How do you recover from child abuse?

[enki]

Ladies, there is only one important technical book due out in the next month or so. No need for Dan Brown to write "The Becoming Code." It's already advertised on the Net at

 

http://media3.steelers.com/article/62839/

 

Only problem is, they don't name the author!

[enki]

On behalf of us all(I hope):-

 

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,[thread?]

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

 

How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true,

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

 

And bending down beside the glowing bars,

Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

(William Butler Yeats.)

[blind_otter]

On behalf of us all(I hope):-

 

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,[thread?]

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

 

How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true,

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

 

And bending down beside the glowing bars,

Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

(William Butler Yeats.)

 

I wrote this in a card to my exhusband when we got married.

[enki]

I wrote this in a card to my exhusband when we got married.

It really is a beautiful poem isn't it? That you used it too, just goes to show that great minds think alike.

One problem with having an unfortunate upbringing is that we find it difficult to express emotions and feelings of our own, but sure as Hell we can appreciate and recognise when a good poet "does the job for us."

Hope your weekend goes well and that the current problems are sorting themselves out.

[blind_otter]

Did I mention "The Hose Whisperer" on this thread? I did somewhere. My ex and I watched it and I cried in every scene with the poor wounded traumatized horse. Because I could see my own reactions distilled in that poor animal's reactions. Fear, mistrust, anger, depression, frustration, skittishness, regret. It was a cathartic movie. It was like the human relationships were just a sub-plot.

 

My ex equates me with the wounded horse. He thinks that if he has enough patience, and is quiet and has endurance with me that eventually I'll be broken to ride again....

[Becoming]

I assume this was the horse whisperer and not the bad title of a porn flick.

 

I think the analogy is apt. I reacted pretty much the same way to that movie. It tore me up. And I couldn't finish watching Misery. That movie should have some kind of warning label on it for abuse survivors. Watching my reaction to that movie was when my H started getting me.

 

So do you want to be "broken" (hate that term!) and ridden again? The fact that he gets that that patience is what it would take is heartening.

 

This isn't the ex who choked you, right? Tell us more about him when you're ready, ok?

[blind_otter]

I can tell you about him now....when I met him intially we were both in bad places. He was still married then. That was like 2 1/2 - 3 years ago. We met again last year when I was doing a lot of coke. He was too. And we both drank heavily together.

 

It was very hard for me to think clearly when I was still getting f***ed up regularly. I often had skittish reactions to men, and would just do something to either push the man away, or just leave without warning when I started getting challenged or pushed to look at the twisted way I interact with men in general. I broke up with him and immediately hooked up with someone else. He saw us together at my house and left in a rage, to get drunk. He came back at 3am and was really drunk. I was miserable, I had taken the other guy home. I thought that being alone was the answer I needed, and I did it the only way I knew how I guess.

 

He scared me. He was drunk and angry. Recipie for disaster. Now the details get hazy. I went back to ask him to leave and honestly I don't remember anything until he was choking me. I thought that I just asked him but I think I blacked out and had a flashback. According to him, I attacked him when he wouldn't leave. With a hammer. I have no memory of this.

 

Long story short I called the cops to get him away from me.

 

He was devestated and didn't get out of bed for a week. I went to take care of his son when he had custody of him because I like the kid and felt badly that I was part of the reason his dad was in a bad way.

 

He is voluntarily in anger management and alcohol rehab now. We talk a lot. He understands me in ways that I don't understand.

 

When he was young, he was a bad kid. Spent lots of time in juvenile detention. But he didn't end up in prison or jail like everyone he knew at the time. Instead, he moved to Alaska and lived by himself in the woods for a year canning fish to make ends meet. That was his way of breaking ties with the past.

 

The thing is that violence is easy for me to forgive. I did it a thousand times with my mother. In the end she found her way.

 

I don't know if I ever will, or even if it's healthy to hold his hand while I walk along my path to sanity. I want to so badly, though. I want what my father gave me - unconditional love and guidance. He can no longer do that because of his health.

[Mz. Pixie]

The thing is that violence is easy for me to forgive. I did it a thousand times with my mother. In the end she found her way.

 

 

Doesn't this just sum it all up?? So sad how they warp these little bodies and minds into what they weren't made to be.

 

I look at my children constantly, even when I've been angry at them, and think "How in the world did she ever do to me what she did?" I just don't get it. My kids are the world to me and the air they breathe is precious. Yet, she tossed her kids up to a pervert and then insinuated it was payment for services rendered.

 

When I first had my son, I could be in Walmart and hear someone yell at their child and I would start to cry. There is something deep within me that can sense real suffering and respond to it. It's like a pain magnet or something.

 

It's a blessing and a curse. I hate it when it causes me to be over emotional about things that I shouldn't. But yet I love it when I have the opportunity to use my past to relate to one of my husband's kids on his team or someone at church or work.

 

My husband has a girl on one of his teams and she's had a rough life. Her mom is a good person but she's just had all that life can throw at her and thinks it's optional to throw in the towel on parenting. She's tired. She's got five kids and never enough money. Terrible marriage to her second husband. My husband has her daughter and her son both. Last year the daughter was kidnapped and raped by her boyfriend and missing for two weeks. They found out she was bipolar and she's been on meds. She's done a 360- making good grades, getting along with people, I mean, truly she is like a different child. Any time we have the kids over here, some of them are always gushing about how nice our house is. These two kids were amazed we had carpet- they are living on concrete slab at their house.

 

Anyway one day I was talking to her and I can tell by things she says she thinks no one understands her struggles with her mom and life. I think she thinks I've lived an easy life. I said, "Well, if you were to look at me, E- would you think that I was ever sexually molested growing up- or that everyone in my family was a drug addict or an alcoholic or that my mother was mentally ill?" The look on her face was priceless. She was amazed. I looked her dead in the face and I said, " I made it, and I've had a relatively good life. I have made mistakes like everyone else but giving up wasn't an option. Because if I did, then they won and above all I wasn't going to let them win. If I can do it, YOU can do it" and then I told her I'd be there for her no matter what.

 

My H and I are going to try everything to help her get a scholarship, even if we have to tutor her for the ACT ourselves!

 

I have no clue where I'm going with this post, but it just came all tumbling out!

[enki]

I have made mistakes like everyone else but giving up wasn't an option. Because if I did, then they won and above all I wasn't going to let them win. If I can do it, YOU can do it"

 

That is absolutely magnificent MzP!

Whatever else we discuss on this thread, what you said is the foundation.

 

What really fascinates is that this essential principle has come up in the context of horses, because the symbol of the wounded healer is Chiron, the centaur, half human, half horse. Chiron was said by the Greeks to have taught the art of healing to people. And isn't Chiron exactly what we are: wounded people who are attempting to heal each other?

 

Those idiots out there who think you can train horses by "breaking" them are making the same mistakes our parents did, and they too have failed. You don't break a horse; you school it, patiently, gently, lovingly, and with respect and admiration to preserve its wonderful essential spirit.

 

Equally, you can't teach children by trying to break them. Either they will come back to destroy you, or they will die. My parents believed they could break us, especially break me, by sheer use of brute force, often inflicted daily. The two of them would join together to bash me with fists, sticks, cricket stumps, and kicking... anything. It worked quite well, but they forgot one thing about kids. Kids grow UP!

 

One day my father hit one very angry, very fit, 18 year old Army Officer trainee. Mother came snuffling up the corridor to join in a game of "Let's bash up naughty Enki," only to find her husband on the floor with a ruptured eardrum and a larynx so bruised he could hardly breathe. As I stepped over this dopey bully's gasping body, I told her to tell him that if he ever touched me again, I would kill him. She probably thought I already had.

 

Neither of them ever did touch me again, but bacause their power had been based on pure brutality, once that was gone, there was no relationship any more. Both went to their graves having not even seen their eldest child for ten and twelve years respectively.

 

Yes you are so right MzP.

 

If we can overcome that brutality as kids, we can overcome anything!

[Becoming]

What a centaur you are, enki! I'm sitting here crying that your parents missed out on one fantastic person and that they were too {whatever} to even see that.

 

How sad it is that some people only seem to understand this kind of perverse power. And that we ourselves can get caught in thinking that's the only way to wield power because it's all we ever saw.

 

Yet we learned otherwise. Eventually, at least.

 

MzP: You may not feel like it all the time, but you, too, are a testimony to healing. You've taken what happened and have used it to help others. Good for you.

 

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is when Joseph can say to his brothers who sold him into slavery, "You intended harm to me, but God used it for good."

 

Look at the potential redemption of drug-induced violence with Otter and her ex, now both clean. That's amazing to me.

 

And how enki has become such a force for healing after decking her father with brute force. If it were a movie, we'd all have been cheering. And yet something in us knows this isn't right. So we've all gone on to discover other forms of power in us, the power to help others.

 

Has anyone else noticed that each of us has withheld details of events until it felt safe enough? It's like we lurk, testing whether or not we feel safe before divulging what's really going on with us, just playing along with whatever anyone else is doing otherwise. Or is it just me who does that?

[Becoming]

Oh, forgot. Anyone else watch Desperate Housewives? Last night's episode had one of the character's mother showing up after 15 years. Turns out Gabriella had been sexually abused by her stepfather and her mother knew about it but blamed her. Gabby ran away from home at 15. She's not one of my favorite characters, but knowing this detail explained a whole lot about her and her relationship with her H on the show.

[blind_otter]

Well my ex bought me a gift this weekend. He said that opals are for hope, and coincidentally they are my birthstone, too. It's a lovely gift. I like that he really thought about it and gave it some meaning, too. Theophrastus said, "the delicacy of the opal remind me of a loving and beautiful child".

 

Yeah, I do that all the time, B. I hold back until I feel like it's safe enough to peep my head out. My mother told me that's how I was born. I stuck my left hand out and tested the air, then the rest o fme came out. My left arm is still weak because I think I dislocated my shoulder being born. (or my mom did it later on)

 

I like this thread a lot. I hope it keeps going. I feel younger when I write here for some reason.

[Mz. Pixie]

Oh, forgot. Anyone else watch Desperate Housewives? Last night's episode had one of the character's mother showing up after 15 years. Turns out Gabriella had been sexually abused by her stepfather and her mother knew about it but blamed her. Gabby ran away from home at 15. She's not one of my favorite characters, but knowing this detail explained a whole lot about her and her relationship with her H on the show.

 

I did see that, and I thought, gee, I know how that feels. However, unlike Gabby I went there with my mother- when she just ran!

 

I loved how he reacted at the end too, it showed that he really believed her and "got it".

[enki]

So we've all gone on to discover other forms of power in us, the power to help others.

 

Has anyone else noticed that each of us has withheld details of events until it felt safe enough?

 

Thank you Becoming for your "virtual cheers!":D

 

As to parental violence, perhaps one could reinforce your mention of Joseph with the admonition in Hosea 8:7 "They sow the wind, and reap the whirlwind."

 

However all of us would probably agree that continuation of violence would be pointless, but sublimating it into healing seems sensible ... and it's gratifying and fun, isn't it?

 

Yes we all tend to test the water before diving in. Survivors of child abuse do react rather like battered wives. There is still some vestige of shame to overcome before we can really entrust others with our stories. I didn't feel triumphant about hitting my father...just sick that it should come to this.

 

But one great thing has come out of it. I've met three really superb and inspiring people on LS! Thank you!

 

You are quite right BOt, the hesitation to talk is like a baby peeking out before being born, but the obstetrical analogy could get me into trouble. I was a forceps delivery!

[Mz. Pixie]

I will never forget disclosing to my male best friend- that I'd known since 7th grade. I told him when I was just out of high school.

 

He went over to my house when I wasn't home and confronted my mom and my stepfather.

 

They convinced him that I was overly dramatic and that I felt sorry for myself and had made the rest of it up.

 

I talked to him last year after I hadn't talked to him in over 15 years. I told him that yeah, it was still as true as it was before and that him believing them had caused me terrible pain. He apologized of course but the damage was done............

[Becoming]

Oh, MzP, I'm sorry. :( At least your friend had the guts as a seventh grader to go confront them on your behalf. That's pretty gutsy for a seventh-grader who would be susceptible to being convinced by grown-ups as to what reality is. But still the betrayal of that friend and your hope. . . .

 

Oh, hell, I'm crying again. I can't seem to stop crying from all the pain perpetrated on the world. I've had to quit watching the news. I can barely tolerate NPR because it allows distanced analysis (loved enki's breakdown of that word!). I just don't understand why people feel the need to hurt others on any scale personal to national/global. Of course a certain amount of pain in relationship with others is inevitable. But I don't understand how we are so blind to others. I guess the prayer of confession we sometimes say at church is it: "Wrapped up in our concerns, we ignore our neighbors in need."

 

I, too, know what it's like to tell only to be told I'm overly dramatic. The reason why Otter's description of her father turning away struck a chord is because that happened to me, too. We were always moving for my father to climb the corporate ladder, so I didn't really get to know anyone like teachers well enough to tell. Then at 12 I finally told the person I most trusted in the whole world, my grandmother, and she defended my mother and praised me for my imagination. I never said anything after that until I told my H who saw a little of the verbal abuse one day and thought that was pretty much it.

 

I stuffed it all down and just kept running toward what I wanted life to be, trying to ward off the sabotage of memories and powerful emotions I had no clue what to do with. I'd seen what alcohol did to people and wanted none of that. My drug of choice was work, a socially-sanctioned drug that gets you good things.

 

And so now I have everything I want--great job, great H, daughters who are amazing people, big old house--and something of a nervous come-apart. I trust this is all part of my life process, that all will be well in the end, but some days I need reminding of that.

 

So yesterday's therapy I learned that I am expert at completely shutting off my emotions. You'd think I was a man I am so good at it. (I mean this as no slam to men; it's actually one of the things I admire about them in many circumstances.) At the first sign of someone touching my vulnerability in an interaction, though, it's like I switch cameras from the emotions to my head. My emotions can be rioting, burning, pillaging, but it's like I've shut myself off from seeing them since they're out of camera range. Instead, my camera is focused on analyzing what the other is saying and determining how I should respond in accord with what it is they say (sound familiar?) It makes no difference what my rioting emotions are trying to say to me; I ignore them.

 

We discovered this yesterday when my smart-cookie therapist is pointing out how I have a tendency to withdraw from anything potentially hurtful and prepare myself for the lambasting I'm sure is coming. Then she asks me if I feel what she's saying.

Me, perplexed: "Feel what you're saying? No."

"So what are you feeling?" she asks.

"Nothing."

"So where are you?" (a common question of hers)

"In my head," I respond. "Thinking."

" Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes, I think so. But feel it? No."

 

Of course this is where the session ended, and the army of my psyche retreated like a batallion that had just had half its soldiers slaughtered--in utter disarray.

 

I left wanting my H, realizing I wanted someone to tell me what I was feeling, sort it all out for me, and realizing, too, that that was my job. No one else can do that for me and then when they try and don't get it right (because they get so little from me in my confused state), I castigate them for not being able to read my mind. They don't give me the desired response (though I haven't told them what that is), so I perceive threat, danger, and shut down and fortress, thus maintaining the abusive world order I know and DEFEND and PROTECT!

 

So I arrived home and my H was there and I just collapsed crying into his arms. He was amazing last night. I clung to him like a little child most of the night, unable to give him much of what was going on with me, and when he started trying to guess and tell me what he thought I was thinking/feeling/doing, I asked him to stop and just let me figure it out and tell him when I could. And he did. He just kept reassuring me that WE are gonna get you through this. It was exactly what I needed to hear. When I said I was embarrassed that I was acting like a child, he said, "Look, we have seen each other at our absolute worse. There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed for what's happened to you and where you are right now. It just is, and I'm gonna be here with you through it all however you need me." Everything I'd ever wanted to hear. And something I wouldn't have dreamed possible a year ago.

 

So that's my offering of hope today.

 

MzP--I'm concerned about you and the potential trigger of the Desperate Housewives episode. Especially when Gabby said that running away was easier than having her mother not believe her. You didn't run away and had that confrontation and what she feared did indeed happen to you, is that right? Hang in. You're gonna get some help next week. Drugs do help, so don't switch off your emotions and go to your head and try to give the dr. what s/he wants to hear. Stand up for what you know you need like you do for the kids on H's team whom you're helping.

 

Otter, how's recovery going? I see a wiser, mellower you in other posts, still with that same lovely wit, and I celebrate that.

 

Enki, I hope it feels safe emotionally with the sharing here. Your parents together using you as a punching bag is a horrific image. No wonder you joined the armed forces, huh?

 

Prayers and blessings for us all. Here's my latest mantra: "God is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

 

As I was looking up chapter and verse of that, I came across this other reference to the brokenhearted that was Word. May it bring consolation:

 

Isaiah 61:1-4: The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; God hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; 3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that God might be glorified. 4 And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

 

This is what Jesus quoted as his mission. And this is why I love Jesus because I know that my waste cities and desolations of many generations are being rebuilt through the power of Holy Spirit.

[blind_otter]

Otter, how's recovery going? I see a wiser, mellower you in other posts, still with that same lovely wit, and I celebrate that.

 

Thanks B. I feel better. This thread has helped immensely. What you describe is my biggest issue with therapy in a nutshell, and why I've often considered saving up for 1-2 months inpatient treatment rather than the weekly sessions. Because many times you touch on something like you described and it is terrifying to deal with. For me, I've been incapacitated every time I've been in therapy, each time to the point of losing the ability to function in daily life. It stirs the pot.

 

I keep calling him my ex, but we act like we are still involved. He wants to be. He loves me a lot. More than I can compute or understand. I met his parents last night and his mother is a joy - one of those soothing, beautiful people who makes you feel good just being around them. Like my older sister.

 

I was so nervous, but he held my hand and on the drive over he kept noticing me going into my head (as you described above RE: therapy), he would squeeze my hand and tell me to "stay with me, now". He does this a lot with many things, with me, and for some reason it helps me stay present.

 

Slow and steady.

[Mz. Pixie]

Yeah, it was a bit of a trigger to be honest but I got through it.

 

Today I'm dealing with the fact that last night someone who I once considered a friend had her husband give me a obscene phone call and they had a good laugh about it.

 

WTF? At their anniversary dinner no less.

 

I knew he was, and he had some inappropriate things to say to me regarding my behavior around my divorce- which is not any of his business to begin with. And then he hung up on me.

 

She e mailed this morning to apologize. I refused to accept it and told her not to talk to me anymore. He was extremely out of line. This entire friendship has been toxic to me, including her going to my exhusband concerning details about my relationship with my new H. It's time to cut things off anyway with her but it pisses me off that she would be apologizing FOR HIM instead of him being a man and doing it himself.

 

I have tried to start my life over. I've made asked for forgiveness for what I did (the affair) and I moved 40 minutes away to have a fresh start with my H. We're in a new church, and I lost every friend I ever had. I think that's more than enough punishment for what I did. But yet he still thinks it's his place to hammer me about something that happened two years ago which was none of his business to start with!

 

And on their anniversary????

 

My H was so mad but I wouldn't release the number to him to call because I didn't want him to get arrested. But I will file charges against him should he call me ever again.

[blind_otter]

WTF? At their anniversary dinner no less.

 

Dude, that is sad. Obviously she has so little going on in her own (love) life that she has to interfere with yours!

[Becoming]

Dude, that is sad. Obviously she has so little going on in her own (love) life that she has to interfere with yours!

 

 

Really. And on their anniversary?!!? How sad when you think about it.

 

Glad to hear you're cutting that "friendship" out of your life! Way to go, taking charge of your life like that MzP. I like your spunk. Just because others want to swig out shame doesn't mean we have to drink it. You go, girl!

[Mz. Pixie]

Yeah, it's wierd. Part of me just wants to scream, "Those that are judging me have no idea where I've been"

 

For me, to be as lonely as I was, and not receiving affection was just something I couldn't tolerate, one day longer- which was why I had the A. I think it's all tied up in what I went through as a child and teen. I'm not saying that my A was okay because of what I've suffered but I think alot of those issues led to me being in that position.

 

That is why I want to fix things so that it never happens in this marriage. But I'd rather die, seriously, than ever experience that guilt again!

[Becoming]

Does current H understand how painful it is to you to experience that kind of neglect and that you'll probably never "just get over it?"

 

My H just came in and told me his contract at work is not going to be renewed for absolutely no reason except his work is threatening to the boss because it's too good and it makes the boss look bad. I told H the moment I met the man to watch his back because he was an insecure SOB underneath his smoothness. Sometimes it's a real burden to be so right all the time. :o This very same thing happened in his last job. He filed a grievance and was given a decent severence package, but bless his heart, a person just gets tired of all this s***.

[Mz. Pixie]

Does current H understand how painful it is to you to experience that kind of neglect and that you'll probably never "just get over it?"

 

My H just came in and told me his contract at work is not going to be renewed for absolutely no reason except his work is threatening to the boss because it's too good and it makes the boss look bad. I told H the moment I met the man to watch his back because he was an insecure SOB underneath his smoothness. Sometimes it's a real burden to be so right all the time. :o This very same thing happened in his last job. He filed a grievance and was given a decent severence package, but bless his heart, a person just gets tired of all this s***.

 

 

Yes, my current husband understands that neglect is a deal breaker for me. He finds it hilarious that I point blank told my exhusband that I would have an affair or leave him if he didn't start staying at home more and giving me a little attention. I honestly told him that, because I wanted to make sure he knew how serious I was.

 

I'm sorry about your husbands job. I can read people like you can too, like you read H's boss. It's a talent!

[Becoming]

. . . and a curse.

[enki]

Becoming, you are a gem!

 

After all your vivid description of the dreadful problems you had with your therapist examining your difficulty with your own feelings, you come out with beautifully considerate concern for mine!

 

"Enki, I hope it feels safe emotionally with the sharing here."

 

Thank you sincerely. Yes it does feel safe, but is it OK to take things little by little?

 

The Army saved my life. Suddenly here was this organization, which encouraged rather than belittled, whose discipline was rational and predictable, and administered (usually) with a sense of humour! They even paid me enough to leave my parents’ house and live near the uni so I could go through med school. (My scholarship didn’t provide a viable living allowance.) And all the Army expected in return was for us to defend Australia against “invasions” by the US 101st Airborne and the Marines. See, it was just like a Tooth Fairy in cammies!

 

Now, about this thing of us all living in our heads. Yes, even you MzP. You were quite right to say that you reacted to “not receiving affection” because of childhood troubles. To look for affection was the most intelligent rational thing anyone could do in the circumstances. Sensible girl: good for you. (And a mid-finger salute to any of your critics.)

 

All of us seem to have debased our feelings and emotions because as kids we found that what we felt was totally irrelevant to what happened. Our parents ignored our feelings and eventually we were brainwashed into ignoring them ourselves. But that didn’t make those feelings disappear. They just went into our unconscious and wandered about in there with no connection to rationality, so they went wild.

 

Thus, every time they are summoned to the surface, instead of turning up in a sophisticated elegant form, they jump out like savage neglected animals. No wonder they scare us. No wonder we put them back in their cages!

 

But if we do show them some respect by incorporating them into our daily lives, they eventually quieten down. Perhaps we all need to become “Wolf-whisperers?!”

 

BOt, you mentioned that weekly therapy is disruptive, and Becoming, you said that your therapist “asks me if I feel what she's saying.” Does it help if instead we ask, “How do you feel in response to what I’m saying?”

 

That allows the patient to explore, gently at first, and with the therapist’s help, the general feelings, then bring them down more and more to particulars. So we could say at first, “Confused, angry, whatever,” then after more practice use comparisons to modulate those primal feelings and emotions. All of us seem pretty keen on poetry, and we wouldn’t appreciate it unless it drew on something from our own emotions, so we must have those finer feelings inside us already in order to respond to what the poets are writing about.

 

There is an interesting website at

 

http://www.typelogic.com

 

which describes the four ways of using the brain, (thinking, feeling, sensation and intuition) and how different types of people prefer using one or more of them.

 

What you, MzP and Becoming, were describing as the talent or curse of being able to read people is an example of “Intuitive Feeling.” All four of us probably learned that at first as a survival skill hoping we could anticipate parental behaviour. It can now be an extremely useful way of assessing many situations in the world. It can also be another method to approach our own feeling functions.