anyone else here not speak to their parents?

[NiCoLe20]

i just started a thread about an arguement going on between my mother and I. its getting real ugly and if you want any further info. its in the "im having serious family problems" thread lol.

 

but i was just wondering who else doesnt speak to their parents and how long its been? was it over a big arguement or something little? thanks maybe ill feel better if i read simialar stories

[Shana]

I don;t speak to my father... never will .. its not so bad, there are many out there who have parents.. but don't.

[quankanne]

my mom died two years ago, but my dad had lined up his new bride the minute he put my mom in the nursing home (about six months before). The woman wasn't much older than me, had two small children still at home AND WAS STILL MARRIED TO A MAN BACK IN MEXICO even though they hadn't lived together in six years.

 

Mom died in early December, so husband, older sister and I decided to spend Christmas with him in South Texas to make sure he wasn't alone. It didn't matter in the end, because his mind was set on romancing his housekeeper and he was pretty much making a fool of himself. My sister wasn't making things any easier with some of the crap she was saying as we prepared the dinner ... needless to stay, DH and I cut our visit short by several days because I couldn't handled being upset over losing my mom, to whom I was very close, or that my dad was being a complete jackass over a woman when his wife wasn't even in the ground two weeks!

 

I didn't talk to him for several months – I love my daddy, and don't normally have a problem bugging or calling him, even when I'm pissed off over something – but that took the cake. Yes, it's his life, but I think he should have handled the situation much more delicately instead of trampling over our feelings. Because my mom was the one the kids were closer to, her loss was pretty hard ...

 

in all honesty, I'm probably worse about keeping in touch with my sibs, whom I love, but have absolutely nothing in common with.

[catalyst]

George Carlin's take on the subject...

 

Re "Honor thy father and thy mother"

 

He said, "Some parents deserved to be honored, most of them don't."

 

I havent talked to my father since I was a kid. I talk to my mother every now and then and generally wind up wishing I hadn't. If there was a way for me to legaly divorce them, I would have.

[SmoochieFace]

Count me in as one of those who have severed ties with his parents.

 

My mother was and still is emotionally abusive. I simply got tired of it and walked. I made a promise to not do that to my son.

 

My father was about as passive and distant as anyone could be. It would have been the same way even if he didn't live in the same house. He just wasn't there...

 

Things have been this way for about seven years now.

[Lonestar]

Several years back, I didn't talk to either one of my parents for a few years, but eventually tried again to get some love from them. A few years back, my parents divorced. I have since become very close to my mother and it helped to heal a lot of old childhood wounds. But my father, I have not spoken to in 3 years, and I'l never speak to him again. Not because I disapproved of their divorce. I agreed with it, but I will never forgive him for how abusive he was to me and the people I love. He left scars that will NEVER heal.

[orangeterran]

I hardly exchange any words with my parents. I still live at home with them and my intention is to never see them again after I move out. My brother shares a similar view.

 

The only difference is that I have just recently tried to establish a bridge to them in hopes of alleiving some of the tension that is in the house. If things don't work out (I'm trying to be optimistic, but realistically, it's a long shot), I know that when I leave I'll have no regrets.

[Milo]

I talk to my mother when she feels like being pleasant, which is not very often lately. I enjoy spending time with my father and wish we did it more often.

[Craig]

I didn't talk to my father for 10 years over a little incident that he blew out of proportion.

 

I started talking to him again after I realized I didn't hate the man but did not approve of his actions. There after I treated him politely and with respect but never attempted any serious discussions and chose to ignore some of his actions that I disliked.

 

When he died I didn't feel sad that he had died, I felt sad that he could have been so much more.

 

As time went by I came to understand my father more and more. I understand he had issues, challenges and even problems that were the result of the way he was raised, other life experiences and etc.

 

I am not sorry for not getting to know my father (he was always around but never there) because I made a clear decision to remember how impossible it was to try to talk with him about anything meaningful. I decided at that time that I would not be one of those people with regrets for not having spent more time with my father. It worked, I have no regrets and I have a lot more compassion for people with issues, challenges and problems.

[clandestinidad]

I havent cut it off with them yet....but have been considering it for a couple years. My mother is physically and emotionally abusive, my sister is emotionally abusive, and my father...well, has recently become my favorite in SOME ways, but has really hurt me in the past (some examples: laughing when I told him I wanted to kill myself in MIDDLE SCHOOL, 2 years ago belittling the molestation that happened when I was 3 {not by him}, physically abusing my mother when I was 14 resulting in me calling the police, etc).

 

My life has been much better since I stopped trying with my sister. Luckily she lives many states away. When holidays come around, or she's visiting for some reason, I've learned to stay away from the rest of the family...she and my mother basically let me know that I wasnt included ("since you live here, and can see grandma/grandpa whenever you want, __ wanted to be able to see them without you and your daughter there" b/c she gets less attention if we're there...but my whole family was going)...its in a past post of mine if you'd like more info.

 

The only thing keeping me from cutting it off w/ them is that I need them to help pay for things right now. Well, that and the guilt I would feel knowing that they'd blame it on ME...certainly THEY didnt do anything

[JayKay]

I didn't speak to my dad for over 7 years. He cheated on my mom during their marriage, was emotionally distant and cruel to her and finally left her for another woman.

 

They really should have divorced years ago, but rather than do it in a civilized way he just up and walked out with no warning. It was such a horrible thing to do and she was just devastated.

 

I couldn't deal with his behavior and really couldn't talk to him about anything. He has a very hard time connecting with people. In fact, he didn't try to reach out to me for about 5 years, and then only because his new girlfriend insisted.

 

I didn't know he'd tried to reach me, so I never reciprocated.

 

I finally took it upon myself to contact him; my siblings all had gotten back in touch and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life not knowing my father. In spite of some the bad stuff he'd done, there were many good things too. He'd taught me to love books and reading as a kid and had put me through college as a young adult. He also loves animals and we both share that.

 

Parents are never perfect --most have good and bad traits.

You idealize them as a kid and are often crushed and disappointed by SOMETHING along the way.

 

We now stay in touch and it seems he tries harder these days to communicate and maintain contact. Our relationship will never be a warm fuzzy one, but I'm glad to know him.

[slubberdegullion]

Like anyone, I too have had issues with both my parents. My mother puts up this pretence of brittle politeness and propriety (not unlike the rich mother in the TV show Gilmore Girls) and my father is an aggresive typical Type A personality with delusions of self-perfection.

 

Needless to say, when I'm with them things are tense.

 

I have to be extraordinarily careful about what I say and how I say it, because if it can be used against me in any fashion whatsoever, they'll do it.

 

With that said, I also am guilty of being less than pleasant to them sometimes. But I have begun to see them more as individuals and people, and less as parents.

 

We also came extremely close to losing my dad in the summer due to a whole series of medical mistakes (more on that some other time) so even though he can be a real a**h***, I'm still thankful that he's around.

[brashgal]

I get along well with my parents but my son does not talk to his father which upsets me. I know why, there was a lot of verbal abuse and they are two peas in a pod even though they both claim to be so different from one another. Although the ex has not said so, I'm worried he'll stop kicking in for college expenses - I get pissed off because their inability to get along will only affect me - I'm not going to have my son drop out with 1-1/2 to go.

 

Guess I can't worry about it - just seems so sad to me that they can't put aside a little pride and try to get along.

[tinktronik]

I went several years without any contact with my mother or sister.I'd never had much contact with my Dad or most of the rest of my relatives. When I cut contact with my Mom and Sister, the rest of my family appeared, it turns out most are terrified of my mother and hide from her or those she has contact with, this included my Father.So now I have contact with the rest of my family. But a year or so ago my mother sent a letter to my ex-husband , b/c she dident know where I was, it was about a whole in her life , how she couldent stand to die without me in he life, yadayada yada. I call every few months and try to keep the convos small.My sister , I talk to occasionally, but I dont know that I will ever see either of them again , Its been years since Ive seen them and I have negative desire to.

[witabix]

From the perspective of a parent.

 

I lost contact with my children, for almost ten years my son and I had no contact whatsoever, only sporadic contact with my daughter.

 

There was no abuse or arguments. I lost contact with them for a vast number of not very good reasons, all due to my own mis thinking and basically my weakness of character.

 

The silence ate at me like a cancer, slowly destroying me.

 

Unable to continue with the silence, and unable to understand why it had actually happened. My daughter threw me a lifeline, once again, as she has done continually.

 

With the support of my SO I made a decision to go to them and face them. To try to explain myself, to answer the myriad questions they had about why their father had apparently abandoned them. To be honest, to face my son, who is now a man, and my daughter who never gave up.

 

My son initially thought, yea right! He'll do that, not!

 

But the moment we first spoke on the phone he said it all changed, the moment he heard my voice again.

 

I went to the country they live in now. Again my SO supported by giving me the money to do this, and with the emotional support I needed.

 

We met, for the first time in ten years. On a rubbish strewn street, in a big cold, wet, city, it was a frightening experience.

 

We clung on to each so tightly and all the years of silence and pain melted away, in a heartbeat.

 

We talked, they asked all their questions, I answered each of them honestly and completely. That was enough for them.

 

We are now father and son and daughter again.

 

It is possible to turn from the abyss and find your way back. I know, I stood at the edge of the abyss. I couldn't understand how I had arrived their. All the time my daughter was calling me back. My SO saw this as well and helped me to turn back to the voice of the little girl calling for her Daddy.

 

It happens if someone believes, you may not, but someone does.

 

Believe me it is never lost between parents and their children.

[brashgal]

Thanks Witabix - you give me hope!

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm sorry Wit- but not everyone's parent has the capacity to love them like they should.

 

My mother was abusive and mentally ill. I cut off contact with her when she would rage out of control. She's been dead for almost four years and I've NEVER missed her.

[witabix]

I'm sorry Wit- but not everyone's parent has the capacity to love them like they should.

 

My mother was abusive and mentally ill. I cut off contact with her when she would rage out of control. She's been dead for almost four years and I've NEVER missed her.

 

That kind of situation is completely outside my experience Mz Pixie.

 

All I hoped was that my experience would help some people see that is never completely lost between parents and children if all that has happened is silence over time.

 

I did not want to give the impression that abusive relationships can be repaired as easily. I have no understanding of what such a relationship feels like and do not wish to pretend I do, or give the impression that I think they relate to my experience in any way.