I wonder when i will stop to think to my ex :(

[frenchgirl]

Hi there. My name is Karine, I am french and i come on this forum to tell what i am feeling, cos I am hurt inside. I was with a girl, im gonna call her M, for 1 year and half. It was wonderful. I was so in love with her, you know, the first big love of my life, the one with the butterflies in belly and all this. In February 2005, she broke, for some strange reasons, saying she need to find herself. My heart brocke in thousand pieces. I know now, that AT THIS MOMENT i should have make NC, but it was too hard, so i kept contact with her until summer. In July she met a boy, and they are together since this time. She stopped to answer to my mails for no reason ( it was what.. mm, 1 mail by week or something, just to get some news from her). I dont understand why she made this so I had no choice than to make NC ( or i would have look pathetic, to write even she doesnt answer ..) For 2 months i didnt contact her, and i was feeling better and better.

One morning I had the bad idea to look to her best friend msn sentence which was saying something about the death of M's aunt.. I sent to M a small message saying " I heard about your aunt, I understand what you must feel and if you need to talk, i am there " and she sent me as answer " I am fine now. thanx. Tomorrow i go shopping to buy the last gift i need ^^ " I almost fall of my chair as i read this. It's totally.. STRANGE?! I sent an answer 2 days later (not that it look like i was running after her again..) saying " then im glad if you are fine, take care of you" And that's all. But since that day i feel totally bad. I was feeling better and now i think again to her, and she is with this boy, it's hard for me! I feel so stupid cos i loved more than anything, i made everything for her and now i feel like a fool. Its 10 months that she broke, i wonder when i'll forget her :'(

I must continue NC right? it means no xmas or new year wishes?

I feel so stupid at the moment.

Thank you for reading.

Karine