter of time than possesiveness. If I want to go hang with my friends or she wants to do her thing there is no problem because we both have our own lives. We do spend a lot of time together and even more so now that we are living together but we enjoy it because it is not forced. If I have my freedom I will want to spend more time with a woman by choice.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Keeping in contact is different than space to do your own thing. You can have time to do your own stuff and still remember to call your honey once a day to tell her that you love her.

[Woggle]

Keeping in contact is different than space to do your own thing. You can have time to do your own stuff and still remember to call your honey once a day to tell her that you love her.

 

We kiss each other good night every night.

[Pendawn]

If you don't hear from your lover every day a few months into the relatioonship - he is not in love with you.

 

That's very arbitrary. I think everyone is different, and it depends on your way of life, what you are used to etc. i was in a very LTR which was long distance for a few years in the middle. Even then we talked maybe every couple of days or so, and i felt totally connected to him in every way.

 

My current bf and I see each other a couple of times a week, and talk on the phone maybe 1-2 times a week, with the odd text message thrown in. (eg saw him Wednesday, he phoned me Saturday, spent Sunday together, I'm callign him tonight, then seeing him tomorrow) It's fine by me. I have no desire to call him every single day, but I am very much in love with him.

[grace2005]

Yes every relationship is different. It's best to sit down and talk over how often the two of you would like to keep in contact. Listen to your SO not what the outside world tells you that you should and should not do.

 

You might find that your SO does not need to hear from you everyday. The idea that your SO will just run off and cheat if you don't call everyday is nonsense. People ultimately will do what they want to do. If your SO wants to cheat there's nothing you can do to prevent that.

 

If anything calling everyday for the purpose of making sure they are still there might just push them away into the arms of someone else. Why? because if you call often enough they will sense that you are trying to keep tabs on where they are. Nobody can tell you how often to keep in contact. It's up to you to decide.

 

I personally would feel smothered if I heard from my girlfriend everyday. It's not like we are married. If we are married it would be a different story but in a dating relationship I would feel suffocated.

 

I would feel suffocated if my friends were trying to call me everyday. There's a time for me to be alone too. There's a time to be alone and a time to enjoy the company of others.

 

The only way a person will be dumped for inattentiveness is if they ignore the calls their SO initiates. If you are responding to calls your partner makes then you are not neglecting them. Always reciprocate but don't always initiate.

[Lifestream]

I remember my ex called me every night at 9pm and kept talking to me for 3 hours. It was nice at first, but it came to be an expectation of hers. I wouldn't be able to do anything after 9pm on any given day unless I had plans to get out of the house.

I totally agree with some guys on this one. Every single day might lead to obsession and compulsiveness, and that's not a healthy relationship. Although it does depend on the personality of your significant other.

 

But really, when you call each other every day, how much information will you tell them about since the night before? It just gets boring and redundant because you've heard it all already. I'm not into discussing the news 5 out of 7 days because I know everything that's going on with her.

 

Very boring, very redundant. I mean if my gf didn't mind 10 or 20 minute phone calls some days then that would be great. But really, I can't go every day for I don't remember how many months of talking to her at 9pm for at least an hour and a half. Clingy clingy.

[Outcast]

But really, when you call each other every day, how much information will you tell them about since the night before? It just gets boring and redundant because you've heard it all already.

 

Depends how chatty you are, how many things you're interested in, and how much you like to communicate. I've had friends and SOs of both genders who called me daily - some several times a day. We always found something to chat about.

[grace2005]

I certainly believe that in the early stages of dating which is the "getting to know each other" stage before exclusivity if the guy is interested in a girl and asks for her phone number and she gives it to him he should wait 1 day before calling her. Then wait 4 days after that. Then wait 8 days.

 

If after that point she does not call then it means she's not interested. Move on! A woman who is truly interested would be calling the guy at least once for every 3 times he calls her. Call her 3 times and if she does not initiate a call after that then go into strict no contact mode and move on. She may be playing hard to get but after 3 calls she should be initiating a call.

[grace2005]

The best way to love your girlfriend is to set her free through no contact & let her come to you and chase you. If she really loves you then she will call you. If she wants to wait 4-5 days or 8 days then so be it. Just play the waiting game. In this case no contact means don't pursue her. Don't initiate contact. But always reciprocate contact. This is not to say you should always be available to take her calls either.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Very boring, very redundant. I mean if my gf didn't mind 10 or 20 minute phone calls some days then that would be great. But really, I can't go every day for I don't remember how many months of talking to her at 9pm for at least an hour and a half. Clingy clingy.

 

Oh, you are definitely right. That's too much. I'd rather save those chats for in-person time. But if you can only see the person once every week or two, then I think a 10 minute daily call is appropriate and necessary to maintain a healthy, communicative relationship.

[agnf666]

How about this case scenerio... I have been dating this guy for a month now and we see each other almost every day and we are incontact with each other everyday. Usually he tells me to call him everyday. I just don't want to smother him but if he tells me to call him everyday then I guess I am not smothering him. I think he is in love with me very much...

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

How about this case scenerio... I have been dating this guy for a month now and we see each other almost every day and we are incontact with each other everyday. Usually he tells me to call him everyday. I just don't want to smother him but if he tells me to call him everyday then I guess I am not smothering him. I think he is in love with me very much...

 

As long as you are comfortable with that amount of communication, and he is asking you to call, then go for it.

[agnf666]

As long as you are comfortable with that amount of communication, and he is asking you to call, then go for it.

 

 

Yes I am comfortable with the amount of communication. If he is asking me to call him then I can't be smothering him. So, I guess it's all good here!!!