grace2005 Posted December 17, 2005 Share Posted December 17, 2005 As you can see my versions of NC are less restrictive and more liberal than the common theme of "no contact at all under any circumstances period!" It has worked for me to get my ex gf back 1 month ago. Enjoy! A. Strict N/C= If your ex broke up with you and they are seeing someone else or if you still have feelings for them or if your goal is to just move on and get over them, then no contact would mean not initiating any contact with them as well as not responding at all to any contact they may initiate with you. B. Strict N/C until ex initiates contact= If your ex broke up with you and you still want them back then that means no contact with them at all until they get in touch with you (if they do). Otherwise any form of contact you initiate will give them the impression that you are challenging their decision and have not accepted that the relationship is terminated! Stay away and wait for a call. Decide how long you'll play the waiting game because they may never call you. C. Reduced Contact (ex initiates contact)= If your ex has been initiating contact with you and you still want them back or if you are ok with just being friends for the time being then no contact would mean calling them 1 time for every 3 times they call you. This is just to signal to them that the door is still open. You may initiate contact but make sure they are initiating contact more than you. Your calls should be at the most 15% and theirs should be at least 85% D. Regular Contact (without talking about relationship issues)= If the two of you have reached enough emotional stability to talk on a friendship basis then it's ok to have regular contact but don't talk about the relationship or prospects of getting back together. Don't talk about the past. Make sure you can control your emotions 100%. Remember it has to be the ex's idea since it was their idea to break up in the first place. If they bring up topics related to the relationship then that is your opportunity to talk about your feelings. E. No Physical Contact(beyond hugging)= if your ex says she wants to try again and if you still want her back then let her in slowly. Don't jump back into bed right away. It's best to not have any physical contact beyond hugging early on. If you are interested in keeping the fire burning then taking it slow is a good idea. She will want more of you later. If the temptations are too strong then the next procedure would apply: F. PHTG= Playing Hard to Get= Early on in reconciliation if your ex was the dumper then he/she should be the one to initiate most of the contact. Gradually get the calls and contacts down to 50/50. Early on it's good for the dumpee to start off at 30% calling and let the dumper initiate calls 70% of the time. That is what I did. I would wait 4 to 5 days before calling my ex girlfriend. G. Strict NC (revenge)= If after you two have reconciled and you have found yourself dealing with resentmet for your ex leaving you in the first place then break things off and go into strict NC mode. Let them feel the pain they've caused you. They have to live with the consequences of dumping you. If for some reason they contact you ignore them. This is where I am as some of you may not know. I ended my relationship with my ex thursday night over the phone. I still want to be friends with her. I didn't tell her I would go NC but I'm ignoring her until she either begs and chases me down. H. Strict NC (healing from the dumper's perspective)= This would be the case where you cut all contact from all women completely to get use to the idea of being single. That is what I'm doing myself. I'm also doing it to finally heal and forget about my ex. I want to erase her from my memory. I've already boxed up everything that reminds me of her. You should do the same as well or you'll prolong the healing process. It hurts to be the dumper or dumpee. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 Call me the simple type: NC = No Contact. None. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 18, 2005 Author Share Posted December 18, 2005 It has been 50 hours of NC so far. I'm still pretty messed up tonight! We'll see what happens tomorrow! I'm going to pig out for the rest of the year and start my diet plan after the first of the year. How about that? NC is like fasting. I'm going through a detoxification process to get my ex out of my soul. After the first of the year I'm going on a 5 day fast where I drink nothing but lots of water. I'm going to walk briskly 3 miles every 2 days. My body needs detoxification as well. I'm reading back over dreamguy's threads again. Good thing I found this website at askjeeves.com I turned myself into loveshack last night for my behavior on here. So the admins may be kicking me off this site soon. We'll see what happens! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 18, 2005 Author Share Posted December 18, 2005 I read the book "classic christianity" by bob george. You can order it at http://www.realanswers.net Life's too short to miss the real thing. It costs about 10$ Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Author Share Posted December 19, 2005 I just got in from a walk tonight. I'm getting back into walking for exercise. I'm taking a break now and working on my abdominal muscles later. It's so easy to gain weight and so hard to lose i at my age. I'm in my mid 20s. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Author Share Posted December 19, 2005 I know I'll reap some reward for self improvement eventually whether I remain single or not. I'm not looking for my soulmate anymore. She'll have to be the one to approach me and even if she does I'll walk away. Exercise is just one form of self improvement. I want to look more attractive but at the same time signal to the women that they can't have me! Link to post Share on other sites
gordon_gc Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Alrit, I have a question regarding NC and how to apply it in my case... My exgf broke up with me about 1 1/2 months ago. During, that time, I can openly say i screwed it up by trying to show her we still had a chance, etc...etc... Also, the main purpose of keeping in touch with her was the fact that I wanted her to come to my graduation ceremony (it was important for me). She always told me she would be part of it. Anyway, 14 dec...graduation day, No contact from her, I am like a kid waiting for his parents to show up at an end of the year play...She never showed up, called me right before the ceremony but obviously couldnt talk to her so I asked her to call me back later. I actually felt really upset and angry about her behavior. She called me twice that 14 dec, I never answered. She called again 3 times since then but never answered. I still want to get back with her and dont know if i should answer her call or just stick to my guns and cut contact 'til she said to me "I'am sorry or something like that".... dont know how to apply NC !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t42613/ Here is the thread by dreamguy on which is better? No contact or reduced contact? It is over a year old but I figure I'd get everyone's opinion on this and why? I agree with mrbubbles comments on the thread Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts