Cheated on, forgave, not getting any effort! (Long)

[Justin_c]

Hey everybody. I posted my problems here awhile back about my girlfriend of over 2 years who started thinking about seeing other people. Unfortunately, all of the reasons she shoveled me were total lies and my instincts and the advice here was correct. We never really broke up, she slept around with this other guy for about 3 months then calls me, we hang out and I take her back. Stupid me, I forgave her and its past me but one thing that has always bothered me was that she never really tried or put in any effort get me back. I was just a desperate sap and she knew that. I have never really detected any remorse, just embarassment about being caught. Well, I got over all of that. So here we are now. We have left what happened in the past (When I found out what was going on I hooked up with a couple girls, not my proudest moment but whatever) and I'm really trying to make this work. I love her insanely. When we talk and hang out its wonderful. She really is a great girl but there are some things that REALLY disturb me. First of all, she always places these double standards. For instance, she goes and gets drunk with her friends and parties, okay no problem we both need our own social lives and I totally advocate that and respect that. All I ask if that she calls me at the end of the night to let me know shes okay. Well, i dont even get that and if I bring it up at all, she hangs up on me and says im being over sensitive and wont talk to me for a day. Okay, a little overreacting in my opinion but whatever, I just dont even have her call me when she parties anymore, I can deal with that (Im not the jealous type despite what happened, i really just want to make sure she doesnt drive drunk and is safe). Well, when I am getting ready to go party with my friends she throws a huge fit and talks about how I dont need to be drinking and how its bad for me...hmm okay, thats true but finals are over and I just wanna chill with my guy friends and enjoy ourselves before we go our seperate ways during break. She calls me while im out, bitches me out, hangs up on me then doesnt talk to me for about 24 hours. I approach her and say I dont appreciate the fact that she lays these double standards down. She then says "you're being oversensitive, if you cant handle who I am then just break up with me". Huh? Thats not who she is, its how she acts and handles confrontation. I love who she is, i just hate how she can do certain things and I cant. That she can bitch me out and ignore me but if I even try to express a concern I have (I do so in a calm matter, never when Im angry. Dad always taught me to treat women with respect ), I get the third degree. I dont know what to do, I think this relationship is just doomed. I am honestly putting forth a good honest effort without being all super clingly and whiney. Seriously, I've put the cheating and lying behind me and I just want the problems now to be fixed. It just seems that she isnt trying, maybe doesnt want to. But at the same time, she still tells me how she wants to marry me soon and how wonderful everything is blah blah blah. But in truth, I'm unhappy a lot of the time and it doesnt seem like she wants to make it work. Bah, sorry this was so long, just needed to get this out, thanks.

 

Justin