Flip Flop Update

[Dumbass]

OK well it's over.

 

She called me today, spoke all about her huge fight with the people that offered her free housing, and how she left, and then spilled all sorts of toxic ranting about them at me....then said she had to go to the bank etc...Didnt even ask how I was or anything, just vented, and she was gettin out of dodge...

 

So I couldnt take it anymore, and I said "Hey. We have to talk. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I know that you havent told me the whole truth about things, and so, I want to tell you a few things that I think you may have misunderstood, but I dont even know if it's the issue or not since you havent really told me anything except that 'it's nothing you did' and 'i still have eyes for you' and 'i gotta get my **** together...could take years, so fly, be free'"

 

I told her about the jealousy thing, and how it was just cos of that particular situation. I also told her that I didnt mean to scare her with my intensity, but just that i wanted her to know that I didnt take her for granted.

 

She then BLEW UP....She finally said what was on her mind...

 

Apparently, she thinks I'm a very very jealous person because she doesn't think that rolling round playfighting and wrestling with that dude while ignoring me for 3 hrs was anything for me to get fazed by...

 

She also took my concern about her partying and spending the night with him at his apt. as an accusation, when i very clearly said that it wasnt an accusation, but rather a fear.

 

So she thinks I'm super jealous because of that...

 

Also, she says I'm a super angry person (I never yell at her or anything, although I got annoyed at her when I asked her a question, and she just ignored me. I kinda said a few minutes after "gee it makes me feel really awkward when people ignore me).....

 

Once when we were in bed together, she was well...giving me one of those "hand things", and it just wasnt doin it...She had been bragging about her oral skills for so long, but hadnt done it, and I asked her if she wouldnt mind showing me....She got SUPER pissed I guess....Started asking me all these questions about what i like and dont like, but it was kinda more "interview" style, not pillow talk, and it was kinda killin the mood, so I whispered to her "Let's talk more about this later....Now, just kiss me"....She apparently took that as a "shut up", which it totally wasn't!!! She then said that her first thought when i suggested she "go down" was "isn't what i'm giving you now enough???"

 

She then got dressed, which i thought was really uncool cos it basically closes the door on things...

 

Anyway, so she got super pissed at me, started totally flipping, yelling, and telling me I was a jealous person and an angry person...She also said I needed to have tons of attention because one night I came over, and instead of the usual "jump into my arms" greeting, she was like "i'm not here", and kinda ran off....I wasnt sure if she was playing or what, so I go in, talk to her parents (who LOVE me) for like 20 minutes...She comes in and out of the room, but never really acknowledges me...then she grabs one of the parent's friends, and is off talking to her for like 20 more minutes....So she hasn't said hello or anything to me in 40 minutes....So I pass by them to go smoke a cig....She says on the phone today that it was sooo obvious that i needed to have her attention because i passed by them.....

 

I mean, yeah, I was kinda passing by them to show "hey! i'm here", but it wasnt this "waah waah" baby stuff....It was just that 40 minutes into the visit and no hello, no nothing, i was feeling a bit weird...

 

I don't get it....I am a communicative person, not an angry one....She, on the other hand, hasnt been able to let it go that some 22 year old idiot backed out of a marraige proposal...She still rants and rants and rants about it on her journal....When she's not ranting about anything and everything else (she kinda has the style of a 12 year old kid who talks about "i'd like to cut their d*cks off and mix em with used tampons and feed em to their friends" type juvenile stuff...That in itself is pretty weird for a 24 year old girl....)

 

Sure, i get annoyed sometimes, like everyone, but I never make a big issue or fight out of it! I communicate like an intelligent adult....

 

Problems were made for solving, I say....

 

Anyway, it ended so badly....And I guess that's it....

 

I guess this is where I wanted to arrive, since I had a feeling if I kept "waiting", I would just have gone crazy...I knew that there was something missing from the truth, and I'm at least glad it came out...I only wish it had come out either a)at the time it occurred or b)when she decided to leave....telling me she has eyes for me but that she needs time to get her **** together is just too weird....Oh yeah, and she was on match.com last night....go f-in figure.....She told me she didn't have internet access....

 

Well, at least its closure....

[Winger]

This girl sounds looped my friend. Honestly, I would be just as jealous or more if my girlfriend was wrestling with some other guy and ignoring me. First of all, it's inconsiderate because it makes you look foolish for standing around while some dude and your girl are being playful. Second, it's flirtacious. Unless they are brother/sister or cousins or best friends since pre-school, I say that wrestling seems inappropriate at this age. That's just me. I wouldn't do it with another girl in front of my girlfriend because I respect her.

 

And she just sounds childish...it's not like you crossed the line when you asked her to "go downstairs". She could have just said she didn't feel like it. My advice is to forget her because she's a drama queen and will only bring you problems. There are a lot of normal, down-to-earth women out there...forget the ones that haven't dropped the high-school mentality. Man I hate immature girls.

[Dumbass]

Yeah me too....I guess after a track record of really abusive women (and yeah, CaliGuy, actually when I meet these girls, I usually am flying quite high - happy with myself, feeling confident, lotsa successes in life, etc), I do feel a bit confused when it comes to believing that what they're telling me is true or not...It's hard when you've never had anyone "hold on" to you....It always seems that as soon as the littlest chink in the armour is exposed, they drop me, no matter how hard they were swooning before...

 

That's what's tough about self-respect etc...It just seems that no matter how firm I hold my ground, or explain the situation, they just go "f you" and i'm gone....Nevermind that they have a million considerations to ask (don't say this expression cos it reminds me of my abuser, etc), and I honour them, but if I need one little thing, like a simple hug to put their wrestling into balance, it's like I'm asking them to part the Red Sea, and they pronounce me some kind of leper, and leave...

 

How can one feel a sense of self-worth when nobody has ever shown that they would give a gram of effort to understand you?

 

I'm not as much of a nutcase as I may seem from my messages, I guess I'm just not good at this "straight back tell-em to piss off" thing cos my dad was a real verbally abusive, mean, aloof guy, and I see that it destroyed our family...I just wanna have a mature relationship that involves communication and problem solving...Cheating, lying, deception, of course can't easily be solved with just a quick talk, but things like her worried that I'm a "jealous guy" versus having a valid point about the situation should be able to be worked out with a short discussion...

 

I read on one of these threads that some woman had a guy who was "jealous" and through a quick chat, discovered that he wasnt "jealous" as much as afraid that the other dude would take her away....She then said she felt so relieved to find out thats all it was..The issue was dealt with, and then they moved on together...

 

Why don't any of the girls I meet seem to think I'm worth that? After they've given me roses, told me how much they love me, and told me that they wanna have a deep relationship with me?

 

But yeah...Your comment about that she's loopy is what I kinda need to dwell on....

 

Any girls out there who appreciate intelligence and realize that there's a big difference between a dickhead and someone who just has some nervousness due to past experiences? The difference between a jealous guy, and a guy who's rightly uncomfortable with a particularly risque situation?

 

I just feel myself slipping away....I dont wanna be a bitter old man, alone, cos he was too nice and couldn't play "the game" well...

[omegaRED]

Like i said in the other thread, i`d give both a serious thrashing if they tried to pull that kind of s***. And i`m not the jealous type. She`s stepping way over the line... to quote Joey Tribiani "You are so far over the line, you can`t see the line. The line is a dot to you."

 

Do not spend another valuable second of your life thinking about a, well, IMHO, mental person. Sorry for being blunt, but she has a very twisted view of the world and relationships in particular.

 

Be glad it`s over.

 

(I`ll post more tommorow, i gotta get some sleep)

[Craig]

...Nevermind that they have a million considerations to ask (don't say this expression cos it reminds me of my abuser, etc), and I honour them...

And therein lies the problem. What do you think?

[Clevelandfan]

Women don't have guy friends,...Period.

 

Unless,....they are gay men.

 

Now,..I know I'm gonna get a lot of sh*t from the women on this board, but men who are "just friends" with women are either trying to phuk them or have phuked them before in the past and want to again. Sorry to be so blunt. Guys don't need women "friends",..they have male friends. They don't waste there time with women, especially attractive young women unless they are somehow romatically involved or want to be. Just the way it is.

[Craig]

Women don't have guy friends,...Period.

 

Unless,....they are gay men.

And you know this how?

[Dumbass]

Yeah, I appreciate all the feedback....It's really helpful to me cos, as I mentioned, my dad was a bit of a dickhead, and so not only did I only have him as an example of what *not* to do, but I find myself clearing the path as I walk it, so I'm not sure if what I feel is valid...Having a rabid chick yelling at ya only helps to put yourself in self-doubt, since I am not following any example, but rather my heart and concience..

 

Weird bit about this last communication with her is that despite my efforts to tell her that she had misunderstood what i'd said, for instance, about the "Don't speak, let's talk about this later...Now, kiss me"...I let her know that I wasn't saying "shut up", but that it just wasnt the perfect time for a big big convo about it, but we would later....I mean, damn, I said it in a nice way the first time...But no, according to her, I am full of crap and must be used to dealing with idiots (sadly, I am)....It's like, her perception of things are final, and there will be no further discussion...What the hell can you do with someone like that?

 

Actually, its funny, in another "argument" when she was being pretty disagreeable during an attempt to turn psychotic staring into a kiss (she was staring at me for like 2 minutes, and i sweetly asked her what she thought, and she kept giving me ambiguous, dead-end answers, so I told her she wasnt being too cooperative, to which she replied "Are we in school? are you the teacher and I'm the student?!?! no we are NOT!")....Yeah, this was like 2 hours after the rose and the ILY....

[J dub]

and she was gettin out of dodge..

Oh man how weird, I just learned today what this saying means. Otherwise I'd have just looked right past it. Too strange.

 

Anyway.

 

She crossed the line and I loved how omegaRED broke it down to you. Shes got some issues deeper than anything you want to get tied into.

 

This, my friend, is what we call a blessing in disguise

 

Hang in there, it wont be difficult to meet someone far better (not that you NEED someone, but you know)...

[Dumbass]

Aaargh....Woke up this morning and am in the "self-blame" mindset.... I believe that she is a bit screwy too, but now I'm going over and over in my head what I may have done that was so uncool....

 

I dunno, I look back, and yeah, I suppose in being totally fair, maybe I wasn't perfect when I did this or did that...I tried to communicate to her that during this month we spent every waking moment together, I was only getting 2 hours of sleep, and so after 3 weeks, maybe I was twitchier than normal, as in, maybe letting little things bug me (briefly) whereas they wouldnt if I wasnt so spent....But really, when I look back, I don't see anything I did that was a capital offence....I mean, yeah I guess I'm being this way cos truth be told, i have felt weird when she was so flip-flop about things like sex (one minute she's on top of me grabbing my dong, giving me like 10 HUGE hickeys all over my body, and telling me about how she's horny, sucking my fingers etc etc, and then suddenly stopping, and kinda rebuffing subsequent kisses etc, and telling me that the reason she stopped was cos it was apparent that I was "wanting it"), and so I might have felt weird after days of that and not been the MOST sunny person at all times, or like how I maybe wasn't terribly terribly happy when, we would be sitting on desk chairs in her room, kissing, and when I'd suggest that we go over to the sofa so we can get more comfortable, and so I could actually embrace her...She'd say no, because that "leads to things"....OK well that's a bit strange, but what makes it really strange is that we had already spent so many nights making out, fooling around on the sofa, even sleeping there together....

 

Or hearing about all the sexual adventures she's had, and then getting rebuffed, or even, one night we were in her bed, fooling round, and she "felt" a condom in my pocket...Dunno, but she knew it was a condom, and then she got all weird and was like "you were planning on sleeping with me!", but it was just like, I was being prepared for what could happen....I dunno....I don't think it was a huge crime, but it made for weirdness...I kinda felt like she thought I was this bastard for it....

 

The thing about her not greeting me, even 40 minutes after I had been there was also weird, but that night, she was all wrapped up in the fact that she'd have to tell her roommate/lover (she says he was just sex, but her blog suggests differently) that she was moving 3 hrs away, and that we were together....It was on her mind when we arrived, and the later when the family went to sleep, I suggested we go chill on the sofa and smooch for a little while....She said no....She had to go to sleep....So I get home, and she starts IMing me, telling me about how she's talking to him on the phone and he's crying, etc....She took all night to do it...Was IMing me while she was on the phone with him, and I was trying to give support....Why? I have no idea, but I was trying to help her with it...Heh...and this roommate guy is the same guy that left her stranded 3-4 hours from home with no ride (they had gone somewhere together, and he got up in a bunch and drove all the way home without her, stranding her....2 months later, they were screwing each other...)

 

It was breaking my balls a little bit to hear her SO distraught over having to do this (she wound up only telling him she was moving, not about us..because she was so concerned he would hurt himself or something)...She even said at one point that she was sad that she couldn't have just been a little more patient with the fact that he was not intelligent, and it could have worked.....

 

I dunno...This kinda stuff makes me twitchy....So if I was a little weirded out by this, I don't think that that's much an action as a reaction...

 

Damn, I'm babbling....But I guess I'm just searching for stuff to blame on myself.... I may not have been *perfect*, but I really do believe that anything I may have done was not even close to being something that would require a "no discussion, just judge and amputate" type of action on her part..

 

I guess I'm still trying to figure out why I was *so* harshly judged and dealt with...Just doesnt make sense that she would rather just cut me, this special guy she was in love with, off, rather than talk to me about it....