So confused by my best friend

[roxie_x]

Sorry if this isn't really a new topic here but I have to get this off my chest right now before I go insane!

 

Might be a bit of a long story...

 

I met my best friend a year and a half ago through working on some music tracks with him. When I first met him, I wasn't overly fussed about him personality wise but after spending a few days with him we got on so well! Our friendship grew and grew over the next month or so and we gradually spent most of our time together having the most fun i've ever had in my life!

 

He has a girlfriend who he just started seeing when he met me, a couple of months in he told me he liked me and I said I just saw him as a friend and to shut up because he had a girlfriend. I had also just finished with my boyfriend and couldn't even think about being with anyone else as my relationship hadn't been the best and I didn't want a boyfriend and certainly not him as a boyfriend!

 

I always had more of a relationship with him than his girlfriend, we were togther most of the time, we'd tell each other everything but obviously nothing sexual was going on.

 

If you would have asked me 6 months ago if I found him attractive i'd have laughed! I saw him as a brother type figure! Everyone was convinced something was going on and it never did... for the first year of our relationship I was still not fully over my ex... he's listen to me talk about it and how hard it was for me and would always make me feel better.

 

While he was at university I'd go down and stay with him and meet all the people he was sleeping with behind his girlfriends back. I know that makes him sound like a complete idiot, and he was because I would be devastated if someone cheated on me, but he was my friend so I still didn't think any less of him... I'd just tell him how out of order he was being! I never felt jealous of the girls he went with, it didn't bother me at all.

 

In the last 5 months, everything has changed, everything has gone so wrong.

 

First he started asking me what I was thinking when I was with him all the time, things felt a little bit weird but I wasn't sure why. This continued for a while and then I went away for a few days with him flat hunting. We had the usual laugh but one night we got a bit closer, and then the next night, closer again untill eventually things started happening.

 

I'd never ever felt anything towards him other than friendship, he was the most important person to me because he was my best friend. All of a sudden I started having feelings for him in a totally different way.

 

Obviously I felt guilty because he'd not only cheated on his girlfriend again but this time it was with me and that went against everything morally I believe in. He knew how strongly I felt about it and so I thought he had feelings for me too other wise he would never have put me in that position. I had only slept with one person before him and he knew what a big deal sex was to me. This guy knows me inside out, he knows how I am... he acted like he really liked me... thats why I ended up sleeping with him because I felt something back...

 

Sex wasn't akward with him, it was brillient! It didn't feel odd afterwards. I never had him down as the affectionate type but he really really was with me! He hugged me like no one has ever done before, he'd lay there holding my hand and stroking my hair... he'd wrap himself round me really tight and it was amazing... I didn't think we would ever be THAT close! We were never friends that touched each other or even flirted! All these little things again made me think he liked me!

 

After that, things between us would be normal, then a bit weird and this continued for a while. We never really spoke about it too much untill I told him I liked him. He said nothing.

 

After that things were really akward because I felt s***!!!! We sorted it out but things never fully went back to how they were. One day he asked me when I started having feelings for him and I told him that I thought I had feelings for him but I actually didn't and I must have been confused. I thought this would make things better between us because although I thought he liked me, I asumed I scared him saying I like him!

 

This only made him more distant with me!

 

We hadn't slept with each other for 3 months but last week, it happened again. We'd had a chat about us being friends and how much we meant to each other and then he started kissing me. One thing lead to another and again, I took it as a sign that he does have feelings for me.... but now we're not really speaking again. We never spend anytime with each other but when we do its normal, when I see him again, you have to start at square one again!!!!

 

DOES HE LIKE ME? All the other people he's slept with he'd fine with and still speaks to them after! But with me, he cut me out. He's never been faithful but once he slept with me he said he'd never cheat again and started to see his girlfriend properly for the first time in their relationship. This lasted all of a couple of weeks and he's sleeping with someone else too. Him and his girlfriend are having problems (as usual) but this time it might end...

 

I know he sounds like a complete idiot but there is so much good in him, I've seen a side to him no one else has. He's the funnist, most talented, most amazing person but I can't get to the issue with him.

 

I know I must sound like a complete looser but I just can't help feeling that he does have some feelings for me other wise he wouldn't act like this. He can get sex anytime he wants and he'd made a point of staying away from me untill the other night.

 

Any idea whats going on????????????????????? I know how I feel, I know I could end up loving him which is hard for me to believe in itself. I just feel so hurt and let down by him. I know I shouldn't want to be with someone like him but as I said, he's not all bad, I know him differently...