mouse123 Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 Hey, just want to get a few opinions about what people think about their SO going to a stripclub. I don't consider it cheating, but i'm not really comfortable with it... Link to post Share on other sites
thekiss Posted December 26, 2005 Share Posted December 26, 2005 Hey, Strip Clubs...it is so amazing the number of women that feel crappy about porn and strip clubs and all of this mess. Well, honestly, it's all about what you think. If you're uncomfortable with it, then you are and if you're not, you're not. I can say that when it comes to this issue, the sexes are definitely separated. Men feel it is their god given right to check out porn and hit strip clubs, and alot of women feel hurt and betrayed by it. This is what I can tell you I've learned. Men don't look at it as a replacement for you. They don't look at the women as being more attractive, or better in bed or any of that. It's fun to go to, sort of a forbidden kind of thing and it's a great opportunity to put one of their buddies in a potentially embarassing situation. If you really are trying to figure out how you feel about this. Hit a strip club for women. You'll find that the men are well built and attractive, but they really aren't someone that you could see taking the place of your significant other. Once you realize this, it'll make you feel better about your s/o going to one of these places. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted December 26, 2005 Share Posted December 26, 2005 Does he invite you to go along? A lot of women go to strip clubs now with their b/f's. If he doesn't want you to go he may be hiding something ( like a favorite stripper ). Pin him down and find out what he likes about going to these clubs alone or with his mates. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 26, 2005 Share Posted December 26, 2005 If he doesn't want you to go he may be hiding something ( like a favorite stripper ). Well, I suppose that's possible, but it's probably more likely that he just wants time with his buds to hang out. There's no rule that couples have to be together 24/7 (thank goodness!). Link to post Share on other sites
Tangerina Posted December 26, 2005 Share Posted December 26, 2005 I agree with the first poster... I don't think it is cheating but it really isn't my favorite thing either... more because of the money, actually... my boy looks at porn and it doesn't bug me... looking at a real girl isn't really any different... lap dances make me a bit more uncomfortable, but it is all a game so I don't really find it threatening, just a little squeamish.... my boy doesn't go to strip clubs but if he did my only rule would be to spend an equal amount of money on frivilous, fun gifts for me as he stuffs in lady's underpants... I think that is a fair deal because then he would evaluate how much it is really worth to him and I would get as much out of it as the stripper, hehe... Link to post Share on other sites
Lorelei Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 I kinda always keep this in mind (and have said it in other posts). If you are not comfortable with strip clubs and you tell your SO this and tell him how it makes you feel and he is not prepared to change or stop going FOR YOU then is he really worth it? If he puts something as stupid as strip clubs before your feelings then is he really worth it? Same goes with porn, online porn, online chatting etc. If he knows how it makes you feel and he continues to do it then really - if you can't depend on him to respect how you feel on an issue then what can you depend on him for? Some girls are fine with porn - but not strip clubs vice versa but the thing it comes down to is, regardless of if guys don't see it as anything or not - if he can't respect your feelings on an issue then really - do you want to be wasting time on him? This isn't about 'How guys feel or see strip clubs' or how porn is 'nothing about you personally' - it is about YOUR feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
thekiss Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 Lorilei, I agree... If it is something that you just cannot tolerate, say so. Any guy who loves you would be more than willing to give up visiting strip clubs,porn sites, whatever, to respect how you feel. Your opinions should be respected no matter the subject. I just wanted to point out that many women have let these kinds of things affect their self esteem. Obviously every situation is different, but in general, I just hope that all the women out there realize that they cannot be replaced by this trash and stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 The last 3 times I have been to a strip club the wife has been with me. The great thing about going is it is fun knowing my wife is the hottest woman in the room and has a better rack than most of them and could make some good money! Strip clubs are all about the visual treat you get. Guys like seing naked women, no matter how many you see you like seing more. It is just about getting a show though and nothing to be worried about. If he is sneaking off to go all the time and not telling you then I would certainly say something because then it is becomeing a problem in the relationship. Same goes for porn, when your neglect the relationship to indulge in other things out side of the relationship then there is a problem. The problem is not the other thing though...you have to find what is causing the need to indulge in other things outside of you. Link to post Share on other sites
sparticuss Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 I kinda always keep this in mind (and have said it in other posts). If you are not comfortable with strip clubs and you tell your SO this and tell him how it makes you feel and he is not prepared to change or stop going FOR YOU then is he really worth it? If he puts something as stupid as strip clubs before your feelings then is he really worth it? . Actually Lorelie the answer to that one is YES he is worth it. It's an old and jaded set of examples but I have to ask every girl on this post the same old questions. 1/ Has he ever beaten you up so badly that you needed a hospital 2/ Has he ever blown the entire weekly budget, both your and his, on drugs, tattoos, strippers, gambling, when the rent is overdue and you are facing eviction. 3/ Has he ever committed a major crime, as in ten years jail and tried to involve you in it. Does it make the srippers seem suddnely as petty as they are. The women in these boards, who dump thier guys over things a trivial as strippers, or thier coming home drunk once a month. These are the women who will find themselves cranky from age 15 to 25, desperate and dateless to age 35 and then bitter , bewildered and lonely after that, and totally unable to understand why their love lives ended up in such a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm1010 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 my fiance and i cleared this up from the begining- no stripclubs. the key thing is we communicated about it and the issue hasnt had to come up again some people find these issues trivial and others done. it shouldnt matter what other people think as long as u and ur SO are on the same page. if ure not ok with strippers dont start off a relationship all cool with it and then change ur mind.. be true from the begining. Link to post Share on other sites
reddog63 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Hmmmm.........an observation that comes to mind is as follows: and this is based soley on a guy that goes every once in a blue moon, not often. If my girlfriend said NO strip clubs............as others have posted she has a right to demand then I would have to ask myself..........is this the type of relationship I want? Now, I dont want to sound silly, that this one issue would be the sole reason to second guess the relationship, however; as I have gotten older my ideal relationship would be with a woman who was confident enough not to get so threatened. And btw.......if I go on my annual golf trip with my buddies we usually hit the strip club once. I tell my wife. I like that she does not worry about it. And to be honest, it is not that big of a deal. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsP Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Guys seem to make a real division between other guys who go to strip clubs once in a while with other friends and those poor fellows that go alone often. It seems like there is this unspoken divide between "normal jollies" and the lone sap on pervert row looking for a beautiful woman for two songs of attention. Would your SO's visits fall into one of these two categories? Would it make a difference to you? PS- If you are questioning your feelings now, will you feel differently about the practice if it is one month after you've given birth to your first child? What about when you are six months pregnant and feeling not so pretty anyway? Will you feel differently when the money that could be going to your kids is going to a hard working single mom who catches his eye? If it is a rare fun night with the guys, these issues don't really come into play, but it would not be fair to let him to think it is no big deal for you and then feel hurt when your circumstances have changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Alteezza Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 It is like having sex without the intercourse. Listen to the reasons that men go to strip clubs.....To hang out with the F$^!ing guys??????????? Go to a bar...a footbal game, play horse shoes, play grab ass(u know, the game where all the pumped up guys go around and grab each others' asses for fun). But to use going to a strip club to hang out with the buds and maybe...just maybe....catch a nipple or two in your side view. It's only bull**** if one of both parties have a slight problem with it. And by the way, If you bring it up after the so has been there numerious times with you not saying anything, then that is being very self centered. You let them go trying to be cool with it until one day you decide, "" I really don't know how I feel about this"". That is wrong for them because you allowed it under false pretenses. Now you want them to admit that they feel that it is wrong just like you do but instead they now have to defend it. Defend themselves, because, something you seemed not to have a problem with suddenly is under the gun with your "feelings" as a shield. They will defend themselves and the idea of it as a whole. Link to post Share on other sites
mouse123 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I have no problem with strip clubs when I am invited, however, if it is a guy's night, I understand. That being said, I would let my boyfriend know that I'm not cool with him receiving physical contact (lap dances, etc...). If he really wanted to try it out, I'd let him know that if he enjoyed it, he could watch me in action on amateur night doing to other men what he had done to him. I think that would get the point across much better than gathering the girls to go see cheesy male strippers. Link to post Share on other sites
sparticuss Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 ; as I have gotten older my ideal relationship would be with a woman who was confident enough not to get so threatened. . I'm surprised I din't notice that one red dog. And you are quite right. For all the brashness what we do have here is girls with totally overinflated and, as a consequence, egos a fragile as glass. Thier confidence should be through the ceiling but its not. It's so fragile that ther SO even looking at anothe woman in the street genuinly has them beliving that the relationship is somehow on the rocks. Let alone a strip club. I wonder how many of these girls even realise that ther men, on average, turn down a proposition about every six months. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 My h isn't interested in going!! H has been before we got together and he said he had no interest !! H says they nasty and skanky and not his type of women !!! i am so glad cause i wouldn't allow it if he liked it!! i think having lap dances and rubbing all over someone stuff is cheating !! It is skin on skin only difference is that you can't touch them but they can!! I have heard that in those private rooms more goes on !! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chrissy123 Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I don't really have a problem with the occasional strip club visit. My only problem is with lap dances. There is absolutley no way under ANY circumstances will I stay with a man who does this. I consider it cheating and a huge show of disrespect on the mans part that he pays some gross chick money to get naked and grind her naked self into his lap. I should be the only women to do this to my man and if he decides he feels that I should allow him to get lap dances then he can get all the lap dances he wants as a single man. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts