Cheated on, forgave/forget but no remorse from my gf

[Justin_c]

First of all, let me say that the advice here is very sound. You all are very caring and give very good and structured opinions. Also let me go on record and say that if you have an instinct/gut feeling (as long as ur not a paranoid jealous type) its probably right!! That being said:

 

My girlfriend of over 2 years cheated on me with some navy guy for about 3 months. They kinda dated, kissed, he would stay at her place and of course they had sex. I found out all of this through her best friend who finally couldnt stand what she was doing to me and told me what was going on. After approaching my girlfriend about this and told her how I knew, she finally confessed. Now, I can admit, I got back with her a little quickly. I forgave her, and we've moved on (been back together since the end of october). Now, this guy had to go out to sea (hes in the navy remember) for a couple weeks and that was about the time her and I got back together. This other guy has just ignored her since just before that time. Is that why she got back with me? I have this feeling that she would still be with this guy if he did still contact her, that she just 'feel back' on me. Also, she never really expressed sorrow or remorse to me for what she did. I had to like ask her to apologize to me....that doesnt seem right. I'm the forgiving type and maybe overly trusting and maybe my love for her is blinding me as it did before. It was predicted by you kind people here what was going to happen and my instincts agreed but my heart wouldnt let me believe it. I just want to ask for your take on the matter, maybe she still messes around with him? She found this guy very attractive and she would do stuff for him in bed that she never even did for me....I dunno, its just good to get a 3rd person perspective on things since its hard to see clearly when you're the one in question. Thanks for your time.

 

Justin

[reservoirdog1]

Remorse from a cheating partner is an absolute must for reconciliation. Her apparent lack of it gives you tons of information about her character, honour, morals, and trustworthiness.

 

I don't necessarily hone to the view "once a cheater, always a cheater" -- but if she's not displaying any remorse, I'll bet you a pound to a pinch of sh*t that she'll cheat again.

 

Her remorse should be automatic -- not something you have to ASK her for. To be blunt, I'd dump her and find somebody with a conscience.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I am sorry but it seems like you are the doorprize. You have been with this girl for two years and she dates a navy guy for 3 months behind your back and has sex with him at her place? You would have to be out of your mind to be with her. She has shown you what she thinks about your relationship. She did not confess and had to be caught. I hope you have been checked for STD's. She shows no remorse and you feel if she could she would be back with this guy. Why do you devalue yourself like this? You should want to be with a woman who can truly love and respect you which this woman has shown that she neither loves nor respect you or your relationship. It is bad enough that she has no respect for you and put your health at risk for at least 3 months screwing this guy behind your back. It is truly sad that you yourself feel you deserve so little. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[Weye]

If she shows no remorse, then she has probably justified the situation to herself in one way or another. It sounds like she takes you for granted. When someone is taken for granted in a relationship, things end up getting ugly.

 

Be smart. Leave her. Find a new girl.

 

Y

[sparticuss]

Remorse from a cheating partner is an absolute must for reconciliation. .

 

You have an interesting point there Resivour. Remorse from a cheating PARTNER.

 

This girl is not a live in gf. He may consider her his gf but I wonder what her attitude is. I know plenty of girls who date various guys at the same time, both with and without sex, simply because they havent made up their minds between then yet.

 

These girls do not apologise for "cheating" but they don't call any one bf a "pertner" either.

 

That may be her view of the situation.

 

In which case the poor guy is still being led up the garden path. He needs to braorden his social circle some and look towards several more gf's

[Cecelius]

I don't see why you would have forgiven her in the first place, when she didn't even have the guts to tell you herself. Further, to be honest, it is highly likely that she has less respect for you now than she did when she was cheating on you -- the only way you can cure her of this is to dump her and then she will know what happens when you cheat.