Am I Reading The Situation Wrong?

[seanryann]

I got to know this girl at school quite well over the last three months. We had one class together this semester, and always sat beside each other, worked on assignments with each other, studied as a pair, hung out between classes, went to lunch, etc.

 

Over the weeks, my feelings for her changed, and I looked at her as more than just a friend. Our attempts to study together ended up as just us sitting around talking and hanging out. We playfully touched each others arms here and there, I'd compliment her and she'd say "wow, I feel so special" and I'd reply with something like "You should. You are special". She'd smile and blush.

 

Our friends, and even just guys in our class noticed something too. They began commenting on the two of us. From "So, are you two dating yet?" to "You two should just get a room and do it already". It's been constant for a few weeks.

 

Our conversations began kind of reserved, as we didn't know each other well; then progressed to very friendly, but lately, while we're still comfortable talking with each other, it seems like there is a bit of awkwardness. It's as if we know one of us should address the whole situation, but neither wants to. It feels like we're pussyfooting around something. Talking with her is completely different than converstions with other girls I know.

 

Perhaps the thing that I've noticed most is the way we look at each other. When we make eye contact, it isn't just a simple glance. Whenever our eyes meet, we both tend to hold it longer than "normal". I don't make eye contact with anyone else like I do with her, and I don't notice her doing it either. When we are together with a group of people, we are simply friendly with each other, but things change when it's just the two of us. I feel like we act more "close" to each other when it's just the two of us. We'll sit close, and share a sandwich, for example.

 

My problem is this: I really like her. But I am worried that if I tell her how I feel, things between us will become awkward if she says no. I don't want to ruin things between us. I don't want to lose her as a friend(that, and we have three classes together starting in Jan). Not telling her has been killing me. I'm not worried about her saying "no". I can handle that. I'm more worried about ruining things between us.

 

What do you guys and girls think? I know it's hard to judge this on just a few examples I've given you, but going on what I mentioned, am I reading this whole thing wrong? I get the feeling she feels the same way, but maybe it's just a case of love clouding my judgement.

[Lucasarts]

this seriously sounds like my situation

 

but if i were u, its obvious that u two like each other enuff to start going out. its obvious b/c :

a) ur friends notice the chemistry and have commmented on it

b) you two obviously click

c) ur conversations are much more...intimate

d) ur pussyfooting around something, which is obviously the attraction between you two.

 

but thats my opinion

[seanryann]

Lucas, thanks for your thoughts. I think we have tendency to second-guess ourselves in a situation like this. Maybe the signs are all there, but we question whether we're reading the whole thing wrong (even though more likely than not, we're right on).

 

Tough place to be in. Lucas, good luck with your situation, and I really apreciate your comments.

[Craig]

Without getting into the verbal discussion of what is going on why not just continue the escalation of affection and see where it goes? Instead of having a talk with her that may be too much too soon.

[seanryann]

Without getting into the verbal discussion of what is going on why not just continue the escalation of affection and see where it goes? Instead of having a talk with her that may be too much too soon.

 

Yeah, it's a definate possibility. The thing is, I feel like I need to tell her. I feel like the last three or so months have been the "escalation" phase. I'm not sure how much more it can escalate before we max out. We can only go so far as "just friends" can't we? I feel like at some point, one of us has to say something. I don't think she's the kind of girl to say it, so it will have to be me. That, and I think I might go crazy if I don't say something soon.

 

But Craig, thanks for your thoughts. I will absolutely take them into consideration.

[Conspire]

I agree with Craig.

 

See where it goes. It sounds like it is progressing good. Don't hesitate to come back if you need further help.

 

Cheers!

[seanryann]

I agree with Craig.

 

See where it goes. It sounds like it is progressing good. Don't hesitate to come back if you need further help.

 

Cheers!

 

How will I know when it's time to "make the move"? What if we stop progressing, and stall where we are?

 

The reason I ask is because I wonder if we've already gotten as far as we can with our current situation.

[barfool]

I would say the point where you have escalated far enough is perhaps if you have been going out alone, though not on official "dates." It would be a good idea to just wait and see, but if you feel that you must say something then why not?

 

I think people tend to be too frightened with the possibility of losing a friend. If they are really a good friend then even if they don't share similar romantic feelings they will not let your confession ruin anything you had. Unless, of course, your confession is too emotional or over-the-top.

[seanryann]

I would say the point where you have escalated far enough is perhaps if you have been going out alone, though not on official "dates." It would be a good idea to just wait and see, but if you feel that you must say something then why not?

 

I think people tend to be too frightened with the possibility of losing a friend. If they are really a good friend then even if they don't share similar romantic feelings they will not let your confession ruin anything you had. Unless, of course, your confession is too emotional or over-the-top.

 

Thanks for your thoughts. Making sure the confession isn't too over the top is something I have been making sure I watch. I don't want it to be too much. Just say what I want to say and nothing more.

[barfool]

Since you are unsure of how she feels, rather than having a confession like "I have feelings for you," just say "why don't we go on a date, I know a really great restaurant." This way you are not overwhelming her from early on.

[seanryann]

Since you are unsure of how she feels, rather than having a confession like "I have feelings for you," just say "why don't we go on a date, I know a really great restaurant." This way you are not overwhelming her from early on.

 

I've thought about that approach. The thing is, it seems like we're past that stage. If this was a couple months ago, I'd go that route, but we've been out to eat together-as friends.

 

All I know is I'm confused.

[seanryann]

A little update for what it's worth. I told my friend how I felt about her yesterday. I don't think she felt the same way. But I have no regrets. We're still friends, and if anything, I think she was flattered that I thought that way about her.

 

I didn't ask her out. I told her I had something important to talk to her about, and let her know my feelings. She said she thougth I was really nice, and really special, but I'm sure it was just because that's what I had told her. She didn't bring it up today, and I asked her if I had made myself clear during our talk yesterday. She said she understood what I was getting at. And she left it at that. I've taken her silence as a "no".

 

But like I said, no regrets. We'll continue to be friends and hang out. Who knows, maybe I'll grow on her over the weeks. I won't wait for that to happen, nor do I expect it to, but if it happens, it happens.

 

I'll take the weekend to get over her, and come Monday, I'll treat her the way I always had, and act the way I did before.

 

If nothing else, it was a great experience, and I learned a lot.