Is he interested? Should I be?

[Shindig]

I've known a guy for about 5 months. He has always been very respectful and treats me like a friend but I've been interested in him romantically for about 3 months and I told him so 2 months ago. He didn't really say much about it but we started hanging out a lot more.

 

He works adjacent to one of my favorite hangouts (squash courts) and we'll go out for lunch or dinner after a game with other mutual friends from the same locale. We text about once a day (which he apparently doesn't do with any other of our mutual friends) and do the group dinners twice a week or so. Periodically he has met up with me and out-of-town guests who come to visit for dinner as well. Twice we've ended up at one of our houses or the other with mutual friends after a night out. We've never been intimate physically apart from a hug and kiss on the cheek when greeting (not atypical for our town). He always seems concerned when I mention doctor appointments and can tell/inquires when I sound stressed.

 

I'm not sure if he's taking his time in getting to know me because I tend to be a little more aggressive than most women and can be impatient. He is fairly reserved but at the same time somewhat immature. I know I'll have a good friend in him no matter what but I'm wondering if I should tell him I'm interested in him romantically again or just appreciate the relationship for what it is and move on.

 

We have a lot of common interests (sports, political philosophies, food, wine, lifestyle, etc.), I admire him as a person, and we always have fun when we're together - presumably all good reasons to date a person OR be friends with them. I guess I'm looking for a tiebreaker between my head and my heart.

 

Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?

[seanryann]

I'm not sure if he's taking his time in getting to know me because I tend to be a little more aggressive than most women and can be impatient. He is fairly reserved but at the same time somewhat immature. I know I'll have a good friend in him no matter what but I'm wondering if I should tell him I'm interested in him romantically again or just appreciate the relationship for what it is and move on.

 

This guy sounds like me, so I think I can speak of what he may be thinking.

 

I think you should tell him how you feel. What's the worse that can happen? He says he doesn't feel the same way about you, and you two can continue being friends. But I think it's more likely that he likes you too. You seem like a smart girl. You wouldn't be here for advice if you didn't feel there was a connection between the two of you. Therefore, there must be something there. If I was him, I'd probably be questioning whether you feel the same about me. If he's like me, he wants to say something, but wants to be 100% certain you feel the same way(the "reserved" part of us). At the same time, we look at the signals you're giving off and wonder if it's just you girls being friendly. Yeah, you like us as friends, but do you want to be more? (the "immature" part backfiring on us).

 

I guess I'm looking for a tiebreaker between my head and my heart.

 

I've thought about that too myself lately. Usually my head wins, but sometimes you have to go with your heart. This is one of those times.

[Shindig]

I worry that I'll mess up the friendship by pushing too hard for the relationship as I have done with a lot of relationships (that eventually failed) in the past. I guess I'm answering my own question by saying I think I need a firmer frienship with him before telling him I still want to date him.

[melissa85]

I am going thru something similar with one of my friends. I am just like you, a a little impatient and like to know what's going on...at all times. So, maybe he is kindda getting irritated by that. But, its my theory that nothing comes by pushing things too much. My story is like this ....this guy I like was realy really good friends with my ex...so even though he kindda likes me he has that guilt in the back of his mind that he cannot date his ex's gf...does that make sense ??????

In any case, I get so mad at him...cos he just has this conscience that is like huge and sometimes I just wish that he was impulsive...Its like he can't figure out what he wants to do and its infuriating!!!!!

[Shindig]

I can sympathize with not wanting to get with the friend of an ex. I wouldn't want to drive a wedge between friends. THere is, however, a grieving period or sorts. After a reasonable period of time has passed and the breakup (good or bad) isn't on your friend's or (more importantly) her ex's mind anymore it's something I would think about if I were in his shoes. How long has it been? If it has been 6 months or so I imagine it may still be too soon. Good luck.

[monkey00]

From what you say he sounds pretty interested in you. Let me ask you, are you the only girl in his life?

 

But anyway sounds like he's just shy/afraid to make a move on you. If anything let him know you're interested and tell him how you feel.

ask him, "so what is this that we have" or "what kind of relationship do we have?"

[seanryann]

From what you say he sounds pretty interested in you. Let me ask you, are you the only girl in his life?

 

But anyway sounds like he's just shy/afraid to make a move on you. If anything let him know you're interested and tell him how you feel.

ask him, "so what is this that we have" or "what kind of relationship do we have?"

 

 

Yeah, I agree. This way, you're not pushing anything onto him, but you're still hinting at the fact you're thinking about a relationship with him.