My girlfriend broke my heart

[soybean311]

My girlfriend broke up with me December 10th. We were together for five months. She came over that night and told me that she thought it was time for us to break up. I asked her if there is someone else, she said no. She said she can't be with me because I'll hold her back from doing the things that she wants to do. After she broke it off, she said she still wants to be friends. I was heartbroken. She said she would never break up with me. She told me she still loves me, and wants to be with me in the future. I'm 22, she's 18. She gave me a letter after she left my house, and it basically described everything she said to me in person. She wrote the following on her blog on myspace:

 

"Isnt breakin up with someone supposed to make you feel better? or supposed to make things easier? I only wish that that could be the case with me today. I have reaceived a few opportunities to go to school and be able to do something with my life. I've decided im goin to take it. IT was hard for me to make that decision because it requires me leave to things that matter so much to me. Its so hard. Ive fallen in love with Soheyl. I didnt mean to. In a way I didn't want to because I knew that that would lead to someone getting hurt. I hate this bad feeling that youve lost ur whole world. But it was the right thing that I had to do. Otherwise, I would be held back from the things that I want to do. I just wish that everyone knew that I didn't do this to break his heart. I did it for myself and my future that iIhope to have with him. Soheyl (me) means so much to me. and if we hadnt gone our separate ways then I wouldnt do the things that I need to take care of. I wouldn't want to leave. He is the best man i have ever known. Hes is special to me just as much as I am to him. I want the world to know my love for him is AMAZING. He is my best friend. He is my love of my life. I am so happy that he found me. IF he didnt. I wouldnt be here. my feelings for him havent changed. I love him. thats all there is to it. I will miss him so much it will eat me up inside. but I know that I have to be strong. If we are truely meant to be. We will find a way back to eachother. "May destiny bring us back together." I love you baby."

 

She wrote this three days after we broke up. I saw her Monday December 12th, because she called me crying and I asked if she wanted me to come over. She said yes. So I went over, and I explained to her that the only thing that bothers me is the fact that we've been through so much and now it's not going to be the same.

 

She said that it doesn't have to be different, she said I can still hug her, kiss her, cuddle with her, make love to her etc... She said we can do what we have been doing it, but without the label. So I asked her what the hell are we then? She said we are bestfriends who are still in love.

 

The next day she called me twice, but I never picked up. She called me the next morning, and I didn't pick up. I called her the day after, and she asked if I was ok, and why I haven't been picking up her phone calls. I told her I needed time to think things over. The biggest fear she had breaking up with me is losing me forever; she doesn't want to lose me.

 

Since then, she's been calling me once a day, I call her when I miss her phone call, we haven't seen each other since Monday. She called me this morning asking me if I wanted to hangout tonight. I said sure, but the weather here turned to crap out of no where and it started to snow etc...

 

I called her letting her know that tonight will probably not happen. She called me back telling me that she really wanted to see me, and she's going to her co-workers house instead.

 

I told her that the next few days the weather might not allow us to see each other, and i'm leaving for Vegas on Thursday. She said that she'll see me no matter what Tuesday or Wednesday.

 

Another thing, last week she called telling me she still wanted to get the puppy she wanted (i was supposed to get her) but since we broke up, she thought it wouldn't be fair. But, she asked if i wanted to go with her, I said sure, and she said "remember, it's still OUR puppy."

 

I'm confused. I don't know if she loves me. She doesn't say I love you anymore when we end our phone call conversations.

 

I'm hurt.

[Clone56]

sounds like a very confusing situtation for u bro..what my thoughts would be is she is scared of the "spend the rest of my life with u" and broke things off just to ahve the pressure off. I know i have done it with my ex before we made the final break up cause its a scary thought. I would say hang tight and let it ride but u very well could get hurt by her deciding she doestn want to be with u at all. Just sounds like it could be a risky to stick it out but that would be your call. ahh girls that you love...they have so much power over u and dont think they realise it. What i think is if u back off like u are moving on she could very well come crawling back cause i know when my ex did that to me it hurts knowing they are moving on and u havent so they could be a solution. Good luck on whatever choice u make

[Dreamer084]

Your going almost identically through what I am going through..

 

Its very tough man knowing the person you love, the love of your life is going away from you, but you still remain friends, you still do all the other things, kiss, hug, etc..My girlfriend and I were together for a year and 6 months man and she told me she has to go back to Washington state and we are in Indiana.... now to go back to school. She doesn't want to be away from her mom and she has insured their is no one else. She still loves me and everytime I bring "us" up tears come rolling down her face. If shes meant to be she'll come back to you. The thing is man you can't force her to be with you if she has dreams just like you and I do..if she wants to do those things then let her do it. As much as you are hurting believe me she is hurting just as much..The funny thing is when other females comment me on what I wear, or how I look on some website, she gets kind of agitated..or when I do go out with my friends...she asks me these questions..who were you with..did you end up in anybodys bed? lol..I told her I dont want anyone right now..I only want her..Its hard being her "friend" I wont lie to you on that...Give it time man and if its meant to be then she'll be with you. What really hurts me bad is that I was going to ask this girl to marry me..

[2p worth]

You're 22. You have plenty more relationships ahead of you.

Better ones I'll warrant.

 

Keep NC. Do it for yourself. Use the relationship experience to understand things more.

 

BTW - NC includes you not reading her blog. She knew you would read it and that post was there especially for you - to play with your heart strings. That's not an excuse for you to go looking for revenge or start some battle of the blogs.

 

Keep NC - for yourself. You will heal.

[soybean311]

I actually hanged out with her tonight. I got her a puppy for Christmas regardless if we are together or not. I told her, at least a part of me will be with her when I'm not. She cried. We then talked, and I told her that I understand why she broke up with me. It was my insecurity from knowing about her past relationships. We decided to give the long-distance relationship a try, I was 1.5 hours away. It was tough, I always got jealous when she would hangout with her guy co-workers or her friends in general. She said she got tired of hearing me say, "are you cheating on me." I know my bad. She said if she didn't love me, she wouldn't want to be friends with me, she wouldn't want to kiss me, hug me, cuddle with me, or make love with me. i asked her if she has a crush on someone, she said she has a crush on her co-worker; but assured me that she doesn't see anything working out because she doesn't want to. She said he's someone she can talk to, that he was there for her when she broke up with me; she said he's given her a kiss on the cheek. I asked if she has done anything with him, she said no and that she never will. She just wants to be friends right now, because she likes having me in her life still, but having her friends in her life too. If she was with me, she feels like she wouldn't have her friends. It was the same for me, being with her basically made me not do anything with any of my friends. It was always about her. I can understand that. Anyway, she also explained that she doesn't want another boyfriend and doesn't think she will ever have another boyfriend. She said the next boyfriend she has will be me again. She just ended the conversation with, I love you, you are the love of my life, I want to be with you in the future, not right now, but you need to believe in my love for you and that i wouldn't do anything to throw it away. That's my biggest mistake, I never believed her, or tried to when we were together. I now realize it while not being with one another. I love her. I want to be with her. She loves me. She wants to be with me. Not now, but in time. She said she won't miss the opportunity to date again, just to see if her love for me is real. She also said that everything she does, sees, or hears reminds her of me, and it kills her. I wasn't sure if she wanted to kiss me etc... but she said if she didn't want to, she wouldn't have kissed me out of no where. I don't know. I just need to believe. Everything is going to be ok. We are bestfriends who still love each other, but can't be with each other at this point and time.

[wendel1]

She just wants to be friends right now, because she likes having me in her life still, but having her friends in her life too. If she was with me, she feels like she wouldn't have her friends....... She just ended the conversation with, I love you, you are the love of my life, I want to be with you in the future, not right now, but you need to believe in my love for you and that i wouldn't do anything to throw it away

 

 

Mmm my ex gave me that exact same line, she was crying for me, we were in a LDR.....4 weeks later she had a new boyfriend......

[soybean311]

update. I talked to her today. She seemed in a good mood. I told her I'm going to the hospital to get an X-Ray. She got all worried asking me if I was ok. I said i'm fine, just need to see if my lung is ok. (History of Spontaneous Pneumothorax). She then says, I want you to get better, I love you, never forget that. I'm like ok.

 

Once I finished the x-ray I called her asking her if she wanted to go to a party. She declined because she's spending Christmas with her family tonight because they are going to Cali for Christmas. Understandable. I asked her how she likes her puppy. She said she loves it. I said good. Then I told her that i'm not leaving for Vegas until Friday. She asked why. I told her that we found plane tickets for cheap. She said she's going to stop by my house tomorrow regardless if i'm there or not to drop off my christmas present.

 

She then goes, "You're going to call me when you get there aren't you?"

 

I said, "Sure, are you going to call me?"

 

She said, "Of course I'm going to."

 

What the hell does this mean? Is she seriously concerned about me with other girls in Vegas?!

[pippen_2k]

Awwwwww dosent she seem so innocent and caring? HORSE ****!

 

Whilst your hearbroken you will hang on every word she says and believe all this BS she is feeding you.

 

She has another intesest..its as simple as that... And I have no idea how having a bf is gonna hold her back from fulfilling her dreams and ambitions. unless her ambitions is too date as many men as possible.

 

I loved her line saying that she will date another guy just to make sure the love she has for you is real.. lol.. gawd

 

Dont be this girls friend, she is a heart breaker... and while you hang around your setting yourself up for ALOT more bad times ahead.

[Bubster]

pippen_2k is right, she is just gonna move on and lead you on at the same time. I was in a similar position not to long ago. The best advice I can give u is NC all the way. Let her call don’t answer, I made that mistake, but not on purpose, hidden id. Let her msg, don’t reply. In a way I’m also telling myself this. I would kiss my ex, n sometimes we’ll get really tempted to go further, but I later took my friends advice, and tried not to do any of this! It might be great than, hell I had my most romantic kiss with my ex a month after our breakup, it was raining n really nice. But that still didn’t get us back together now; n she’s been kissing guys like crazy lately! Some who were just friends before; n she promised nothing was going to happen with them. Save yourself the pain, you will feel like a bad person, but now just looks out for yourself, n apply strict NC. This might sound stupid, but it makes sense to me now. Please learn from my mistakes

[ReluctantRomeo]

OK, a less cynical view here.

 

I think she sounds really sweet. She is young and needs to move on her with her life, but she is trying to be kind and do the right thing here. This is love - when you still want the best for the other person, even when you've broken up and there's nothing in it for you.

 

Soy, I think you need to accept that this just wasn't meant to be and move on. She is being very nice, but for you and your own heart, you need to cut the contact for a couple of months. Maybe make an exception for a small christmas card.

 

Don't do this in anger, don't make a big thing of it. When she asks why you're not ringing, say you're not angry and you still think the world of her, but you need time and space to move on. And maybe you'll be friends again one day.

[wendel1]

This line is a cracker -

She said she won't miss the opportunity to date again, just to see if her love for me is real

 

That did touch a chord with me cos my ex gave me that line. What a crock of BS

 

She just ended the conversation with, I love you, you are the love of my life, I want to be with you in the future, not right now, but you need to believe in my love for you and that i wouldn't do anything to throw it away

 

Dont get me wrong, she does sound like a nice girl who doesn't want to hurt you and break your heart. But I think sometimes instead of dumping us gently by saying, i love u, and keeping us hanging on through texts and calls, keeping our hopes alive, I wish the dumper would just come out and say 'we are over'.

 

I'm sure it would make it so much easier for us to move on. Rather than cling to that hope.

[mental_traveller]

"She said she won't miss the opportunity to date again, just to see if her love for me is real"

 

It's pretty obvious - she wants to be able to see other guys. You'd be a fool to allow things to continue under these circumstances.

 

You have to accept that this is the beginning of the end - she will date other people, and eventually find another bf. If you stay attached then you'll get screwed up even more than you are now. So best to forget about her as quickly as possible, go into "No Contact" mode and don't meet, talk to, email, or text message her again. It's the best and quickest way to get someone out of your system.

 

Send a note explain to her what you're doing and to request that she not contact you anymore.

[Clone56]

(History of Spontaneous Pneumothorax) damn man you have this problem to. Its some scary stuff. I had my first case about 2 months ago and it was very scary. Doc said I could have died. My gf at the time was very caring and helped me threw it. How did yours go and what not. IM only 23 and happened. Doc says it happens to tall skinny guys which i am. Sorry to be off subject but crazy you have the same thing happen to you.

[soybean311]

I let her go yesterday. You should have seen her face. She was so upset. I had to though. I thought it was a mistake and told her im sorry, but after thinking about it, it's the right thing to do. She called me twice last night, but I didn't pick up. It was so hard, I don't know what she wanted to say, and I'm dieing to know what she wanted to say to me. May be she realizes her mistake?

The fact of the matter is, she wasn't completely honest with me like everyone in here posted. There is another guy, or was the night she broke up with me. I know this is bad on my part, but I looked at her text messages when she wasn't looking to find a text from some unknown number dated after the night she broke up with me saying,

 

I know something happened between us last night, and I like it; but I just want to be friends.

 

Then one after that saying,

 

I just don't want to hurt you.

 

She saved them, they are locked; but before those are my text messages I sent her long ago. It doesn't matter, she lied to me, she said she hasn't done anything with another guy, that there is no other guy. She doesn't know I know. I just told her i'm done, and that I'm letting you go.

 

She got upset, I told her, if You LOVE ME, be with me, if not, go be with the guy you have a crush on. You want to be with someone who loves you, or someone who just wants to **** you.

 

I warned her earlier that morning, we talked. I said, if I find out that you are screwing around again like you used to, that you don't love me anymore, I'll walk out of your life.

 

I'm glad I did it, because I just saved myself from being even more hurt. I'm initiating NC for a couple months until I've calmed down.

 

Should I call her in a couple months, or should she?

[Bubster]

I envy your position. I found out my ex was not who I thought she was way too late, and till now I don’t know the absolute truth. As for calling her, I recon don’t. How would you feel if you call her and she is with someone else, and completely over you? Just out of curiosity, did you want to get back with her? Goodluck

[soybean311]

I wanted to make things work. I wanted us to work on stuff we weren't comfortable with. She said that she's helping me by being friends. I still love her, and she'll always have a space in my heart. Right now, it's just like I don't even know her anymore. I haven't called her or anything. I'm not going to. I want her to realize her mistakes. She's going to get hurt again, and then crawling back; and if she does; I won't take her back until I can trust her fully.

[Bubster]

That’s the exact same for me, I don’t know my ex at all. It’s sad how you get to know this person throughout the relationship, and then all of a sudden, going through her phone, or catching her out, she is a completely different person.

 

Don’t I repeat DON’T tell her you went through her phone, even though she is possibly lying to you, your in the wrong for doing this. The tables will turn on you. In the future, ask to search through her phone, n give her you’re mobile if she wants it. Trust in a relationship is important.

 

My ex told me eventually about this other guy after my friend told me what she was doing. I confronted her and she sent it in a msg. At the time we were just friends, and still talking, and I had taken her out twice. After this she immediately stooped with this guy. She had finally found out that this guy was just using her, and she was left feeling like a slut. Everything between us needed a lot of work, especially my trust for her. Just before I started NC, I found out that she was still meeting new guys but just talking to them. 1 day she would be like let’s get together, the next it’s a big pushback. If you get back with her, after she has been stuffed around with another guy, she will be depressed, and really sorry around you.

 

Now the big problem is your feelings to her. The biggest I had been my love for this girl, I actually felt sorry for what she had been through. I cared and was angry about her being mistreated. I wanted her to feel better about herself, and actually be happy again. You’re also going to have a lot of other things go through your head, like when she goes out, can I trust her? What is she doing now? When I was going through this I felt like a strict parent, and a stalker. I hated the person I became. When you’re with her, its unfortunate, but you’re going to feel like her second preference in her choice with guys. All this affected me from being the person I wanted to be, and still till now it does. By me doing NC, I actually care less about who she is with, or what she is doing. As long as she is doing what she wants, and is happy.

 

Your idea for leaving it for a few months is good, as long as you live your life that few months. Who knows you might meet someone better. Personally I can’t do this because I’m still not over my ex, but I’m trying. I also plan to let it lie as long as possible, and hopefully in a few months, I would be able to say I could do without all the lies. Don’t get me wrong this girl sounds like she doesn’t want to hurt you, n so didn’t my ex, she hated seeing me hurt. But the absolute truth must be told, so you can at least continue to trust her.

 

I hope this helps, it does somehow help me.

[UT_longhorn]

its really upsetting to hear stories like these where people are not 100% honest with each other and ends up hurting someone like that. it is good to hear that you are being strong soybean. im sure every day is difficult but try to keep as busy as you can. watch some good movies, go work out, run, clean up the house, read...anything to keep your mind preoccupied. wish you the best man. and who knows, maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

[soybean311]

It's very tough. She just called my phone 5 times! I repeat 5 times! At 1 minute intervals. She then left me a voicemail. She just said:

 

Hi, you know who this is, we need to talk, but I guess you don't want to talk anymore. That's fine. I guess this is goodbye. And then she just said yeah, bye.

 

It's so hard not to talk to her. I remained strong, and I think I can push farther. I think she realizes her mistakes, and no I haven't told her I looked through her phone; and I don't think I'll ever tell her. She's making it seem like it's the end, but as I wrote on my blog, it's not the end.

 

I'm not putting a period in this step, I'm putting an ellipsis.

 

I just really want her to know how much she hurt me in the past two weeks. I want her to know how much I love her. HELL! I got her a puppy for Christmas and we aren't even together anymore. She's going to be reminded of me everyday and it's going to drive her nuts. But I told her, even when I'm not with her, I'll always be with her. I'll always love her, I won't forget her. I just need this right now. It's to save me from getting hurt. This isn't for her, it's for me.

[water_demon]

she still loves you. you say your hert, but from the sound of it she is a lot more hert than you are. im only 15 but i can tell that if she calles you that much and wants to see u that much she still loves, you alot.

[ddnnee]

she has another guy? follow your instincts and it will lead you to gold. The same exact thing happen to me in the past with my ex-gf. my gf was seeing another guy and i had a feeling. I investigated and guess what had happened. my gf was dating my bestfriend behind my back. if you feel that this girl has met another guy, then it is best to leave her now and never talk to her again. getting back together will only hurt you later because it will not be the same.