How do you implement NC when you're so lonely?

[blue5000]

I live in a large city where most of my friends are coupled, some with children. I don't have many single friends left. I wake up alone, sleep alone, eat alone, go out alone...you get the picture. My ex and I have been broken up since last February, but kept in contact until about two weeks ago. You can read my story on my other threads. How do you stop hoping or even stop thinking about them when all you have is time to do so? I really do try to keep myself busy, but I'm usually alone trying to keep myself busy. And right now, I don't want to hang out with my friends, their boyfriends, and, perhaps, their children. I lost my best friend, my playmate; I'm lonely and really tired of doing everything alone. It makes me weak and makes me want to call him.

[heartnsoul]

I know exactly how you feel!

 

I've actually been toying with the idea of taking the meetup.com approach. I'm somewhat of an introvert so, the concept is a little scary but, it's an option.

 

Other than that; reading, walking, and talking to your house pet (assuming you have one) are nice distractions too

[JS17]

Nobody said that being alone is easy. Maybe you could make some new friends that like to do the same things as you.

[blue5000]

I know it's not easy being alone, especially if it's not by choice. But, how do you not think about your ex when you're alone and trying to occupy yourself? When you're lonely, isn't it normal, to some extent, to think about a time when you were happier? For many reasons, I think of my ex a lot, but, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't if I had a gang of single friends to hang out with or maybe even another guy. I don't know. I just want to stop feeling so lonely.

[grace2005]

I don't recommend that anybody cut themselves to deal with the pain of loneliness. That's something that only I am allowed to do because afterall I am the worst skumbucket on the face of the earth. I never make anyone happy. I never make God happy. Nothing I do is sufficient!

 

The apostle paul was wrong when he said he was the cheif of sinners. I wasn't born at that time of course but maybe now in this generation I am the cheif of sinners.

 

So do I feel lonely during this NC mode? Absolutely. I haven't talked to any of my friends or family. I come here or I listen to christian radio or read the bible or go to the library or cut my stomach. I'm feeling a little better now than I was earlier.

[J dub]

I don't recommend that anybody cut themselves to deal with the pain of loneliness. That's something that only I am allowed to do because afterall I am the worst skumbucket on the face of the earth. I never make anyone happy. I never make God happy. Nothing I do is sufficient! ......I come here or I listen to christian radio or read the bible or go to the library or cut my stomach.

 

 

Ok...anyway,

 

One of the things I like to do when I am feeling lonely/down is to go to our local bookstore and pick up a good book and have a coffee, read & people watch. It's soothing there because its less chaotic than most other public places.

 

Other than that, exersizing (sp?) is good because it releases "feel good endorphins" into your body and literally helps your mood. Movies, a new hobby...perhaps join a class like yoga or if you work, some kind of after-work organization like bowling is fun

 

Right now, it's really just a matter of waiting it out until youre healed. Time will do its magic, and you know what they say...time flies...

 

Just have faith in yourself, be patient, and continue coming here for venting purposes

[malachai]

hi blue5000,

 

i can really identify with what you are going through. the majority of what i do during my day is by myself, and it doesn't make the healing experience any easier. and it was this way before i met ex-gf, so the breakup only highlighted my desperate situation. i was actually worse off after the breakup then before i met her. it's been just over 2 months now, and the cloud is lifting ever so slightly.

 

there are some good suggestions already here, joining a club that shares a hobby you have, organizations, etc. even if you aren't making "true" friends, just being around people really helps. it's even better if you can really participate and interact with others in these situations.

 

to answer your question, i don't think it's reasonable to think that you can eliminate all thoughts of a person. the one thing i am learning right now is to not fight every single memory that drifts into my head naturally. like if i go somewhere and i'm reminded of the times i spent with my ex there, that's not something i can really help. i let it run its course, i break down, but then eventually pick up and move on.

 

but the more idle time you have, the more you will have these thoughts wandering through your conciousness. so by doing things like joining clubs, exercising, reading books, and the hundreds of other suggestions you hear about how to deal with a breakup, you aren't trying to completely fill up the hole in your life, or eliminate your ex from your thoughts. but you can cut down the amount of time spent longing and pining over them.

 

one more thing: when my ex-gf broke up with me, i was absolutely devastated. i thought the only way i could move on was to immediately fill the space, either with another girl, or by trying to find more friends. i am still working on those things, but they have lost the immediacy they had when i was fresh out of the relationship. before i can change the things i don't like about my life, i need to accept my situation as it is right now, then build from that.

[RZA-Man]

hey Blue5000,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can totally relate. I was recently dumped and I find myself basically with no social life now. My friends are usually busy doing couple stuff. Sucks! Anyway, another suggestion is to do volunteer work. I haven't actually done it myself, but my friend recommended it after she got dumped. Not only does it help occupy your time, but it supposedly gives you some perspective. Best of luck and be strong! You'll make it!

[blue5000]

thanks everyone for replying.

 

i hear what everyone is saying, go to the bookstore, volunteer, etc. try whatever, basically, to keep yourself busy. and be as social as possible. i hear you, but it's hard to find the energy, isn't it? also, when i do motivate and engage in activities, i find that i'm on the older age range, which makes me more depressed. i also find that no matter where i go or what i do i seem to be surrounded by couples. i know this isn't true, that's just all i'm seeing. and even if i do go out, coming home alone always gets me.

 

malachai - i think you make a good point about just letting the thougths of my ex come and go. problem is i spend way too much time thinking about him. it's a struggle not to talk about him to my friends...you know, just causually, i remember X used to like this or X was like this...

 

i guess all you can do is keep on keepin' on, but it's really, really hard. i don't want to be alone the rest of my life and that's what it feels like right now. i never thought i would be in my late thirties, single, with no children...how did i get here?

[mini696]

You find someone else to hang out with.