How to be single...

[ann]

I don't understand & honestly don't know how to be OK with being single & alone for the rest of my life. (If that is how it's going to be) Many people don't get married, maybe that's their choice. But when I was little, & growing up, it seemed like finding your life partner was just something that happened&you didn't need to worry about it, when the time was right, it would just happen. Because that was how I wanted my life to be, and that was what was supposed to happen.

 

Now I'm feeling the clock ticking -- I'm 26 with no prospects in sight. (I'm also a single mom) I've never even been in a relationship that developed into anything remotely serious. I'm finding myself unable to be happy for friends who are getting engaged and married&I know it's selfish, but I don't know how to change that. I can't even watch romantic movies because I get so depressed feeling it will never happen for me. How can I accept that I may just have to miss out on ever being married and having that special bond with someone I love, and who loves me too? What is wrong with me - doesn't everyone deserve this?

 

I'm not looking for anyone's sympathy here...just wanting to know how I can be satisfied with living the single life my WHOLE life.

 

I've heard people say you have to be happy with yourself, love yourself, but yet you need to be prepared to be single your whole life. Since being alone is not at all what I want, how can I possibly settle for that?

[Tony T]

1. "How can I accept that I may just have to miss out on ever being married and having that special bond with someone I love, and who loves me too? What is wrong with me - doesn't everyone deserve this?"

 

For Pete's sake, you're only 26 years old. You are VERY VERY young. Lots of women don't get married these days until they're well into their 30's.

 

Finding love usually happens when you aren't so eager. You talk about getting comfortable with being single and that may be the key. Right now, you're clock is ticking and your constitution is bubbling over with chaos because you don't have anyone in your life.

 

Once you start enjoying your life, yourself, your friends, etc., once you are quite happy with yourself...that's when not one but two or three really great potential partners will present themselves.

 

Incidentally, you get upset when your friends get married but I've met some of the most beautiful, wonderful, sexy, sensuous, sweet, kind, luscious, intelligent babes at weddings I've attended. I NEVER take a date to a wedding because there are so many nice single ladies there. Now, I don't pay much attention to the men but I'm sure they are there. Start being glad about your friends getting married because they provide you with PERFECT opportunities to meet great guys.

 

Until you get happy with yourself and your life, you don't stand a chance. You wouldn't want a guy who would be attracted to or settle for someone who was unhappy and frustrated with their life.

 

So start feeling great about being alive. Do things with your child, do things for yourself, and stop going bonkers because you don't have a guy.

 

2. "Since being alone is not at all what I want, how can I possibly settle for that?"

 

You don't have to settle for a darn thing. But have some patience. The world has evolved into a bunch of grossly impatient people who want everything NOW. Go read some books on Budhism amd Zen. Read about those on the Internet. Learn to enjoy and savor every moment. Learn how things come into your life at the proper time.

 

In America particularly, life has been ruined. Instead of having finely prepared home cooked meals, people want to shoot out to the nearest FAST FOOD place and have their meal in their gut in five minutes. People who go to restaurants get pissed if they don't have their food served in minutes. People want digital cameras so they're pictures are ready instantly. Everybody wants EVERYTHING right now. People even pay psychics so they will know well in advance what they are going to get immediately.

 

When I was little, we were poor and I had to wait for things...and I appreciated everything and I loved everything and my life was a true joy. When I left our rolls of film at the drug store, they got sent to Rochester, New York for processing and came back in a week...and I was overjoyed. Now, if people don't get them in a hour, they go apeshxt.

 

These days, people aren't even happy with the evening news. The want BREAKING NEWS. If somebody gets assasinated, they want to see it happen LIVE instead of viewing a tape later on. Everything is BREAKING NEWS....breaking my butt!!!

 

So, babe, here's some BREAKING NEWS for you. If you truly want to be happy, separate yourself from the miserable crowd that has to have everything instantly....including instant, fast track, no fault, turbodynamic DIVORCE.

 

Take your time, be cool, smell the roses, meditate, enjoy every moment, learn to be happy with each moment, and you'll get more love than you ever dreamed of...and it will last a lifetime.

 

This immediate gratification stuff may be the downfall of civilization. Print out this post and see if I'm not correct.

 

Love will find a way...if you find some patience and stop forcing the issue. Be happy with yourself always if you want somebody else to be happy with you.

[WGirl]

You're only 26, all hope is not lost. You still have time to meet somebody if that is what you want. Right now, you have to focus on making your daughter and yourself happy. What would make you happy aside from finding your soulmate? Is it finding a satisfying career, going to school, joining a new club, finding a new hobby. You need to live your life for yourself and maybe eventually you'll meet someone when you least expect it.

I don t understand & honestly don t know how to be OK with being single & alone for the rest of my life. (If that is how it's going to be) Many people don t get married, maybe that s their choice. But when I was little, & growing up, it seemed like finding your life partner was just something that happened…you didn t need to worry about it, when the time was right, it would just happen. Because that was how I wanted my life to be, and that was what was supposed to happen. Now I m feeling the clock ticking I m 26 with no prospects in sight. (I'm also a single mom) I ve never even been in a relationship that developed into anything remotely serious. I m finding myself unable to be happy for friends who are getting engaged and married…I know it s selfish, but I don t know how to change that. I can t even watch romantic movies because I get so depressed feeling it will never happen for me. How can I accept that I may just have to miss out on ever being married and having that special bond with someone I love, and who loves me too? What is wrong with me - doesn t everyone deserve this? I'm not looking for anyone's sympathy here...just wanting to know how I can be satisfied with living the single life my WHOLE life. I ve heard people say you have to be happy with yourself, love yourself, but yet you need to be prepared to be single your whole life. Since being alone is not at all what I want, how can I possibly settle for that?

[Miss Mojo]

I've met some of the most beautiful, wonderful, sexy, sensuous, sweet, kind, luscious, intelligent babes at weddings I've attended.

 

oooh....i hope i'm all (or even some) of the above to someone out there, because i've got a 3 weddings to go to in the next couple of months!

 

I NEVER take a date to a wedding because there are so many nice single ladies there.

 

haha!!! now i know why the first boyfriend i ever had *never* invited me to a wedding!!

 

Start being glad about your friends getting married because they provide you with PERFECT opportunities to meet great guys.

 

i'm excited!!!!!

 

by the way ann, i've been 100% single for the last 8 months. while i do feel lonely sometimes and would love a guy to cuddle up to and that special bond that doesn't come from anyone else, i have actually found that being totally single and devoting all my time to myself has given me opportunity to find what i won't settle for in a guy. i guess you could say i've developed a special bond with myself, which is kind of what i needed after feeling like crap for a few months.

 

sure, being single can get daunting at times, but just imagine the feeling that is going to overwhelm you when you do meet mr great....it sure as hell beats dating guys that you find really ordinary and you're not happy with.

 

some people might think i'm weird, but i hardly ever go out on dates. while i have opportunities, i just don't want to go out with "anyone" who likes me, but i'm not interested in. i don't go out with a guy unless i am *really* attracted to him, and i know he's attracted to me. if he wasn't attracted to me as much i was to him, it would just feel so weird. being patient just makes it so much more exciting when it eventually happens.

 

and look forward to these weddings!!!!!!!....i'm 25 and i'm the only one of my girlfriends without a boyfriend. half of them are getting married or are engaged. trust me....you're not "pushing time". it just feels that way because everyone is settling down. we'll both soon be the envy of our married friends!

[Lauren]

I'm confused that you said you have never been in a relationship that developed into anything serious - yet you have a child. Something happened to bring that child into your world! And your relationship with her is definitely serious. You are 26 which is AWFULLY young - what clock? I'm 33 and definitely have not had a serios relationship until my current one - which is almost one year now. OKAY. Get that - no boyfriend, no husband, no serious dating partner, definitely no relationship that resulted in a child!!(I was a virgin - get it?????!!) Get a grip. Do what is best for you and your child. I praise God for what I have and whatever is included with it. Yes, that comes from loving myself and feeling comfortable with myself. Are you alone or lonely. Because you can be in a roomfull of people and be lonely - because you're missing something more than a significant relationship! There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. Hold your head up high, chest out, butt tight, and go get 'em. That is something my friend tells me and it works! I don't use cliche's and going back on my short history that I just divulged to the world, however, I need to say - it will happen. Be ready for it, accept it and all that comes with it. It mihgt come in a package that you might not necessarily recognize. It did for me. When you are my age darling you will most likely be married and maybe even more children/children in future. Think at that time about me - and the wait I had without anyone. Think about not having those things (even if you aren't married at that point, you will still have your daughter)for a LONGER time. We may think our situation is the ultimate worse that can happen - it is not! Find strength and keep moving - you'll do it!! I don't understand & honestly don't know how to be OK with being single & alone for the rest of my life. (If that is how it's going to be) Many people don't get married, maybe that's their choice. But when I was little, & growing up, it seemed like finding your life partner was just something that happened&you didn't need to worry about it, when the time was right, it would just happen. Because that was how I wanted my life to be, and that was what was supposed to happen. Now I'm feeling the clock ticking -- I'm 26 with no prospects in sight. (I'm also a single mom) I've never even been in a relationship that developed into anything remotely serious. I'm finding myself unable to be happy for friends who are getting engaged and married&I know it's selfish, but I don't know how to change that. I can't even watch romantic movies because I get so depressed feeling it will never happen for me. How can I accept that I may just have to miss out on ever being married and having that special bond with someone I love, and who loves me too? What is wrong with me - doesn't everyone deserve this? I'm not looking for anyone's sympathy here...just wanting to know how I can be satisfied with living the single life my WHOLE life. I've heard people say you have to be happy with yourself, love yourself, but yet you need to be prepared to be single your whole life. Since being alone is not at all what I want, how can I possibly settle for that?