Big Change

[big_girls_rock]

I posted not too long ago on how I didn't feel I was attractive because guys never paid me any attention and since that post I re-located to a new state, found employment, got to spend time with myself, new friends, confidence, social life- and men. I found that there was nothing wrong with me at all but I just needed a huge change. Now all of these guys are comming at me out of nowhere and since I havn't had a bf in so long I don't necessarly know how to handle all of this. Its kind of like the day little boys notice boobs on a 11 yr. old girl! The fact of the matter is that I just want more friends and to widen my social circle but instead Im getting the wrong attention. Yes I like the attention in a way but where its comming from is confusing. Now for those wondering, I don't put myself out there like a skank or anything- yeah I flirt a little but nothing too strong, Im the nice girl type but I like to joke around also so I don't see what Im doing to attract all of these guys. All I want is platonic friendships! Now Im a very up-front person, some of you may be thinking- well why don't you just let them know before things get worse but I do state that- Anyone have a clue whats going on?

[Outcast]

Are you a fairly happy, cheery person?

[big_girls_rock]

Very, that may be the thing- but its my personality- and I know people gravitate towards happy people but its still all new to me- I just need to know how to deal with it all.

[Outcast]

You look it from your picture. I have the same problem. I haven't found too many ways out of it. I hate it but I end up having to shut down the cheery and happy and be sort of pleasantly reserved with people.

 

I asked a similar question recently here. You might be interested in some of the answers I got.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t76917/

[big_girls_rock]

Thanks for that- I read your link and it still only goes so far. I mean really- Im guessing the only way to keep it at a t friends only relationship is to just tell them upfront. I mean the idea of having a boyfriend sounds nice and I admit I do like these guys but part of the problem is choosing which one. And well the other thing is trying to keep all of it at a friendship level because Im not sure Im ready for a relationship- but thanks for the link it really gave me an insight on my situation. Though to give back to you I don't hink you should stop being the happy person that you are just to stop men from gravitating towards you- you should never stop being who you are.

[Outcast]

Im guessing the only way to keep it at at friends only relationship is to just tell them upfront.

That's pretty much what everyone was telling me but in my experience, that doesn't even deter some of them. Still, it's worth a try. You might find you have to tell some of them more than once.

 

Though to give back to you I don't hink you should stop being the happy person that you are just to stop men from gravitating towards you- you should never stop being who you are.

Thanks! I don't plan to make it a permanent change; I just shut it off when I'm around the people I'm trying to discourage.

[barfool]

I'm glad to hear that your change in location is working well for you!

 

As far as the man problem, I think that it is very difficult to find guys that are willing to be "just friends" and who do not have an ulterior motive. The only actual guy friends I have I met through other friends. It's sad, really, but guys are so driven by their sexual urges that it seems to prevent them from meeting a woman on a "friends" level. This is in general, I'm sure there are exceptions.