royal007 Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 I have been married to my wife for 7 years. She has always been rather reserved in the bedroom, lights off and all that. As I have got older I have become more and more kinky, I wax and would be up for all sorts as I think it helps the marriage stay healthy if you experiment. This is what I would like my wife to do, but I think I don't have a hope in hell. 1. Wax !! (Hairy nether regions are yuck!!) 2. Get over the complex of not being able to stand naked in front of me 3. Sex with the light on and have fun with toys. If anyone has any suggestions please reply as I am at the end of my tether and feel cheated that my Wife is not willing to be totally intimate with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Freyja Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Have you spoke to her about this? Have you personally tried to spice things up in the bedroom and make it special for her? Maybe do kinky things for her and it'll give her a boost to engage and do the same for you(it might also give her other ideas for kinky stuff)? Also, it looks like she may have low self-esteem and insecurity issues? And do you often tell her how beautiful she is, compliment her etc? Unfortunately sometimes people can feel really awful about themselves and i'm sure theres certain issues which trigger her reaction in this way, i dunno... maybe see a therapist? Also about the sex issue, maybe she just personally likes it vanilla. I think the best way to solve marital bedroom issues is by communication. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Hairy is yuck? I think hairless is pre-pubescent. How did you put up with your wife's hairyness these past years? Why the sudden change? Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Why not ask her what she would like? Ask her if you started dressing a certain way, wearing certain cologne or doing certain things would that be sexy to her ? Ask her what makes her feel loved and cherished and safe. Ask if her if you've been doing enough of those things. Draw her out gently and get her to start talking. Tell her you really want to keep your relationship with each other fun and sexy, but you need her help. Above all, don't make her feel like it's all about you getting your rocks off. Make it about the both of you. If she has trust and intimacy issues, the worst thing you could do is make her feel bad about herself. Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I have been married to my wife for 7 years. She has always been rather reserved in the bedroom, lights off and all that. Lights off? How can you enjoy sex when you can't even see your partner? Let her know that you find her sexy and want to enjoy her beauty. Does she ever walk around naked in front of you? If not, she's not comfortable with you seeing her, and you need to let her know that she's attractive with compliments and attention. As I have got older I have become more and more kinky, I wax and would be up for all sorts as I think it helps the marriage stay healthy if you experiment. This is what I would like my wife to do, but I think I don't have a hope in hell. I've been in a similar situation and sympathize. I was able to make some progress with my reluctant SO. For example, I bought her a vibrator (which she would never do for herself), then used it on her. Once she got over her initial inhibitions, it became a regular part of our sex. So I suggest you initiate, be positive and encouraging, and that you make sure she's getting something out of it, too. There may be a limit, though, as to how kinky your wife is willing to get. Especially given her past behavior, I think you have a long road ahead of you. Just try to be as positive as possible, and as previous posters suggested, communicate with her! Tell her how you feel and find out how she feels. Once you understand why she is so reluctant, you can make progress. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 My advice would be to start thinking about what SHE likes and not what you want....spoken by a man who knows. Her turn ons may be different than yours, but if she is important to you, you should learn what they are. Ironically, she will probably start doing what you want if you show great interest in what she wants. The more you demand her to do what you want, the less you are going to get. My guess is that she will shut down at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
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